New here & Mixed emotions. How do I feel better?
Well - I am SO glad I came across this site. I have felt AWFUL the past year or so dealing with the feelings I have towards my SS10. My DH and I have been together about 5 years, married almost 3. I have a BD16 and it took her awhile to adjust to the situation. At first I spoiled my SS. We had a really great relationship. My DH would have him when he wasn't working. Then after awhile he changed jobs which allowed him to have SS more. I was always for it. I even helped/pushed him to get 50/50. The BM is a piece of work. She has an older daughter, not my DHs, who seems that BM counted on her to take care of SS a lot. We battled in court for awhile and got 50/50. It took us another year to finally get the CS changed. That was always stressful and irritating to me that we would have SS yet BM would get full CS. At least that is sorted out now.
Anyway - of course my SS was "cute" when he was younger...he has a speech impediment which hasn't improved the past 5 years, I feel, due to lack of proper parenting. And it is NOT cute anymore. It's annoying and frustrating. I know he's not my kid. And I have to remind myself that ALL THE TIME. BUT...I seem to be the only adult that actually gives a crap and tries to help him. My DH has gotten better. But this all puts stress on our relationship whenever SS is around. There are other issues like lack of ALL common sense. It's so frustrating teaching SS to function as a human and then when he goes back to his BM it's all forgotten and then we start all over. Simple things like hygeine, brushing teeth, being able to play by himself and not always needing someone else around, thinking for himself, and just...I don't know, everything! Yes I know he's a child. But he will always act like one if he doesn't learn and have to do things and use his brain. This would be easier for me if he actually had a disability. Beleive me - I hate myself for how I feel.
It's also gotten so bad that my DH knows how I feel. That breaks my heart. I wouldn't want to be with someone that think that way about my BD. My DH is mostly great when we don't have SS. He's not perfect. No one is. But we have a great friendship and relationship and I know he knows I care and that's why I get so upset. But I don't know how much longer I can go on feeling like this. I try to avoid home when we have SS. My BD gets annoyed with it all too. But she has told me that SS needs me.
I just need some advice or support?? I hate that I don't like my SS anymore. He's not a bad kid. It's not fully his fault but at the same time he is at the age where he can take some responsibility and not be so dependant on everyone else. Everything about him irritates me to the bone. This is not who I am