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Why is it that other people’s children annoy me so much

Hairmoda's picture

The last post I made was about my bfs kid who has adhd. We lived together and he moved out because of it to make a long story short. 

I was over there last night and he asked him to do the dishes. The boy stood in front of the sink and screamed I can’t for five minutes. “I can’t do it, I don’t know how, I’m not doing it, I can’t” after some reinforcement from dad he started doing the dishes. He started singing really loud and dad asked him to please stop. Not even ten seconds later he started again. This honestly happened five times. Is that the adhd? Why did it annoy me so much, it shouldn’t of bothered me as much as it did and I don’t understand why I’m getting so aggravated with everything this kid does. By kid I mean 13 year old. I went to go pick up my 5 year old from grandmas and he wasn’t very good I’m not gonna lie. He totally had a bunch of attitude and I thought to myself hey my kid isn’t even an angel what’s my deal. Is it fair to say that my child isn’t perfect however it’s probably better that I straighten him out not living with a teen who acts just like him or worse. I tried to talk to my bf about it but he got super upset and said that he’s tired of everyone treating his boy like a criminal. That he’s a good boy and I should look at my own son (who’s five) before I talk to him about his son. He’s probably right but something tells me it would still be wrong to put them under the same roof together permanently. It freaks me out because I don’t want my kid to be like him. My son isn’t perfect and I’m starting to feel ashamed for the way I feel about his son. I just can’t shake it...

Comments

tog redux's picture

No, that's not ADHD.  ADHD would be him ending up playing with the bubbles in the sink instead of doing dishes, or finding a toy on the floor in the kitchen and getting distracted by that. Or rushing through the dishes and doing them poorly, and getting frustrated.  What you saw was oppositional behavior, which is not necessarily part of ADHD. He could also have Oppositional Defiant Disorder, the two can go hand-in-hand.  Kids with ODD are the most annoying kids on the planet. They argue with everything you say, refuse to comply with adults and are nasty and vindictive.

Everyone is annoyed by poorly behaved kids and parents who let them get away with it. At least your SO is trying to make his son behave, but it sounds like he's got a long way to go.

Jcksjj's picture

The examples given above are pretty much the exact descriptions of my DS (adhd) and SD (ODD). There are certain things that my son does that definitely get under my skin, but with SD it's a whole other level of irritation because shes doing it with the intent to be annoying. Seeing her smirk when she does something that she knows upsets or annoys people makes it 10x worse than a behavior that is unintentionally annoying. If he is doing it on purpose and you can tell that maybe that's why it bothers you so much? I do agree with other posters though that other people's kids are annoying in general, but I definitely find some to be worse than others.

Chmmy's picture

I dont like being around kids that I am not related to especially my skids. For over 20 years I have been a teacher and a nanny and I have watched the behavior of kids decline and entitlement go through the roof. Even some of my cousins kids get on my nerves. Thank God I had kids young when parents were still in charge.

That's very normal to ignore your own kids antics. I know my kids were no angels but when my skids or kids I nanny misbehave i start to boil inside.

Goodluck's picture

In addition to what tog wrote, I would like to add it is also about human nature and be human.  I would venture to say,  IF you had a sister who's child was similar to boyfriends child....you would tolerate your sisters kid MORE than boyfriends child. This is because you are biologically intertwined / interconnected...

I wish I knew why most people over look fundamental core biology. I firmly believe it is because over the past many years society has become so blinded by what is really in our core. Pushing their own adgenda.  We have become a society that by gosh if you don't love your boyfriends/husbands kid "LIKE YOUR OWN KID" your a rotten terrible person. Sound familiar to you? YOU cant, I cant, no one can love a child in a way a bio parent does or can.

This is not your fault...go easy on yourself and blame your ancestors from 1000 years ago for being so very protective of their pack or clan. It's human nature.

Be kind and do your best to be compassionate to all.

Harry's picture

This kid will never be able to live on his own.  Either staying with his father the rest of his life or has To go into some  group home.  Where there people to help him to some degree 24/7 . 

sunshinex's picture

Kids are, by nature, super self-centered, loud, and annoying. This is ALL kids. They learn social cues, manners, empathy, care for others, etc. from their parents and teachers as they grow up, but when they're young, ALL kids suck lol. As biological parents, we can kind of see past it. My son is absolutely adorable to me, even when he's shrieking and throwing a fit (he's almost 14 months) but I'm sure other people wish he'd shut up. 

When biological parents don't intervene and teach their children, then they never stop being awful to be around :-) 

 

Jcksjj's picture

I dont think all kids are...definitely the majority but I have known some kids that were just sweet, kind kids from birth. And it definitely varies from kid to kid how loud and obnoxious they are. They are all different people just like adults. But even the kids that I find sweet I would probably get annoyed by if I had to live with them. And I agree it's easier to overlook things with your own.

New_to_this's picture

My SS14 has done the same exact thing as yours in the past, and I think just last year, so probably also when he was 13. His chore used to be to put the dishes in the dishwasher and he would say word for word what yours said and did, even down to the singing. SS also has ADHD. My DH has also used the "he's a good kid" speech on me. My SS is no where close to being a good kid. He's practically a criminal.

I'd suggest to you the same thing I commented in your last post. You don't have kids with him, so this is an easy out for you. Your skid doesn't sound as bad as mine, but if you read some of my blogs you might find some similar issues, that may get worst as time goes on. If you don't want him to influence your child, you may want to reconsider this relationship.