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Read ss's letter to dh...

hismineandours's picture

He got one in the mail today. My dd13 got the mail, took a pic of it and sent it to me. Lol! Up until that point I do not believe she was aware they were corresponding. Of course it wasn't on the table like any other piece of mail dh leaves there. However, I know his hiding places and I just couldn't resist.

Recap- ss16 is in Juvie. Dh nor myself have not seen the kid for almost 3 years. Hadn't spoke for maybe 18mos prior to his arrest )for drug dealing) which this is his second arrest for the same thing. He is a creepy little antisocial pervert who likes to steal my and my dd's panties and who played touchy-feely with her while she was sleeping-about 5 years ago. So ick.

He starts the letter inquiring about how I feel about him and dh talking? Do I even know? What do the other kids think? Then goes on to say he knows he messed up here and he thinks his life woldve turned out differently if he would have got along with me.

Yeah, ok. This whole line of talk pisses me off. Idk why really but it does. Him not "getting along" with me sounds as if I engaged in petty arguments with him not that he sexually violated me and my daughter. He goes on to say he probably wouldn't have smoked cigarettes or anything. That cracked me up- he's a drug dealer,! Not just some teen trying out a cigarette.

Then he goes on to say he gets visits every weekend with my mil, his bm. Also his sister on bm's side and my drug dealing bil came to visit him last week. He is pushing for dh to visit him. Telling him he wants to see him. His counselor called and wanted to set up a family session. Dh hasn't done any of this so far. I think he would just like to avoid it all together.

i don't even know what to think. I am just in shock that he acts like the problem in our home was just a "bad attitude" and he acts like the worst thing he ever did was smoke a cigarette. This, of course, shows me how little he has changed, he has no insight, no remorse about anything.

Dh has told me bits and pieces of things they have talked about. Ss has made derogatory statements about bil, with whom he was living- has told dh things that fil said about him, and has also spoken Ill of the sil who stole dh's identity. What any of that has to do with the kid changing I have no idea. It seems to me that it is just the classic,splitting of parental figures in his life that he has been doing since age 4. Minimizing his actions also seems to be part of the same old pattern. The only change is he is locked up and cannot use or sell drugs. Evidently it is pretty boring In there- he has been there for over 3 months now.

Oh, one other favorite part for me is when he was bragging about what a great speller he was and how he is good at English. Well,dammit,kid,you have taken English 9 3 times now!

Of course what I am itching to do is write him since he is so curious about what I think and all. I am sure you all will tell me not to- but gee, somebody has got to confront this kid's delusions.


oneoffour's picture

I would think he is still working towards recognizing his part in his own downfall. He is still stuck on accepting 100% blame for his life so far. And also maybe his mail is read before it is mailed out. So some of that may be for the centers mail readers.

I would tell DH that he is NOT to mention you at all. His son is his responsibility and as his son has some pretty nasty habits that violated you and your daughter you do not want him knowing anything about you or even DH showing him a photo of either of you. This would be a deal breaker for me.

Not to be trusted at all... It doesn't matter what you think about him because you don't.

Willow2010's picture

I could not agree more with Tog. I know this is tough on you and the kids but this is your DHs son and it is going to happen. All you should care about is that he does not bring SS to your home anytime soon. Let DH do what HE needs to do.

How is your DH these days? I remember that he was having a really tough time at one point. I also don't remember the part about SS molesting your DD. Did she just remember this or is this the first time you are talking about it?