Blissfully Ignorant - Hardcore Blindsides
I came into my SS’s lives 5yrs ago when OSS was 11 & YSS was 9. I instantly disengaged, not on purpose, I just didn’t want to be their mother. If I do want to mother anybody – I’ll have my own children. I have my share of issues with SO & in Steplife but this isn’t one of them. My SO doesn’t expect me to cook for his kids or pick them up or any of that. I have done some of these things, very rarely, over the years but when I’ve offered not because he’s asked. This does lead to me picking up more of the slack at home while he’s off picking up & dropping off (& so on) but that’s par for the course & I’m fine with it (most of the time anyway).
The only issue with blissful ignorance is that I sometime get hardcore blindsided. Small example, a few years ago YSS was turning 12 & we attended a combined birthday party, organised by BM & her DH. As we (& the other guests) came through the door, BM was handing out the gift we were to give to YSS, I was so confused. BM hasn’t, doesn’t & won’t work, however she always ensures her kids get the best of the best (very materialistic). So I knew this wasn’t out of her pocket. When I had a chance, I asked my SO what was going on with the presents & he said he paid BM his money, she bought the gift online. He assumes she did that for most of the other people attending the party. Weird way to do it but okay. I left it at that because it’s his money & his son.
I hate not knowing these things though. It feels wrong, partners discuss things, I don’t like being the only uninformed party in the room. In these moments, I feel like a nice accessory, rather than a whole person with a brain & critical thinking skills & substance. It’s also another reminder that SO & BM discuss all sorts of things & I’m not privy to any of it which makes me feel kind of betrayed (not trying to be dramatic – it’s just a feeling). Again, this was just a small example (& truly no biggie in & of itself) but I could go on & on about the amount of times these kinds of things happen, I do not want to be any more engaged (this seems to work best for all of us) but I also don’t want to be ignorant. Any thoughts!?