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FrustratedMe76's picture

My husband just recently got full custody of his 13 year old daughter.  Her and I get a long fine, that's not the problem.  The problem is my husband's actions towards me.  He treats me like I'm a second wife and his daughter's needs definately come before mine.  I have two daughters from previous marriage that are grown and already moved out.  This has been very difficult for me to stay in the marriage when I feel like I don't have a "voice" in my own home.  When I talk to him about it, he gets VERY defensive and says that I'm just being crazy.  But I feel what I feel.  He's not loving and there's a huge void in my heart.  I've been a real witch to him but it's because I don't feel important in his life anymore.  He's strickly in 'Dad mode'.  Keep in mind, for 6 years, it was just him and his daughter.  I honestly don't think he knows how to show love to two people in the household so he just shows it to his daughter.  He tells her everything about his day and him and I don't speak much anymore.  Any advice for this would be greatly appreciated.



AlmostGone83's picture

Of course you get along fine. She currently has wife status and up till now you haven’t fought her for it. Expect that to change when/if your husband ever puts her in her place. Maybe try sitting your husband down and telling him exactly how you feel with some concrete example of how he makes you feel second to his daughter. If he’s not interested in changing his ways then there isn’t much more you can do except try to convince him to go to therapy. However, he doesn’t sound willing to listen to anyone. In that case he’s telling you exactly how much you mean to him and it may be time to start planning an exit

CLove's picture

I know this is hard to think of, but it sounds like you have miniwife, and shes happy as a clam. You are definitely the mistress in this marriage.

InvisibleInGeorgia's picture

i understand how you feel completely.  I have felt this exact same way for years myself with DH and SS.  I wish I knew the answer.  Marriage counseling probably is a good start, but have not done that, ugh. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Welp, if he has chosen HER as his mini wife, let her take on all the legally acceptable wifely duties.

I would go on COMPLETE strike. Let him know you are not the maid and until he treats you like an equal partner and wife, you will sit back and let SD take over the wifely duties. For sex, he's on his own.


Siemprematahari's picture

You have options OP. You don't have to remain in this marriage if you are unhappy. He's clearly got a mini wife on his hands and you are just there to warm up his bed and play the maid. If he refuses to get marriage counseling are you still going to continue this way? Playing 2nd to his daughter? His daughter gets wifey status and you have filled the mistress position.

You have some soul searching to do and living like this is not it.

Iamwoman's picture

He is married to his daughter.

Yet again, the socially-acceptable, emotionally-incestuous, child-centricity, wins.

Carolinagirl79's picture

Its time to put your foot down!! i have went through the same thing except she was controlling my DH without living with us.. If you dont become firm and tell him how you feel and what has to change you will be miserable and things wont change! Give him a chance to make changes and if he doesnt I would be making a exit quick