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Can't stand it.. nope.. can't - VENTING

justa102's picture

Strictly venting.

I’m not exactly looking for advice but I’m at my wits end with BM. At this point I don’t care what she thinks or what FDH thinks.. And really, it’s come down to I don’t care if it ruins my relationship. Because I think it’s disgusting to read sexual shit she sends him, like asking him to have sex and how she enjoyed it. I don’t care if she’s sending it for me to read or actually trying to get him into bed. I’m sickened by it, I’m fed up by it. If it’s the last thing I do in this relationship it will be to tell her off. It’s getting to that point! It really is! I’m so ready to say some major shit to her and pack a bag waiting for FDH to come home pissed and end it all because he’ll be the first one she’ll tell. I haven’t “snuck” into FDH’s phone in a few weeks because I’m trying to trust him and believe him but this time I went into his phone hoping not to find anything and I find sexual crap from her, not him. It’s sickening and I can’t stand it anymore. I want to stand up for myself in this relationship because THIS has nothing to do with their kids but with three supposed adults and in this case one “adult” wants to have sex with my FDH. I’m losing my mind!


Anonymous_stepmom's picture

And he hasn't said anything to her? He needs to tell her to stop! This is wrong on so many levels.

justa102's picture

No, he'll just ignore it. Seriously, its getting to the point where I'M about to say something.

bestwife's picture

Why haven't you said anything? I'd rip her a new one in a second. And him too if he objected.

She is gutter trash - no one does things like that to a married man unless they are really just garbage. Garbage is something you throw out. She deserves NO respect or consideration.

If he has ANY problem with you confronting her then your biggest problem is with him.

I would humilate and make fun of her. I'd publish every word she wrote to the world. How about letting her mother, father, children know what a c(*& (a word I do not use under normal circumstances) she is?

Why would he be pissed at you and not her? Does he get off on reading this crap? I have a second SS because DH had a ONS with warthog almost a decade after their divorce. Don't think it can't happen. I am not a jealous person. DH loves attractive women (actually all women) and is a big flirt. But I get absolutely no vibes of "watch out for that" with any of this. NONE. But I will not let him even speak to her.

paradoxsmom's picture

I can't believe that FDH would have an issue with you saying something to her. Expecially if you did it with no kids around. And Ii agree with Lostinthemadness... humiliation is awesome. Give her paper work on sex addiction and how she can get help. Tell her your really concerned about her behavior and acting out and think that for the kids sake she should get some help. The less mad you are the more angry she will get. I don't think that ripping her a good one will do much. If anything it might make it worse. People like that usually feed off anger which is why he prolly hasn't said anything.

Wishitwasdifferent's picture

Just my two cents BUT

Your FDH should have told her to stop this the first time it happened or threaten to have action taken against her, it should not have to get to the stage where it is at now, he could and should have put a stop to it in teh beggining, it is not respectful to you, is it?

You know, in this world if everyone treated each other how they would like to be treated themselves things would be so much better.

Good luck and if he doesn't stop it, I would walk, if he lets it continue he doesn't care about your feelings.

Superstopmommy's picture

This is your husband's issue. Obviously you do not trust him because you checked his phone messages.

I would do all my talking to him.. WTF is his issue that HE allows this. He can block her texts. He is allowing another woman to text him sexy messages... oh no that just leads to trouble. It doesn't matter who the woman is - This issue is between you and your husband.

justa102's picture

Thanks everyone for the opinions. I slept on it and woke up this morning and still feel this utter feeling of wanting to email her. I may not be as pissed off as I was last night but my clearer mind is still wanting to email her. Many of you said that I should take this up to FDH and I agree with that and the thing is I HAVE brought it up to him but not for this reason. Just for the mere fact that they were texting back and forth so many times per day for no good reason. As far as I know the texting has definitely calmed down on his end but she still texts him regularly waiting for a response but rarely gets one unless it's important about the kids. But this shit with the texting sex stuff is really killing me. I don't even know if I want to keep trying in this relationship because I shouldn't have to keep trying and I shouldn't have to constantly read this type of bullshit..

justa102's picture

Oh I wish she did!!! I would be forwarding it in a second! If she does neither of us know about it. She needs to find one.

justa102's picture

Yeah, why? lol

BM knows I have one. She wrote me a f**ked up message through facebook... NO I'M NOT FRIENDS WITH IT. At that point I wish I would have went off on her then. But I figured I'd kill her with kindness. UGGGHHH.

Disneyfan's picture

If he doesn't respect the relationship enough to put an end to this, why should BM? Why is he keeping the texts?