How do I change my negative feelings for an SD with ADHD
A few months ago me and my bf decided to live in separate homes because his children were causing a major strain on our relationship. His son is 14 years old and has ADHD and is medicated.
i love my bf but his son irritates me and I can’t help but feel ashamed of myself.
I want to give a few examples of the things that are irritating me and I just don’t know why I can’t just let these things roll off my shoulders. I think about the way I feel and my reactions to these circumstances at the time when it’s happening And I am overwhelmed, embarrassed, disgusted and angry. I am fearful of living with them again for these reasons but I don’t want to be this way I want to be supportive but all those negative emotions consume me about this kid. My bf constantly tells me he’s just a boy and I don’t frickin get it because to me he’s 14 he’s not just a boy I was working when I was 14.
1) he eats like a savage, if it has sauce it’s all over his cheeks and he touches his food on his fork and his hands always get super messy. He eats with his mouth wide open and doesn’t chew he just swallows. Unless we say that’s enough he just eats and eats and eats.
2. I always find rotten food in his room, he’s not aloud to bring food in there but he hides it under his bed or in his drawers.
3. He always talks with a “funny” voice that’s not funny. A bit here and there is ok but you try to have a conversation with him and he imitates Aidan’s or talks like an Indian it’s like his social cues to ok kid it’s not funny are not there and e doesn’t stop you can tell him to act his age and time and place but two minutes later he starts again.
4. The other day he was talking about his aunt and how he thought it was wierd that she always stops to talk to little kids and said “it’s like she wants to rape them” wtfffff who says that. My bf says he’s trying to be funny but that’s not funny to me.
5. He has the worst hygiene and often smells bad. He will take a shower and be in there for an hour and he won’t use soap and then will lie about it when we ask.
6. I told his father that he should probably be monitoring his iPad use. Make sure he’s not talking to anyone inappropriate or just to make sure he’s not looking things up that are not appropriate. We went through it together and the boy has been watching Japanese cartoon porn. Often, is that normal, like I get it he’s curious and boobs woohoo but like what kinda Porn is that.
7. He is disobedient at school, he has some good days but often he is isolated from the rest of the class because of his behaviour. Emails have come home that he smells from teachers or that he can’t concentrate in class and he gets loud and obnoxious to the other students. This seems to be getting a bit better but the patterns are still there.
i love my bf and I understand he comes as a package deal. Sometimes he understands how I feel but then when we argue he goes into hardcore defence mode and makes me feel evil “he’s just a boy” “he deserves to feel loved” “he’s a good boy”.
Why can’t I be more supportive, why does he irritate me so much is there any coping mechanisms I can use I feel terrible but I can’t help how I feel.