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Sil finally arrested and shit hitting the fan...

hismineandours's picture

So they finally picked up sil on her 14 felonies last night. Immediately my dh starts getting calls from mil. We talked about him not calling her back-however she continued to call into today so he finally calls her back about an hour ago. She was angry with HIM! She told him he should have paid the bills she ran up and kept his mouth shut? Then she hung up on him. WTF is wrong with these people? The arresting police officer also called dh this morning. He basically said that sil was running her mouth the whole entire time blaming everything on dh. Again, WTF? The woman deliberately opened two different credit card accounts in his name and then made 12 separate charges on them. And that is his fault? He only filed the police report because that is what the credit card companies told him he had to do in order to clear his credit. He never even told the police that -Hey, it was my sister-they investigated themselves and it was very obvious that it was her.

So so sad. But it does really give me insight into the cycle of messed up in that family. My dh had told the police officer that his mother was mad at him, and even the police officer was able to state "Well, if anything it is HER fault to for raising her like this and allowing her to get away without consequences her whole life". ding ding ding. It also gives me alot insight into why dh used to do that with ss-it's what he knew, what he was raised with. Protect the wrongdoer, blame the victim.

Dh is pretty upset in general. It has been devasting enough for him to deal with his siblings stealing from him, his dad taking up for them-his mom was his final holdout. I think he thought she was at least somewhat sane and cared for him somewhat-now he realizes that he pretty much never will a relationship with his family of origin again.


Willow2010's picture

Wow...what a family of losers! No wonder your DH has so many issues. I hope he starts to NOT feel bad. None of this was his doing or his fault.

Delilah's picture

His family are insane losers evidentally.

YES. How DARE your DH protect his financial assets and credit?!! He is such a numpty for putting his and his families future and happiness first before his thieving, money grabbing witch of a sister!!

I would advise he doesn't pick up that phone again and that he takes minimum steps to protect himself from this dysfunction e.g. change your home number, block them, install security.

I also think it would be beneficial for him to seek counselling...

herewegoagain's picture

I am so sorry your DH is going through this. You hit the nail on the head about "why he acted this way with ss".

My DH and I had many issues before as his parents/siblings were similar to your DH's. Once I figured that out, I was able to understand more but also demanded he either stayed straight or join the losers. By letting him know that in no way did I think lesx of HIM because of his loser family, as he is his own person, he flourished and changed for the better. That included his treatment of SD and making her responsible for her own actions. He now has very little contact with them. Of course they blame ME, but he knows better. Our relationship has changed for the better.

Good luck to you both and continue to support him through this.

ctnmom's picture

His, as you know I'm in banking. I hear this situation a lot, and what I say is this: stealing is stealing, whether it's from a family member or Walmart. And once someone makes the decision to steal, it should be in the hands of the authorities. Maybe if you put it to DH in this pragmatic matter it will give him some peace. Boy, the longer I live the more I see- there's givers, and there's takers. And the takers get butt pissed when you call them on it!! Stand your ground. Good luck and God bless.

hismineandours's picture

Exactly! It's not even like we had hundreds in cash sitting around, she walked by and impulsively took one.(not that that would be right either)BUT She planned, filled out apps, waited to get the cards in the mail, and then used them 12 different times. She had soooo many opportunities in there to say, "Hey, wait a minute this is wrong. Maybe I should stop". And then, when we found out about the first card, dh called her out and offered her an opportunity to pay it back. She denied it. After the second card, he called my mil and said, "look I have to file a report on this or it will ruin my credit"-she said nothing. She didnt offer to pay it, didnt say-"I'll talk to your sister and get her to pay it" or even "I'm sorry she is doing this". Just nothing. But NOW the bitch has something to say since her sweet little daughter is facing the consequences. Idiots!

This is also after my dh alerted his parents that both sil and bil were stealing items from our household. That's pretty much when my fil basically told dh to eff off-saying, "you got no proof, boy!" Dh tried to speak to both sil and bil about them stealing things from our house. Deny, deny, deny. Although dh saw our things in sil's house-many many of our things in sil's house when he stopped in for an unexpected little visit and even though my bil actually returned a few things that he had taken. My sil hacked into my dh's facebook and email accounts all the while pretending to be a close, loving sister.

I think dh does understand how messed up they are. It's been a process over years. He started to catch on to some things a few years ago and that's whne he started beign toughter on ss which of course did not go over well with ss. But really the last 6 months have opened his eyes wide. SS still resides at mil's. Sadly he fits in very well there. He also blames those he victimizes.

hismineandours's picture

oh dont say that! That's what dh wants to do-and while I understand that-we've got 3 kids in school here, my job that I am happy in is here, and my family (who are looking like shiny pennies at this point)are 5 minutes away. We shouldnt have to run because they are a bunch of damn idiots!

hismineandours's picture

oh dont say that! That's what dh wants to do-and while I understand that-we've got 3 kids in school here, my job that I am happy in is here, and my family (who are looking like shiny pennies at this point)are 5 minutes away. We shouldnt have to run because they are a bunch of damn idiots!

Unhappy's picture


Eff them.

SIL is an adult. She can make her own choices. She chose to break the law. Now she can deal with the consequences of her choise. It's called reality and SIL just got checked.

Your DH did the right thing by going to the police. It's going to probably be a little tough on him for a little bit. It's a hard bite to swallow when your own family treats you that way. Just give him some time to process all of this. He'll come back stronger then he was before.

Annanymous's picture

Wow what losers. Your poor DH (and you). As much as it hurts, DH (and you) will be so much happier in the long run if he completely severed all communication with those dysfunctional, messed up, crazy people.

Sorry. Sad

hismineandours's picture

Yep they just bonded her out. And my dh got a call from my fil. My fil told dh that sil didnt do it-dh told him her name is listed on one of the cards, her address is the shipping address on one of the cards and the billing address on the other, and the ip address is hers. All purchases made were in her hometown or within 10 minutes of it. We know noone else in that town. My fil responded by telling my dh he was a piece of shit and hanging up on him. What fucktards! I really want to contact them myself and tell them what pieces of shit THEY are!

Most Evil's picture

Yes it is really hard and it is really lonely to be the first person to become healthy in a group like that.

I hope your DH does not bow their Ridonkulous pressure!! as it would be even harder if there was a next time.

My DH's family is like this and they tried some shit that I called them out on, extortion really, saying DH owed his brother money he didn't and threatening his life when he wouldn't pay - they were so mean to ME when I threatened to call the cops, but eventually it passed and they have NEVER tried that shit on me and DH again!!

Some people just need to be told, look I know you are a GDMF liar, whether you admit it or not, I know!!! and I am not being your bitch on this!!!! ever!!!!!!!! So crazy!