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Hi everyone I’m exhausted

Sotired345's picture

I wanted to start this by saying that I’m tired because I am. I have been married for 4 years which is really not very long and I have a 2 and 4 year old. I’m already at the point where I want out. My oldest has special needs and in itself is a handful. My marriage has been no picnic. Fights, money issues and indiscretions. Now this being a step parent forum I will say before any misunderstandings that I’m not blaming my stepchild for the failure of my marriage but all the adults around her for allowing the things that have occurred. I can honestly say that being in this type of family has caused 45 percent of my problems. BM over the years has been so demanding and abusive that I’m at a point where I don’t even want to look at her face. She would always play games and manipulate to get what she wanted. Throwing her kid on me constantly because she claimed she deserved her free time. She’s been doing it for years and all I hear from everybody is I knew what I was getting into. I’m tired of it. My stepdaughter has no respect for me or my children and this has been acceptable behavior for years. She has yelled at me given me dirty looks and has bosses my children around. Every time I disagree with something my husband does she jumps in and defends him telling me “I’d better get used it” and no one says anything they just allow it. She’s only 8. She walks through the door and doesn’t even look at me so we just pretend each other doesn’t exist. In fact I have been blamed for her behavior. I’m not patient enough, I’m not loving enough and I hate her. He has resented me for years for not being a good enough stepparent. It’s totally acceptable to yell in my sons face for accidents but god forbid I look at his daughter funny. 3 months ago I found my husband talking romantically with another woman and I asked him for a divorce. I told him I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be in a marriage with a man who treats me like the enemy, tries to cheat and has an ex wife and daughter that have no respect for me. He begged for weeks for a second chance. I told him I didn’t want to live this life anymore I don’t want lies in my marriage and I don’t want his daughter or ex. He still begged me to stay. 3 months later and Marriage counciling and I can honestly I say I still don’t want them. I don’t hate my stepdaughter and I would do never do anything to disrespect her but it’s hard to admit I don’t even want to look at her or her Mother anymore. I’m sorry but it’s the truth. I don’t even like my husband. I know a lot of people will tell me to leave and I know I should but my husband tells me he can’t live without me and will never let me go. Once again I know this isn’t my stepdaughters fault and I don’t hate a child but I’m just done and tired. 

SteppedOut's picture

"Won't ever let you go", given his abusive nature that you described, that part got under my skin.

I know that exhaustion. I also know that once you reach that point that you just can't look at them and feel like you don't like them, there is no going back. Start making your exit plan.


Sotired345's picture

I figured by telling him “I want nothing to do with your ex or daughter” would give him a way out but he won’t take it. I mean it’s kind of a deal breaker to say you want nothing to do with someone’s child and if I had said that a year ago he would have divorced me in a heart beat I’m not sure what’s changed. 

SteppedOut's picture

You are standing up for yourself. And it might be ok for a little bit... but then back to the same ole same ole BS. Only while its "ok" you will be faking it, because you are over it.

marblefawn's picture

Sotired, you sound so beaten down.

If he's the one clinging to the marriage, demand better treatment from him and his kid. Make it an ultimatum. He surely won't be able to swing it after all this time, so that will be your valid excuse to exit. You just tell him as you pack that this is what you said would happen if he didn't shape up and go.

You're so done. You have to look out for yourself and your kids. From what you wrote, it really sounds as if you know your life would be better without him and his kid. Time to act on it and leave him to figure out his own mess.