SD is back with BM after she was placed in a Group Home Update
Due to SD's(age 16 almost 17) behavior, BM put her in a group home for about a year. BM was expecting the group home to perform miracles and "cure" SD. Well, it didn't. It just gave BM a long vacation away from SD.
I am not sure exactly what happened at the Group Home but SD was sent home earlier than expected. It seemed there was some type of altercation between her and the staff. SD had brusies and said the staff attacked her. The staff said SD attacked them and it took 3 of them to hold her back. There was an investigation and no one was fired and SD was sent home earlier. According to BM, if the investigation found that the staff did something wrong, then they would be fired. I am assuming that the staff was defending themselves and SD was the threat since they sent her home. It isn't the first time SD claimed that someone injured her when she started it. I am not on board with blaming the staff. DH and BM blame the staff as usual.
SD has to go to a small private school for kids with disabilities because the therapist have told BM that SD shouldn't be back at the local high school because she wouldn't be able to handle it. I am not sure what that means. I am guessing SD's bad behavior is still going to be a problem. SD has always been a handful in school whether it was a small private school or a large public school.
Well, SD has been home for a little over a month now. She is back to stealing money from BM's credit card. Well, she really never stopped. While SD was doing home visits on a few weekends from the group home, she was stealing BM's credit card. Of course, there wasn't a need to give SD consequences for stealing. After all, SD has a disability (according to BM). SD is bipolar, ADHD, depression and anxiety or at least that is what BM tells us. I am not sure if a dr has confirmed the bipolar diagnosis or not. I think I am missing a few more diagnois. It is hard for me to keep up with all of those. BM called DH to tell him about it and DH just says that it was BM's credit card and BM should handle it. SD is never really addressed about stealing. DH just tells her not to do it again and BM yells at her and SD is allowed to keep what she purchased from the card. Gotta love those great parenting skills. *ROFL*
Last week, BM called DH to inform him that SD was claiming to be pregnant. SD claimed to have had sex with a boy that she knew this time she claimed it was consensual (read my blog, long story on this one). DH told BM to get a pregnancy test and have SD take it. Bm says that SD is refusing a pregnancy test. A few days afterwards, DH and I were out shopping and ran into BM. BM tells DH that SD is still claiming to be pregnant except this time her story has changed. It seems that SD had some guy she met send her his frozen sperm so she could inject it in her during her fertile time. I am not sure if she is changing the story saying that she had sex or if she did both. BM had her BD (not SD) with her and I started talking to her so I didn't have to listen to BM talk about SD. I left shaking my head. DH didn't seemed to be too concerned about it.
Last night, SD called DH and told DH that BM took her to the dr and she took the depo-provera shot. I am not really sure if that is true or not because it is really hard for me to believe anything SD says. DH believed her. Well, DH beleives everything SD says.
SD doesn't come for visits to my home so I do not have to worry about all the drama being brought to my home.
Keep in mind SD has been seeing multiple therapist since she was 7 years old. She has also seen a psychiatrist, admitted to the mental hospital more than once, and 2 group homes.
Even though SD has been diagnosed as Bipolar, I just have a hard time believing it. SD has 3 older siblings (not DH's kids) and each of those kids acted the same way as SD. SD does tend to be more violent in the school than the other kids. SD has been suspended multiple times for fighting at school.
I need to write a book. When I met DH, I could have NEVER imagined this kind of drama. I am just glad it isn't brought to my house.
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Comments
Honestly, as someone in the
Honestly, as someone in the child mental health field, I'd have to say it does sound like there is more going on than bad parenting, though bad parenting won't help it any!
One of my pet peeves is that group homes, which are meant to be a HIGHER LEVEL OF CARE, can send a kid home when she's out of control. Seriously? Why do they think she's there in the first place?!
Does SD no longer come over to your house?
No, SD doesn't come over
SD doesn't come to my house. She lied when she was younger and social services was involved. Not only did she put DH at risk, she put my kids and myself at risk also. Since it is my house (mine before I married DH), and my Bkids lived here, I informed DH that she wasn't coming here for visits. I did tell him that he could see her as much as he wanted but not around me or my house. DH understood and saw SD outside of the house. To this day, I don't know if she lied because BM told her to lie or she lied because she didn't want me with DH and thought he would leave.
Edited to add...I was 99.9% sure that the group home wasn't going to help SD. I am not so sure that SD can get the help she needs until she is willing to accept the help and BM and DH start parenting.
Well, group homes can only
Well, group homes can only send certain kids home to parents because most of the kids have been removed from their homes by the state. If a kid is being a violent disruption and a danger to staff and other kids and has perfectly able parents? Yeah...they get kicked back to the responsible parties.
Not generally how it works
Not generally how it works here.
You have an abundance of
You have an abundance of foster parents in your state and slots in youth group homes are always available? This child was voluntarily placed in the home at the request of the parents.
Youth group homes are not equipped to deal with the extremely violent. Staff are underpaid and undertrained and the needs of the other kids in the home will always outweigh the needs one one child whose parents still retain legal custody.
A decision to kick a kid back to ineffectual parents is never taken lightly. But it sounds like this girl needs way more intensive treatment (institutional) than a typical group home can offer. I'm sure the group home recommended residential therapy.
OK, I'll just take my 30
OK, I'll just take my 30 years of mental health experience and keep my mouth shut.
Wow. You may have a different
Wow. You may have a different experience in your line of work. I served as the program director for a girls group home myself. Just adding my two cents...it doesn't invalidate your experiences, but they may not be universal.
No. That's why I said it
No. That's why I said it doesn't work that way in MY AREA. You were the one who started the argument about it.
I'm confused. You said this
I'm confused. You said this was a pet peeve of yours (group homes kicking kids out). So you experience this enough to become a pet peeve, but that's not how it works in your area?
I'm truly not trying to argue with you....only present a perspective from someone who has actually worked in a group home and a reason why some kids don't do well in that setting.
The doctor wouldn't have
The doctor wouldn't have given her the depo shot if she was knocked up, so at least that is good to know! It sounds like she has so many issues that should not be allowed to be passed to future generations.
I don't kow what to say about any of the rest of it. Just be glad she isn't in your home. I agree with Tog, it sounds like way more than bad parenting.
What is BM's plan now that she is back to her old ways within a month of being home?
To be honest,
I am glad she isn't pregnant. I really didn't think she was. She says a lot of things to get attention.
I am not really sure if BM has a plan. SD is in 11th grade now. I think BM is praying that when SD turns 18 that she will be someone elses problem. She may be but she will NOT be mine. I have already told DH it isn't happening.
BM has had some many problems with each of her 4 kids. She said she can't wait to have an empty nest.
Well she will be in jail
Or prison right after her 18th been birthday
And THIS Is Why Certain Locales Can't Have It Both Ways
They want kids to vote at 16 yet not be held responsibile as an adult till into their twenties. Can't have it both ways. I get the strong feeling that OP's SD is basically an out of control brat who was never disciplined nor parented. A case of which came first? The bad/lack of parenting or the "disorders?" I tend to think it is the former and not the latter.
From my experience
There very little you can do for your SD. She should be on meds to control the fighting type of behavior. But these meds will stop her from having sexual fuction and they stop the meds because of that. It’s going to be a long hard road with a not to happy ending. I know what you are going through.
She is on a lot of medication
She takes meds for bipolar, ADHD, depression and anxiety. I think there may be a few more that I have forgotten. SD doesn't always take her meds and BM said that she can no longer get SD to take them at times. To be honest, sometimes I think the pills do more harm than good.
Boy, does your story cry out
Boy, does your story cry out for some eugenics interference.
A van full of men in white coats should have screeched up in front of the house of BM and BD back in the day, hustled them out, and sterilized both of them.
I kid, I kid, but...damn. Females like your SD are a such a danger to society. Not only for their antisocial, criminal conduct, but also because almost invariably they reproduce. They pass on their bad genes, subject their kids to harmful behavior and situations, and perpetuate the cycle. Your SD is going to be in and out of prison her whole life, and she's going to hurt a lot of innocent people along the way. Very sad.
She has already hurt a lot of people
False accusations, rumors, lies, stealing, physical violence...I could go on and on. I am sure if there is away to avoid jail time because you have a "mental disorder", I am sure BM will help SD get out of jail. Edited to add...I do believe that she will see a jail in her future.