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updates on everything and OT request

iamlosingit's picture

So to anybody that has been keeping up with my blogs, MIL was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in 1 of 4 spots that had a biopsy done. She goes in today at about 10a.m.-ish so any "good vibes" and prayers anybody could send her way would be very much appreciated. She is getting a "lumpectomy" and the stage 4 spot is very deep according to the doctors but they are hopeful that they can remove it. DH and SIL are not handling it well at all and seemed to be taking turns driving the other insane over the weekend. It was supposed to be a non-skid weekend but due to the holiday schedule we had ss from 5pm on Sunday until noon on Monday. We picked up MIL also to spend new year's with us and try to give her a fun day before her surgery. SIL kept calling and texting DH all weekend about how he "needs to take the week off" to help with MIL and go to the hospital...funny though because MIL said nobody is allowed to wait in the waiting room at the clinic she is going to until her 2nd "post-op" after 230p.m. and she DOESN"T WANT anybody there until after the post-op but nobody is listening to her. SIL wants DH to sit with her in her car outside the hospital until 2:30 and blew a fuse when he told her he still had to work and would be there around 2ish. This seems to be the month of drama for everyone health-wise...dh received an email from his superior, long story short 3 other people have family members getting health things done this week and they are asking everyone to be as flexible as they can with schedules and overtime to make sure everything is covered. DH didn't tell his work about the surgery date and we have ss AGAIN this weekend so this week should be interesting as far as DH behavior is concerned.
Aunt pulled me aside on Christmas and informed me that since she still had medical power of attorney over my mom that she is going to call an emergency psychiatric clinic and get mom admitted against her will to a stage 5 clinic over 6 hours away. Not even one hour later, grandma proceeded to pull me aside and tell me I am the new "matriarch" of the family? No other details given. I am confused.
Dh was in a horrible mood on Christmas Eve due to not having money for gifts. He has also convinced himself that the IRS letter is a scam since they didn't seize his refund for the last two years, and is planning on not paying them until he can establish that the letter isn't a "fake". Apparently someone told him that their grandparent's received a letter from the "IRS" stating they owed $4000 and they found out it was a fraud before they paid it, so now he is convinced this is happening to him. He has decided to "make up for it"(not getting ss any gifts other then a new pet fish) that we are going to Disney this year. Oh boy. SS has already been, not sure what the point is. Plus it's expensive.
DH also had until yesterday to send in SS birth certificate to "prove" ss is his child in order to continue his medical coverage that he is required to have according to the CS order. BM refused to give him any information, he wasn't able to get it, he didn't send anything in other than a copy of his "recognition of parentage". I'm not sure how all of that is going to play out. I gave him the info that I was given on how to obtain a copy a long time ago, he didn't listen. Guess it's all on him now. Not a good way to start the new year.
I went to blow-dry my hair after a shower on Christmas Eve...plugged in my hair dryer...and promptly blew all the fuses on our first floor. Only other things on/plugged in were our Christmas tree lights, TV, fridge, and crockpot. Not sure what to think of that.
Ended up not getting a new stove (way over my giftcard limit from work) but ended up getting us a new gel memory-foam mattress. Our current mattress is almost 8 years old and Overstock.com had a really good New Year's Sale. SO not exactly a gift just for me, but looking forward to a more comfortable bed. Retails over $1,000 non-sale so kind of excited. Dh bought MIL a new gel/memory foam mattress for Christmas about 2 years ago (give or take) $500 just for a twin, she swears it's the best bed she's ever slept on.
Brother out of the hospital after long discussion and a strict regime of antibiotics. If he has another decline, he will be admitted longer with an IV and have strict consequences. They are happy thought because his lung function went up from 35% to 65% in just a week of treatment.

SO that just about sums everything up. Think my short break from work left me more exhausted then refreshed. Would have rather worked. Hope the Holiday's were good for everyone!

Comments

ESMOD's picture

My DH was insistent when he had his kidney tumor removed that no one come to see him at the hospital. He didn't want any germs.

Now, my MIL came to WAIT with me at the hospital.. and her sister also came. So, I got to hear them talk for like 6 hours...lol.

In the end, I think she wanted to be there if something went wrong.

It's kind of funny because my DH said "don't let her talk to my dr... she will get him all messed up". so, after several hours and drinking coffee I had to go to the bathroom... I thought he was going to be in surgery longer, but when I come out.. Of course, there are his mom and aunt talking to his DR. I come up and the Doctor says.. everything went text book well.. We got the entirety of the tumor. Then just a minute later my MIL says.."so too bad he lost his whole kidney". Dr.. shook his head.. and said NO.. I didn't say that (which I didn't hear either). So, my DH was right, glad she didn't talk to him before the procedure lol.

So, anyway, I understand the desire to be there if something were to go wrong. If your DH is pretty close to the surgery location though, I don't know that sitting in the car is going to do much though.

iamlosingit's picture

It's odd though because MIL said the hospital doesn't have a waiting area for the part that she is in so even if we wanted to they won't let us wait?? Not 100% sure on that but she says its due to the infection risk of the patients in that area. Hence the reason why SIL wants DH to sit in a car with her outside the hospital.

ESMOD's picture

Perhaps that does make sense as certain cancer therapies make people susceptible to infections and illness.

If that truly is the case and the hospital has asked that family not visit/wait in their facility then they should not go there and risk the wellbeing of others.

The only point I see to your DH waiting with his sister is to soothe her nerves while mom is in surgery and to be there in the event that something goes awry with the procedure. Though, it may be likely that mom would be moved to a different facility if there is a complication.

If your DH is readily available/accessible while he is at work and if that is where he feels comfortable being until he hears word about the results of the surgery, I see nothing wrong with him going to work. Waiting in the car isn't going to change the outcome for mom.

Thumper's picture

My prayers to your mother inlaw. My bff died from complications of Breast Cancer and a 2nd close friend did too.

Gosh everything you wrote made ME want to book another vacation.....in hope to send you there by proxy so you can get a break from all this.

Sorry to read about your mom too.

Peridwen's picture

Prayers for you and your MIL.

I'm sorry - you just seem to be having a really hard time recently. Hopefully things will start looking up soon. Please don't forget to take care of yourself so you don't completely burn out.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

My prayers are seriously there for you all (I won't derail anymore than my last comment did...). Keep us updated and know we're here if you need to vent.