Am I a horrible person ?
A very long story short ...... my partner of 8 years has full custody of his 9 year old son, the son lives with his nan (partners mother) and she has brang him up. When I say brang him up I mean we aren’t allowed a say in his life, she has completely controlled everything !! Now she is completely attached as if he was her own and same for the boy. Anyway.... we have him whenever we can weekends and holidays, this boy has EVERYTHING he wants, he is VERY spoilt!
We also have a nearly 5 year old boy together and I’m also currently pregnant and expecting a girl!
A typical week in my household is fairly relaxed, work, school, beech, Park, normal routines and behaviour but as soon as Friday comes it all feels up in the air, as soon as my stepson arrives the house gets a bit crazy, he’s allowed to do whatever he wants and if I say anything it feels as if I’m picking on him, he’s rude and constantly wants something, my son of 5 is more grown up then my 9 year old stepson! His dad lets him stay up till god knows what time and watches whatever he likes on tv.
Now all this said the biggest problem is myself, I distance myself away from it all. I’ve started planning meals with friends when I know he’s coming just so I can get out the house. My mood changes when he comes and I feel angry and stressed (not good when pregnant) my attitude towards my son and partner change and I become snappy and irritated. I have never felt so negative towards a child and I feel ashamed. It eats me up every single day. I want to be able to hug and kiss him like I do my own son but to be honest I can’t even be in the same room as him. His voice irritates me and everything he does annoys me. I know I’m horrible! I don’t know if I can take much more of it. It’s depressing me and it’s affecting my little boys life and soon it will affect my babies. I love my partner with all my heart, I’d never be with another man but is it fair to stay in a relationship when I can’t commit to his son? I wouldn’t want him knowing how I feel and I don’t want his son knowing either. I’m always polite and kind towards him however I never show any affection. I don’t think I can.....