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Disappointed

Francesca's picture

I must say I am disappointed in many of the responses given to my previous post about my SO's divorce almost being over. My concerns are that he is not able to get custody of his 5 year old who is living with an unstable mother.

Those of you who defend a BM's maniacal behavior should really try to imagine if a man/husband did the things that these women do-in the name of being "hurt." He'd go from restraining orders to OOPs to jail and to limited/supervised visitation. In no way would he be able to keep residential custody.

It is even more disappointing how so many women said "MY" children, not "OUR" or "THEIR" children. It seems the children belong to the mother only. That's great but you change your tune when it comes to child support. THEN they are "OUR" children. When the BMS' want money they remember who the father is, until then it was an immaculate conception.

Comments

napamom's picture

I agree with you. I think many of the comments are unjustified. Good luck getting through this, it's really hard stuff but can be really worth it in the end. I hope the divorce is final soon!

Willow2010's picture

How is BM unstable? Where you the other woman? I looked back through some of your post and can't seem to find it.

BSgoinon's picture

>>> Husbands don't leave unless there is an interest, idea, or someone else in the picture.

That's not true. My DH left BM when she decided to get high every day instead of go to work. Had nothing to do with "another woman", it had to do with a better standard of living.

BSgoinon's picture

I guess the idea of having a better life? I supposed, but it didn't have anything to do with another woman.

I am not saying that it isn't common, it is. I am just saying that it doesn't always have to do with another woman.

BSgoinon's picture

Does that mean you had the surgery, or you want the surgery, I am always getting that confused.

BSgoinon's picture

LMAO!

realitycheckmom's picture

He had a premonition of you and he left and waited three years for you to show up. It took you long enough. Smile

herewegoagain's picture

Ah, no. Husbands DO leave even without us as an interest. I met my DH many years after he left crazy witch. She was married before he and I even started dating. I have little sympathy for anyone who gets involved in any way with a man who is married, or a woman for that matter.

Men leave for the same reasons as women leave...sometimes it's an affair, but many times because they are sick and tired of the spouse.

Sadly, because MANY women get involved with men who are not divorced, society ALSO penalizes most women who get married to a divorced man even if she had NOTHING to do with him before, even if she met him 10 years later...because the assumption by many is that SHE had something to do with it. So, no, I have no tolerance for women who make things difficult for us all by getting involved with married men and in no way do I want to be compared to them.

PS - there was a guy from high school I knew...he got married...after years of me not seeing him, he called me up...he wanted to divorce his wife and marry me...I told him he needed to focus on HIS relationship with his wife...that I would no longer answer any of his calls if he was married...that EVEN IF he divorced her, that did NOT mean that we would date or give our relationship a chance...that if he was miserable with her, he could divorce her but not to even think that it was because he would come to me and I would accept him. By the time he divorced, I was dating someone else...I did NOT dump the guy I was dating and by the time I stopped dating the other guy, he again was married...it is what it is. It wasn't meant to be. But I, as he, have my respect and dignity intact in that I never involved myself with any married man or hurt another woman.

Disneyfan's picture

No, most of us were not the other women. Sorry, but I have no desire to date a married man. If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you.
Many of us met our SO's after they were divorced. Some BMs still blame the break up on us. You can imagine what life would be like if that point was valid?

DaizyDuke's picture

I believe poster said that she has been with her SO for YEARS... I read that as SO and his EX have been seperated for years, but are squabbling about divorce crap and so don't have that piece of paper on file with the state.

I lived the reverse of this.. my ExH cheated on me, I kicked his ass out. Our divorce dragged on for 2.5 years. In my mind, the MINUTE he moved out and lawyers were hired and divorce papers started, he was no longer my "husband"... he was only my "husband" as far as the state was concerned. As a matter of fact I refused (and still do) to even refer to him as my ex "husband" (gag) I actually refer to him as the ex idiot.

I didn't see anywhere where poster said that she and her SO were an item while he was still living with BM???

bi's picture

i don't call the ex my exdh,either. he was pretty offended when he told some jailmate friend of his that i'm his exwife and i said "no." so then he says "oh, you're not my ex wife?" i gave him a look that screamed ARE YOU STUPID?? and said "i don't claim you!" that really pissed him off. i really don't understand why he can't just call me his ex. why Why WHY does he always have to throw the W word in there? apparently he really doesn't get it that it makes me ill that i ever had anything to do with him. :sick:

Unfreakingreal's picture

HRNYC - is there any reason for your constant snarky remarks? I mean, I know NYC folks tend to be rude by nature, but take a chill pill will ya? You're not playing nice in the sandbox.

bi's picture

that's the pot calling the kettle black. you speak for all sm's with your constant judgement and nasty remarks. according to you, we are all cut from the same cloth, yet you get offended if you are placed in a box? interesting...

BSgoinon's picture

I don't see where you were the other woman. A lot can happen in the years that have passed that he has been waiting for his divorce to be final.

I am sorry you are feeling attacked. I can see how you would. My divorce took 4 years. I lived with DH while we waited for my divorce to be final. My ex just would not sign the papers.

I feel sad for this little girl. She is boviously feeling stuck in the middle. And she does need help. I hope you are taking her to talk to a Dr. Sadly, it is hard to prove an unfit mother unless it is out right neglect or abuse. And even at that, they are given "chance after chance" to get it together and raise their kids.

I am glad that it is nearing an end for you, and just remember through all of this that it is your and DH's responsibiltiy (because you are the sane ones) to protect that little girl as best you can within the legal rights that you have. If you suspect she is being HIT, then take her to the Dr. If you suspect there is foul play, then call CPS. She needs an advocate... it will have to be you.

Francesca's picture

Well it's truly frightening that the stereotype is so strong. The bad, cheating husband and his "girlfriend" are now trying to take the innocent mother's kids away. If he was so bad why would she be trying to get him back? If he was so bad why would I be with him? Plus the "girlfriend" nonsense. I'm older than BM, so he didn't run away with a cute, young thing. When he asked her for a divorce she went into the bathroom and pretended to have a miscarriage. She kept throwing a then very young, sleeping girl in the truck and pretending to run away late at night. She trashed the house and the garage. She damaged the cars. She told SO's family that he was addicted to drugs and alcohol and that's why he wanted a divorce. He needed help. When he got the strength to move out she tried to kill herself, or she pretended to. DCFS became involved and he had to go back to watch her. Just what she wanted. Then she tried all sorts of maneuvers. Counselors, priests, friends, anyone to convince him to stay. Stay for what? What do we tell women in abusive relationships? Get out! And nothing has changed. She continues the same behavior only now there are court orders. She is having a VERY hard time complying. One child was ordered into counseling as she forbid him to see his father. The counselor told her to back off. It doesn't end, though. We are just hoping that if we make enough noise, someday, someone will see the danger the kids are in. One child has already been emancipated and the second is not far behind. The issue is the 5, almost 6 year old who is showing behavioral signs of abuse. We just cannot afford the evaluators, psychologists and GAL. Not on top of paying BM and the attorneys. We are in a no win. BM refuses to work so no money there. You want an evaluation? Great, but be prepared to pay for it. All the experts have advised that without broken arms and bruises, he has very little chance of getting custody. BUT GIVE IT TIME WHEN THE COURT IS NO LONGER LOOKING. So, we knowingly leave a child with a woman out of control UNTIL we get a broken bone or bruise. Apparently the mind is not bruisable? It is a sad system indeed. Very sad. I have been called a biased witness and the child unreliable. So there, take that. BM can keep her and we win and you lose. No, the CHILD loses. Why, I ask you, all of you, WHY would I want a FIVE year old when I am 48 and childless? I have a career, friends and never wanted children. WHY am I fired up enough to help him fight? Because I see a little girl without protection and a system who bashes the fathers no matter what. He's now a "visitor?" A visitor who pays a huge chunk of his income to BM? And a childs asks me "how come I can't say with you guys?" Because our system sucks ittle girl? Because no one thinks you know when you are unhappy? Because no one will investigate without getting PAID to do it? Because man hating lawyers protect abusive BMs? Yeah, get the bastard, he left her. So sad, so sad.

Unfreakingreal's picture

No woman has the power to take any womans husband away. Men LEAVE because they want to. For whatever reason, but they LEAVE. Another woman can sleep with your husband, suck him off real well. But if he chooses to up and GO I can bet it has less to do with the ass he's getting on the side and more to do with what he feels is lacking in his home. It can be anything, but this poster wanted support and she got bashed. I sympathize with what she's dealing with. I've been with DH for almost 12 years and we still deal with a crazy BM. They were NEVER married and SHE swears I took him from her. I don't give a shit what she thinks, I know what really happened. If he loved her, he'd be with her. And that's that.

BSgoinon's picture

And that's the truth right there... if he loved her, he'd be with her.

I used to laugh so hard when BM would call me yelling that DH still loves her, and he will be back and that if it weren't for me, they'd still be married. He left her before I came along.And 8 years later... guess what, he is with ME. He is with the one he loves.

Sucks OP got bashed the way she did. It was uncalled for.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Yes, all the high and mighty Stalkers on their fucking soapbox waving the Homewrecker flags. Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit!

hereiam's picture

Every time I would hear about BM claiming I "stole" her husband (she kicked him out for the third time before we even got together), I see a picture of myself all dressed in black, sneaking in the window, stuffing DH into a pillowcase, throwing him over my shoulder and exiting through the back door into the woods on my tiptoes.

BSgoinon's picture

LMAO, that's so funny! You sneaking little thing you? How did you get him to stay quiet?

hereiam's picture

Sent them back to her with a ransom note. She refused to pay.
But in the long run, she paid alright!

Francesca's picture

Thank you for all of the support, I appreciate the diversity of opinion. For the record, unless he is a slave, a man cannot be "stolen." Perhaps men have feelings also. When he feels unloved or not valued he may start looking for that happiness elsewhere. By the time someone decides to file for divorce in a court, he or she is done. Whatever internal processes one had to go through, they came to a conclusion to end that marriage. A woman, or man, for that matter, does not come along and say, "I think I'll steal that guy today." 'Yeah, let me rework that in my head." People are human, perhaps we need to also look at ourselves when someone leaves, or cheats, why did they do that? There is a difference between a "cheater" who cheats and never leaves, and someone who "cheats" and leaves for good.

bulletproof's picture

I just went back and read your other post and the comments...Though I wouldn't get involved with a married man (I once dated a man who claimed he was divorced, and I found out that wasn't the case when his wife called me to find out how long I had been dating her husband...yeah, never again), I don't judge you for doing it. Sounds like BM is like all the rest who struggle to be competent adults and deal with their emotions, and instead choose to dump all of their bullshit on everyone else.

Sometimes I feel like I have to convince everyone on here of things as well. Everyone has their opinions and sometimes, unfortunately, our past circumstances are triggered when we read things and we let those emotions cloud our ability to support other people on this site.

Francesca's picture

Whoever you are STEPDOWN, you are incorrect.Are you our BM? A person does not spend thousands of dollars on mediators, counselors and ATTORNEYS if they might want to reconcile. Only a delusional person would think that. The papers will be signed next Monday. The marriage is over. If it's not then I'm sending the laundry to BMs house, along with the grocery list and bills.

Unfreakingreal's picture

You also have to keep in mind...Men for some reason aren't as prone to just LEAVE as women are. A man will stay in a bad relationship until something better comes along and gives them the BOOST to leave. Whereas an unhappy woman, will plot, save & scheme until everything is perfectly laid out and ready for her exit. Men need a safety net. They are the weaker of the 2 sexes and 9 times outta 10 can't or won't be alone.

Francesca's picture

Ah, interesting post. No, STEPDOWN, I don't recall saying that they were going to reconcile, where did you see that? As for the hoochie momma, I love that. I'm a 48 year old teacher who previously was a crazy parrot lady in a bird club. BM is 43 so younger than me. I explain only to dispell myths and help dads and kids. Yes we met, yes he was still married, yes he was unhappy and living as a stranger in his home. Two years? It's been three now and let's go back. First year BM tries to kill herself, or fakes it in my opinion. SO is laid off and has a side job but is fired because BM goes to job and starts screaming in public with none other than HER MOTHER. SO sells his Corvette to pay the bills because BM has spent the money where? He gives her money from Corvette, she removes money from bank and does not pay the bills. Home almost in foreclosure, I help him save house and get a modification. I apply for food stamps for BM as she refused to bring documents and was denied twice. SO forces her to bring documents to office. SO keeps putting money in joint account and BM does not pay MORTGAGE, CAR PAYMENTS, CAR INSURANCE. Car reposessed, home in arrears, insurance cancelled. SO now sells third truck to buy Christmas presents. BM's cell phone is $1200.00 for playing Internet Wheel Of Fortune and text messages. SO has to cancell phone and get separate account and portion out money as she is spending it where? SO asks her to move to her mother's so he can rent home as they cannot afford it. She tells everyone he kicked her out with no money and no food. We buy kids boxes of clothes, coats and shoes and BM throws them away. BM tries to run to New York with kids but relatives stop her. BM destroys house and garage and makes false police reports. SO asks for a legal divorce and she pretends to miscarry. SO returns shaking as BM is out of control. BM hires a marriage counselor and asks SO to come over and BM hits him in the head with a picture when he tells counselor he wants a divorce. Counselor leaves. She asks him to talk to a priest, he does and tells the priest the same thing. Priest advises BM to accept situation. BM brings old friends to try to convince him to stay. BM sends a felon convicted of extortion to follow and threaten me. BM sends me text messages from cell phone store telling me SO is cheating on me. BM calls SO's family and tells them they need an intervention as I am a drug addict who has him on drugs and alcohol, on top of that I am old and ugly. BM comes to our house and smashes his car window out. SO hires private mediator who explains to BM the damgage she is doing to the kids and that she can help BM with divorce process BM quits ignoring mediator's instructions to share children. Ok, SO files for divorce after getting enough money to do so. BM evades service for THREE MONTHS. She then refuses to come to court and evades court for THREE months causing her to be in default. He almost won. That's six months right there. Now judge gives her time to get a lawyer. Judge orders mediation. Judge orders counseling for kids. BM gets a lesbian lawyer who believes her BS. SO has to file for EVERY parenting time, EVERY holiday. BM writes love letters, BM writes threatening letters. BM destroys TOYS, SCHOOL SUPPLIES, COATS, SHOES AND GIFTS that SO gives them. BM refuses to cooperate with bankruptcy attorney and attorney closes the case filing SO by himself. Now BM denies that she was ever on banktuptcy and wants SO to pay attorney fees AGAIN. BM still does not feel the need to work. BM tells kids father does not love them, abandoned them, left them with no food or money. Kids are not allowed to see him. Only young girl forced on court order. Oldest child becomes emancipated. Second child doing better after counseling. Youngest child wants to live with us as BM is mean to her ALL THE TIME. I see it with my own eyes. Girl is picked up and thrown in BM's car, grabbbed by wrist and dragged in house screamed at because she wants one more kiss from her dad or me. BM hits her in face for breaking flowers in garden. Child has unexplained nose bleeds that cover shower walls. BM says it's because she's allergic to the kid's makeup she put on. BM won't answer phone on kids's birthdays that are close together. BM won't go to girls recital because I am there as it is SO's day. What else, have all day?

Unfreakingreal's picture

You'll get both ends of the spectrum. Ignore the posts that piss you off and read the ones that don't.

Francesca's picture

Well, again, I compare her actions to if a man were doing it. My friend was removed from his home after his wife filed for divorce and already had a boyfriend. She told police he threatened her and she felt unsafe. That was it, boom, he was out. Kids stayed with her. OOP in place. Worked like a charm. Now they are in a custody battle and she is making all sorts of claims including that he has guns in his house. He was a stay at home dad, BTW and she a high stakes money maker. Didn't matter when she said she felt unsafe that was it. And she did that after she got a lawyer, not before. When men are violent (or accused of such) that's it, OOP, restraining order. When women do it, oh, well, poor thing, cheated on, what do you expect? She lost her mind. Bastard, he deserves it. See the difference? That makes me sad. I am a feminist, NOW card carrying member but I have had my eyes opened WIDE from this experience. Women are seen without power. That's why an out of control, violent BM is given no credibility to to harm. Until she does. Her threats are not taken seriously. A flip side of sexism. Only men can do harm, not women. Especially mainstream women who were stay at home moms. We're not talking abut crack addicts here. So she's just a woman scorned, it's ok. Not to worry. Until it happens. Right here in Illinois we had Marilyn Nemak who killed her three kids to get even with the father for leaving. Kids dead, mother in prison on medication for life. She's bipolar, gee whodathunk? Dad was a doctor. Now he's remarried but kids are dead. Tell me there were no problems with that woman before he left? Tired of the mamby pamby poo poo poor woman as she continues to be violent.

Francesca's picture

Well some people might think your divorce is immoral. Some people might think that a marriage not working is not reason to get a divorce, you said for better or worse, sickness and health, correct? Happiness is a rather ethereal quality in a marriage, no? Why didn't you work on it more? Why didn't you honor your vows? What did they mean,anyway? So you didn't sleep around, so what? In my (previous) religion there is no excuse, a divorce is only a legal procedure, not a moral one. You should only have one sexual partner in your life, your husband. Get it? Stop throwing stones. You seem intent on making a point that "affairs" are immoral and "wrong." Well that's your opinion. And "affair" is a rather outdated, loaded word. You obviously have an axe to grind, why don't you do it elsewhere?

Francesca's picture

Well I've already heard all the criticism throughout this court case. I've been grilled by DCFS workers who BM told I was on drugs. They wanted to do a background check on me. I already have one, I'm a teacher. So why am I being criticized here?

Thankless is an understatement. No one started out trying to take custody from her. A man tried to get a divorce. A woman started acting abusively toward him, me and the children. The two year old is now almost six. Now she can talk. Now she can tell us how her mother treats her. On more than one occasion they disappeared for a week. We made police reports. The child reports verbal abuse, physical abuse and emotional neglect. She is fed McDonald's everyday. She is dressed in ill fitting clothes that are not weather appropriate. As I mentioned, we gave clothes, shoes, coats etc. She gets PLENTY in child support. Why does the kid's shoes have holes? Why is she not groomed? Why is she in a car unseatbelted while BM drives 70 miles an hour in a rage? Why does a child say fuck you and jackass as a regular part of her vocabulary? Why does her preschool teacher think the mother's home is unstable? Why is she told that daddy is coming back and they are going to live in their old house? Why is she told not to love her father? Why is she screamed at all the time? At some point a father says enough, my child is not being treated right. I am worried about her. I want her with me. People need to get over this cheating business. Isn't taking thousnds of dollars intended for household bills cheating?

Francesca's picture

Dear DIVORCEE, well since you are doling out advice... If I were married to your ex-husband (DH) I would have stayed married and taken my marriage vows SERIOUSLY. I would have sought counseling from my religious leader to make my marriage work. I guess in our selfish society we place our petty grievances before serious marriage vows and TOSS ASIDE those vows when it's "just not working." What a cop out. Did he beat you? Did he starve you? Did he lock you in a closet for days? No. What did it really mean that day? Nothing? I vow I promise, until I'm tired of you and I'll exchange you like I exchange my cell phone at the store? That's the problem with society today. We are a throw away society, we throw away spouses like we throw away this months Ladies Home Journal. Too bad. Now you are a DIVORCEE!, and your current husband (really your BF) has TAINTED GOODS. In fact, many religions don't even consider you married. You are still married to your VERY DEAR HUSBAND (the real one). I really think you ought to consider reconciling with your DH. After all, you were married in the eyes of GOD. That is a very serious sacrament you made, at least in MY religion. In fact, I think you ought to beg forgiveness for committing the SIN of divorce. You had no business getting that divorce without a VERY good reason and I don't think you gave your DH a chance. Or maybe he's as throw away as you are (SHUDDER). Yeah, just not working, let's call it quits. You know, that sofa just doesn't fit in here like it used to, let's throw it away and try another one (SIGH). Some people's marriages survive cancer, poverty, the death of a child. They survive floods and fires, they survive the kidnappping of children. Yours couldn't survive "it's just not working?" How utterly selfish. How immature. Didn't you think you'd have to grow together over the years? Didn't you think there would be differences? Someone would get fat or bald or OLD? Well, that's what I would have done. I would have valued my marriage vows and stuck it out until the end, like my great-aunt did! She stayed with a disrespectful husband for life! She didn't call it quits! They sure don't make 'em like they used to, do they? So, I think you are wrong and should go reconcile with your real husband as you should have in the first place. I think what you did is immoral and just plain wrong. In fact, I think we should go back to thegood old days and make divorce illegal again. If you need anymore advice, ask anytime!

LizzieA's picture

SD, why don't you lay off? Two wrongs don't make a right. NOTHING justifies this woman lying her violence, not paying bills, PASing her child, etc. At the least she is making a fool out of her self; at the worst, damaging the child she "loves" for life.

My DD's father cheated on me, serial cheater, still is. Did I go psycho? NO. I moved on. Did I fill my DD's head with evil about him? NO.

Francesca, another poster years ago made the mistake of telling people that she was the "OW".

You could say I was too, as DH's divorce was not final when we met. BM had a BF too. Life is not black and white.

LizzieA's picture

I think she's tweaking you about your EX, you know, sarcasm. I do fail to see how acting like an evil nutjob is going to help BM get her husband back. If he had any doubt before, I'm sure he's thankful every day he got away from her.

No one can force a person to love someone else. A marriage takes two participants. And I don't think the end of one is the unforgiveable sin people act like. Francesca did not cause this woman to be this way. She already was, how people act is about THEM. Thinking that she deserves it reminds me of the Puritans. Scarlet A, anyone?

BSgoinon's picture

SD,

In all seriousness, was OP the other woman with your ExH? It almost seems personal at this point, how persistant you are in her blog.

Just curious (honestly).

BSgoinon's picture

>>>>If she accepts her responsibility in this mess I have no issues with it

But who are YOU to be "ok" with it? She doesn't have to please you in life. If you don't like that she is not admitting responsibility, then why get on her blog at all? I don't think it is my place to force someone to accept responsibility for anything. I can only worry about ME, and what I control. It is her life. She did what she wanted to do. And no matter how wrong or right it is, her admitting to or NOT admitting to any sort of BLAME does not affect the innocent kids in this situation, like BM's PASing is.

Sure we all make mistakes, just like YOU hounding this poor woman to "admit responsibility" in a situation that has absolutely nothing to do with you is a mistake. Just like this BM abusing the kids, and using them to try to get him to go back to her, ALL MISTAKES, but I am not her "Higher Power" I am not God, and I cannot judge her, or hold her responsible. I am a stranger, on the internet.... just like you.

Francesca's picture

I think you are a whack job like all these BMs on here that SMs are dealing with. You don't even know me yet you feel some responsibility to make me see the error of my ways? Who are you and don't you have anything else to do? Good grief. I prepared my road when he decided to divorce with an emphasis on protecting the children. Too bad the woman who birthed them didn't think that was important. I wouldn't change anything except I would have had BM arrested and called DCFS much earlier, not giving her a chance to do what she did.

Francesca's picture

I was being completely sarcastic in my previous post to illustrate how judgemental STEPDOWN is. What "I" would have done. Well, it wasn't you, was it? You throw around archaic words like "mistress," "adultery," "immoral" yet you are divorced. I have friends and family who believe divorce is a sin, period. My mother stayed married for fear of "excommunication." Does anyone remember that? In any event, I don't have to satisfy you or anyone else for that matter. I am also curious why you keep buzzing around my blog if you are so offended. It does seem personal at this point. BM is not fighting for her "legal" husband, she is fighting for the control she used to have over him. For someone to pay for her lazy ass so she can play Wheel of Fortune all day. So she can watch Soaps all day. This is a woman who fleeced her own mother for 50k, yes, I said 50k because she was going to pay off the bills. No one knows where that 50k went. She is a con artist and unfortunately fleeced not only her mother, but her DEAR HUSBAND as well. When I met him I straightened out his finances. Since he does not read or write English he had a very difficult time figuring out what had gone on. It took me almost TWO YEARS to straighten him out, cancel BM's phone, credit cards, I had a GREAT TIME, BTW. And illuminating her fraud that she had commmitted. Sure she's PISSED OFF because SHE CAN'T FOOL ME. And, trust me when I say we will get married and WE WILL GET CUSTODY OF HIS CHILDREN. It's only a matter of time. She will continue to abuse the kids and she will get careless when the court is no longer watching or sending the children to counseling. And you were not there when this happened or when he left her. BM drove her DEAR HUSBAND AWAY with her lies, financial fraud and cruelty to him. She drove him away by alienating all of their friends, by quitting school that he paid for. She drove him away by not being able to explain where his money was going (and she still hasn't). She drove him away by taking the proceeds from a CORVETTE and not paying the bills. Yes it's true, I called the bank myself. The money was removed the next DAY but no bills were paid. She drove him away by REFUSING TO WORK, even though SO became unemployed. And, if there had been ANY CHANCE AT ALL after he met me, she DROVE HIM AWAY with her VIOLENCE and AGGRESSION toward him and his children. And if you must know, I sent him away to make a decision. Either divorce her or go back. He chose DIVORCE.

BSgoinon's picture

You don't need to justify your situation to anyone. Only you and DH know the WHOLE story. If you are at peace with it, then so be it.

mamad's picture

Ugh I agree with stepdown. Francesca seems to be trying to drive her point home. No affairs aren't archaic, nor is adultery and morality. If you can't see that then you are no more fit to parent that child than your boyfriends wife. How will you be able to instill good morals? Yes MORALS. Because contrary to want you believe the word 'immoral' is not archaic.