is this a theme park? LOL! Wanna go on a twisted ride? Become a stepparent, get the t-shirt. haha.

You described my situation perfectly - and that's why we've all paid admission to get into the theme park in the first place. I think somehow none of us really knew or were blinded by love and thought it would all be fine and we could help, make a difference, etc.... Sure - that's the fantasy anyhow.

SO, yeah, the BM is out of control, lies, harasses, never has a job but is always starting "businesses", is a complete spendthrift on herself, is an un-attentive/ neglectful parent, completely jealous of my relationship with her XH, and totally narcissistic... and puts emotional distress on everyone. FUN. Is it worth it? I wonder because the parking lot seems to be very full at this particular amusement park - I want a tram to take me back to my car. The rides make me wanna puke. And I want to stop at a bar because I am In dire need of a Gimlet. Good gin, straight up. Fresh lime.

Thanks for making me laugh! Very funny post.

I have definitely noticed this phenomena and i've seen countless posts from step-parents on here where the crazy BMs are so similar that it's eerie! I don't think it's random at all and the reason why we have so many of that type of BM in our lives is due to the nature of being in a relationship with someone with kids and an ex. There is a specific BM type that is extremely common on here and I think that's because this site attracts step-parents whose partners had traumatic break-ups (with our husbands dumping the BMs for the most part) and a history of conflict.

I know that there are BMs that are wonderful and that families exist where the relationship with the BM is friendly and normal, but that kind of BM is rarely heard of on here because this is a site for people who need to vent, not people who lucked out and don't have a psycho BM in their lives.

Your list of criteria that so many of our BMs fit exactly in to is perfect! The kind of women that act like this tend to share traits and the resulting personal problems with other messed up BMs. The reasons behind this seem really obvious. We have nasty, stupid, jealous, angry, incompetent etc... BMs because our husband's tend to have a specific background with the BM, which either involves an extremely unhappy marriage or a long, unhappy un-married relationship. In my situation, and in a large percentage of the people on here, my BM desperately wanted H to marry her and she got pregnant both times by lying about birth control in order to "trap" H. He did not want kids, did not want to get married and would rather be a professional ass-wiper than get roped into marriage with BM! She was a white trash loser that hung out at H's house when he was a freshman in college and BM pursued him fanatically, even back then. H was very young and was going through a stoner phase and definitely not mature enough to have a serious gf, let alone a kid! Even though H was a laid back stoner guy in those days, he has always been classy, self-respecting and family oriented. His family is amazing and I realize how lucky I am when it comes to having in-laws. BM's background couldn't be any more white trash and she desperately wanted to be attached to H and his family because she saw it as her ticket to a better life. I think she was smart enough to realize that there was no way H would have stayed with her, or even kept in touch, without kids being involved. H had been dating her for about three months (dating is a little strong, actually. She invited herself over to his house and attached herself to him like a parasite. H didn't like her or dislike her, he just felt pretty detached and went with the flow during that time in his life). Even though he was lazy and unmotivated when it came to dating (smoking pot will do that to you!), he quickly realized that BM was crazily attached to him and that she was not someone he wanted in his life. After three months of dating (she was 17 at the time, I believe?) H noticed that people were surprised that he was "dating" BM and that no one seemed to like her. He started hearing weird things and then his friends started coming up to him and telling him that they had all slept with BM in drunken one night stands. The people H knew back then were pretty shady and some of the people BM slept with were (and are) so gross that I can't imagine coming closer than twenty feet without a Hazmat suit and some bear mace. H really noticed that she didn't get the same respect and friendliness that his previous gf's had gotten from his suite mates and his friends. He said it felt like he was dating a whore, but that no one would say it outright even though everyone knew what was going on. He figured out pretty quickly that she was the village bicycle of the druggy loser crowd and was mortified that he hadn't figured it out sooner. He confronted her about her sexual past because she did the most high risk things in regards to STDs and she associated with the grossest bar flies and it put H at risk. She had lied to him previously and had given the impression that she wasn't very experienced and had been careful and taken safety precautions in the past. He assumed that like most High School/College students, she would have slept with a couple to a few boyfriends. He also assumed that she wouldn't just sleep with anyone and that, like him, she would have only been with long-term, monogamous partners. It was terrifying for him to realize that he had been exposed to God knows what?! He got a complete check up and got tested multiple times to be sure, but was ready to dump her then. Cue pregnancy! She panicked and could tell that she was about to get dumped and lo and behold she went behind his back and got knocked up in an effort to make him stay. I think she thought that it would work flawlessly and that it was okay to lie and manipulate other people to attach herself to H and his family. When she told H she was pregnant, much to her surprise, he dumped her! He was going to anyway, but the pregnancy was the last straw and he was extremely upset and angry with her. He made it clear that he was going to be there for his child, but did not want a relationship with her. She is completely crazy, because for the next six years, she and H were not together or dating, but in her mind, he was secretly in love with her and would eventually get her back and marry her! H had never pursued her, barely shown any interest and had been stupid enough to trust a trailer trash girl with the birth control! (he paid for it, so he assumed that she was being responsible and taking it). She later had a crazy, jealous fit when he started dating someone else, and guilt tripped him into trying again with her for the sake of their kid. She promptly got pregnant again (lying about BC, AGAIN) and sobbed hysterically because H responded by getting a vasectomy and refused to marry her! I think she saw the second kid as insurance and yet another permanent tie with H and H's family and class level and therefore security.

The entire time he was with her, he was completely miserable and he is still bitter that he made such a bad choice and fell into a life path that he never would have chosen willingly. He was a shy, sweet and laid back teen, who hadn't dated much and spent a lot of time hanging out with his stoner buddies and then suddenly he was saddled with an infant and an ex-gf that had a crazily strong obsession with H. He completely quit smoking, both cigarettes and pot, and rarely drank. He moved into his own place with a bedroom for a nursery and just basically cleaned up his life completely. He was a good guy before, but definitely young, naive, and college freshman-ey and having a kid with someone he didn't like was very overwhelming.

Jump forward three years and he met me and we became very close friends and were attracted to each other from the start. We fell in love and it happened to coincide with his decision to leave her, something he had been thinking about for years.

From my perspective, BMs behavior was very shocking and I had never met anyone who had no pride or self-respect like her. From my end, she was in an obviously unhappy and dysfunctional relationship and it was clear to any observer that she was obsessed with him and that he did not reciprocate or even come close to the same kind of feelings. H had been trying to figure out when to leave her for years and his big, main worry was that he knew that BM isn't a good parent and that she would most likely expose the skids to shady people. He finally decided that it would be better for the skids to be from a "broken home" but have their dad be happy and stable and able to parent properly and with support and a strong family. He was right and it's a relief to see that him leaving BM and marrying me was the best thing for the skids. They have improved so much, it's unbelievable.

I fell in love with my best friend and got a giant duffle bag of emotional baggage in the deal, but no matter what stress we are under, we are very happy and grateful for what we have and how lucky we are. I never wanted to have special needs step children and I definitely never wanted to marry a man who has a crazy and obsessed ex with a narcissistic personality, a persecution/blaming attitude and un-ending rage and jealousy towards me.

From her perspective, she came from a trashy, druggy loser family, grew up to be a slutty girl with no self-esteem and attached herself to the first decent guy she was able to cling to. She was repeatedly rejected by H and it never seemed to occur to her that SHE was the one doing the pursuing and that H had never asked her out or made an effort to spend time with her. She was about to be dumped and got pregnant on purpose to prevent the dumping (that's how smart she is! Hmm, boyfriend pulling away? Not wanting to be around? Get pregnant! Lie to him and all your dreams will come true!). His response to the pregnancy was to dump her and maybe that should have given her a clue! He was a great dad and was fully involved with that, but she was so delusional that who knows what her reality actually was at that point? Throughout the rest of their relationship, she continued to pressure him to marry her and started telling people that they were a) already married, b) engaged c) common law married (because not living with someone who isn't your boyfriend is the first step to common law marriage! Lol) or (my favorite) d) "so in love" that they already feel married and "don't need a piece of paper" to validate the "marriage."

I think her whole background and mental pathology are extremely typical for the type of BM that so many of us deal with on here. The events leading up to us getting together are like a perfect recipe for a crazy and rage filled BM. Normally, when someone breaks up with someone for another person, the ex may be bitter and angry, but they eventually move on and they usually are very angry with the ex that dumped them (BM couldn't face being angry with H even though he left her-without H, she literally had no one and I think she would rather live in denial than deal with reality). Her family, personal history and bad choices in her adult life have shaped an unhappy and chaotic pattern and her history of lying, getting pregnant to trap a man and getting dumped a lot have all made her a disaster zone emotionally and mentally. Her life is a train wreck because of choices she makes, but she fits the BPD criteria perfectly and her behavior and attitude are described in so many posts about other BMs! I think the mix of low intelligence, no morals, narcissism, BPD, low self-esteem and trashiness has created the right mix to create a BM that acts the way our BMs do!

Anyway, sorry this post was so long and rambling! It feels great to write it all out and vent. I am still amazed when I see all the parallels and similarities and it's mind blowing that there are so many crazy BMs out there! Lucky us!

Franceca.....yes, I too have noticed the same in many situations posted here I too witnessed the same with my husband's ex, is was a nightmare to deal with. However, not all bio moms are as evil as others and I would like to think of myself as one of those.

I came from an intact family and wanted to get along with my ex (he wanted the divorce, he was having an affair) and I wanted to befriend my husband's ex. Bio mom made it very clear from the start that was not going to happen. My ex told my daughter's so mnay lies it was incredile however in all of this I got along fine with my exhusband's wife. I expected my daughters to respect their stepmom, stepdad, and even their butthead father. When they complained I listened but I never attacked anyone and I only tried to help my children understand. My daughters were never allowed to say hateful things to their step parents like my stepsons were allowed to do to me.

As a result many years later, all the kids grown, my daughters have a good relationship with their stepmom and stepdad. they see all the lies their dad told, they know the destruction he did and they understand why I want to have nothing to do with him. Stepsosn on the other hadn are bitter and feel they are justified in seeing me as a nothing in their lives. I raised the boys from ages 5 & 7, bio mom was not ever a consistant part of the picture, husband had custody.