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SD and her Cell phone

Daisymazy2's picture

I have tried to take a HUGE step backwards on dealing with SD, age 15.  She is in a group home now (long story).  She calls DH to constantly complain.  If things are going great that day...she doesn't call. She LOVES to pull on his heart strings. She tells him that she only had a hamburger and fruit cup for dinner.  She is overweight and it isn't killing her to eat just a hamburger and a fruit cup.  She is being fed but DH is about to have a spasm attack.  He doesn't think she is eating enough.    She didn't call him on his birthday which upset him.  She did give a great drama production the next day when she called.  I was sitting next to him and  was trying my best to get away when I found out it was her on the phone.  He told her that she didn't call on his birthday and was she ok.  She could have won an emmy award.  "Oh, you are my father, and I didn't call you on your birthday.  What type of daughter forgets her dad's birthday.  Oh, dad I am SOOOO SORRRY."   I was out of the room after that. She gave such a great performance that he was grinning from ear to ear.  She is trying her best to get out of this group home.  It isn't working so far.  DH can't make the decision and BM is sticking to her guns for now.  We will see how long that last.

Back to the cell phone.  SD stole BM's credit card and bought herself a cell phone.  SD refuses to give it back to BM.   When SD was going to the group home, DH went as well.  SD rode in the car with DH on the way there.   She gave him her cell phone to hold until she gets out.  DH knows that the phone was bought with stolen money and that  BM wants the phone.  DH doesn't want to hurt SD's feelings by giving the phone back to BM.  SD trusted DH to hold on to the phone for him and it would be violating her trust if he told BM that he has the cell phone.  Personally, I think DH should have made SD give the phone back to BM.   SD doesn't need a cell phone.  SD isn't responsible enough to handle it.  

SD called again and stated that she had counseling with BM.  DH asked her how the counseling went.  SD says Mom mentioned the cell phone again.  I try to leave the room and dh puts the phone on speaker.  I can still hear the conversation until I make my way down stairs.  SD tells the counselor that she had to buy the phone because BM NEVER let SD use her cell phone to call her dad.  That is such a lie.   I can't tell you how many times BM left her cell phone with SD while she was home by herself and she could have called DH but she didn't. She gives DH the sad sob story of how she had to steal the money to buy a cell phone so she could talk to him.   SD ask DH which phone did she call him the most her phone or her mom's phone.  DH says sd's phone.  That is such a lie. I was so angry my head was spinning.  SD has called him TWICE...she wanted something both times.  SD did a great job of getting him to say her phone. She had planned the conversation and she needed him to agree.  DH really thinks that SD doesn't call because BM will not let her.  SD has used BM's phone to take multiple naked pictures of herself, text multiple guys, used it for social media BUT she can't use it to call her dad.  BM's phone has been taken by the police twice because of SD's inappropriate use but she didn't call her dad during the year she was sending naked pictures to multiple child molesters.

SD was making sure that dear dad kept her cell phone safe from the evil BM.  BM told SD that she was going to ask DH for the phone.  SD had to make sure that DADDDDYYY was on her side.  SD new that she only had to convince dear ole dad was to tell him that she stole the phone to talk ot him.   It was manipulation at its best.

It is just so frustrating to me that he feels the only way he can get his daughter to love him is to help her conceal a stolen cell phone.  Of course, he doesn't see it as that. He sees it as BM being really MEAN to SD. After all, it is only BM's money she is stealing.  It isn't like she is stealing from anyone else.  I keep trying to tell him stealing is stealing.  If you have no problem stealing from your own Mother, you will steal from anyone.  

SD calls him more now that she is in the group home.  She needs to keep him on her side and doesn't  want him to tag team with BM.  Once SD is out of the group home, 30 more days, she will stop calling DH.  I can't wait.  I am so tired of all this drama.  







futurobrillante99's picture

My stbX is also desperate and craving of his sons' attention. He will keep going back to the buffet of BS his kids offer up to him to get him to enable them.

It's very unattractive, so I can guess at how disgusted you are with your DH. It's so sad.

ESMOD's picture

I'm sure every felon in prison started out by stealing from friends and

He absolutely should be giving cell phone to mom.  He knows his daughter stole money to buy a phone.. and her excuse is thin as paper.  IF she really couldn't call him when she wanted why not ask DADDY to buy her a phone?  Huh?  Well because she is a rotten kid who stole money instead.

Her actions put her in that position and I am surrre that the home is providing adequate food for the residents. 

I would be super pissed at my DH for conspiring against his EX who actually has the girl's best interests at heart.  Steal now from a family member??... won't be a pretty outcome when she steals from others... and gets involved in worse.

Daisymazy2's picture

She did ask DH to buy her a cell phone.  He didn't have the money to buy her a phone and pay the monthly bill.  I refuse to help.  Of course, stealing was the "only" way she could get a phone.

DH tries to justify it.  He says BM bought her BS a cell phone.  She did.  When he was a teenager he went to a private boarding school 3 hours away.  I am sure that is the only reason he got a cell phone.  When he was a teenager, the data plan wasn't available on phones either.  

I get so pissed off a DH because he thinks everytime BM tells SD NO that BM has a personal vendetta against both him and SD.  He can not get passed that.   He also doesn't want to be the bad guy even if it involves SD safety.   According to him, SD loves him the most.  Of course she does, he doesn't have any rules, he believes every word she says, he doesn't dish out any punishment and he buys her things.   He would be so crushed if SD just didn't love him.  I met DH was SD was 6 years old.  I really wished I knew then what I know now.  I saw red flags but I ignored them. 


hereiam's picture

So, your husband is basically condoning what your SD did AND is being a part of it. Nice. This would not sit well with me at all, if it were my husband.

Daisymazy2's picture

I have already told him exactly how I feel and it wasn't a very pleasant conversation.  He sees that SD just would not love him anymore if he gave BM the phone.  SD would be mad and he just couldn't deal with it.  SD just loves him so much.  I told him if she loved him so much, she would be mad but she would get over it.  He just can't take the chance.  

ndc's picture

Your husband is enabling her bad behavior and her dishonesty.  The right thing to do would be to hand the phone over.  Of course, desperate daddies rarely do the right thing.

witch.hazel's picture

There are two reasons this situation really creates the appearance that he cares more about SD's approval than about her safety or that she grows up as a decent person. 

1.- He's helping her keep stolen property. The phone was bought with stolen money, it needs to be returned. If she gets to keep it, she learns that stealing works out for her. 

2.- Sending naked pics to men (who are also convicted pedos!!!)....Does dad not care that she has demonstrated the inability to keep herself safe from predators? She needs to be removed from phone and internet unless it's closely supervised use for schoolwork, only to regain those priveledges when she is mature enough to protect herself.

Daisymazy2's picture

1.  I have told him that he needs to give the phone to BM.

2. The men she sends her naked pictures are 60 plus years old.  She sees their picture and still sends the pictures.  It is sick an twisted.  He says that he has talked to her and told her he was disappointed in her. It worked so well, that she did it again so she could hear the same talk .  We will not go into the so -called rape where she invited a teenager for sex a few months back.   To DH, it is never SD's fault.

He wanted SD to come live with us.  I have told him NO.  I couldn't co -parent with him.  Also, I do not trust her in more ways than one.

oneoffour's picture

I agree with BM. She has done nothing wrong and her daughter is trying to demonise her mother because she wants her own way. Your ex wife is a champion for standing up to her manipulative daughter. She is a REAL parent. You are an embarrasment to fatherhood.


If DH still has the cell phone, find it, call BM and meet to return it. I would do this in a flash. Then when DH throws a fit tell him you will wait for the police to arrest you once he lays charges. And you have BM on speed dial.


This nonsense has to stop.

Daisymazy2's picture

I am not sure where the phone is hidden.  I have looked everywhere.  He may have it in his car, if he does, it is 90 plus degrees outside the phone is now toast.

Fishoutofwater's picture

Flip phones or prepaid are a cheap. Or was that not good enough for the little terror?

Daisymazy2's picture

She could not possibly communicate with a flip phone. *scratch_one-s_head* She would need a phone with data connection.  *dash1*