Your choosing cLove over your own daughter
Daddy doesnt loooooovvvveeee meeeeeee.
I know this wasnt meant for me, it was meant to hurt DH, which it didnt, but I just have had enough of these shenanigans. Enough already!
Toxic Troll (Humpty Troll) was harassing DH about "her" refund money, and then poked and prodded with the following:
"Feral Forger is really hurt. She saw you out at _____________ with cLove, and you didnt even do anything for her bday. Clove sent something, but shes really hurt that you didnt even text her. Shes really hurt that you are choosing cLove over your own daughter again."
Background : I took my husband out on a date to an expensive restaurant, met up with a friend, and posted to instagram. Feral Forger follows me on instagram. I was hesitant at first and now I know that I must block. Eventually.
SO, after seeing that text and formulating my evil plot, I texted Feral Forger that I was really shocked and at a loss for words. I told her that I took her father out on a date that I paid for with money I work for. I related all that I have done to help her and "lift her up", all without expecting anything back and this is how she repays me. That her father has tried countless times to take her out for dinners or lunches on HIS dime, that she is always busy. That if she really wants a relationship with him and I, the road goes in BOTH directions. I told her that I was hurt by these comments. What a relief to get all this out!!!!!
Her response was to blame her mothers being medicated and confused. And that she does want a relationship. Knowing full well this was all BS, I went forward and accepted her excuses and invited her out for a small short evening out with us at the very same place. In this way, she knows that I am not putting up with the BS of "her father choosing me over her", that if she wants to keep in our good graces she needs to STFU. She will get some of her inhertance $$ from her gma, a thank you gift for taking care of her. She will get to "bond" with her father.
And if this comes up again -
Im prepared to speak up for myself this time. And I dont give a flying f@ck.
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Honestly, stop explaining
Honestly, stop explaining yourself to FF. Also, FF is 21... why are you guys still entertaining TT's texts about her. Ignore TT when it comes to FF. She's an adult!
Im taking away the last vestiges of ways she can tug at DH - she weaponizes her children against us, and Im freaking tired of it.
Feral Forger insists she wants a relationship with her father. Ok, heres your chance!
Then no excuses and no ways of weaponizing. Ive effectively nuetralized and DH and I can go on living a great life.
Feral Forger is 22 as of a few weeks ago. Really need to update that profile!
I can't perdict the future
I can't perdict the future but, if SO entertains ANY messages from BM about skids in their 20s. I'll lose it. I know you still have to communicate with TT because of munchkin but, once she is 18... DH needs to be done.
I expect this from my SO when SD is 18 in 4 years. I also expect it about SS17 when he turns 18 in a few months. He is pretty much the only reason they talk now and I'm sure there will be drama about him... SO will not feed into the bait though. He has said he is ready to move on and leave BM in the dust once the skids are of age.
Yes, there may be things here and there but, none of this you this and you that bullshit. *click* block.
DH agrees that he can block Toxic Troll in 3 years and 3 months. And he looks forward to this.
Feral Forger is mentally and emotionally about 15 right now. But that is not my concern at all.
Exactly why you shouldn't
Exactly why you shouldn't defend yourself to her or TT. It's frustrating though (in my experience as well) that emotional immmaturity of FF and my SS17 is used as an excuse on why they are the way they are... or the fact that your DH still needs to communicate with TT about FF because she is "emotional immature." When does that excuse die off?
It felt good to unleash a bit, but you are right. Why the he!! am I even entertaining any of this BS???? Along with all the trashing me on social media...
Of course it feels good. I've
Of course it feels good. I've fallen victim to the same unleashing but, doesn't do any good. I can't speak for the social media stuff. No clue what is posted by BM or SS17 but, as far as I know... nothing has been posted about me. If it were, Meh.. everyone that's knows the truth would know it's BS and I don't care what strangers think about it. I'm sure there are many stories circulating in BMs "friends" and honestly I could care less. Those people mean nothing to me haha.
I hate to tell you guys.....
My DH83 was still getting calls from now-deceased BM back in the days before cellphones when his kids were in their 20s and 30s and out of the house. She'd call him at work and most of the time, he would wisely not tell me. It was usually her wringing her hands over something they'd done or not done. She alternated between that and keeping secrets that showed them in a bad light, or showed her up.
He didnt block because no cells....egads
Yeah, Dh and I have the deal he will block Toxic Troll. When that day comes it will be so very nice.
For now, shes got the Child support money, the Kiddo and whatever drama is going on between them all.
Good for you cLove
You are right with FF.
And yes, you need to block TT from your social media. No reason at all to wait, do it now
TT is blocked
Feral Forger shared with her my post. Very telling dont you think? Im not sure that I should note that "DH and myself keep our lives separate from her mother and if she is going to share details of our lives then I will have to block her." The typical crap.
That way, neither DH nor his family can place blame on me. I did try but her mother blew things up. Its not my fault, you see. playing by their rules is so freeing. Victimology.
OK what I have issues with is
OK what I have issues with is us SM's having to defend our actions to children. Who cares who paid for the meal? That is none of SD's business. DH pulls some crap over here where he tells SD he is joinging me on a business trip and that I am paying for it instead of him when really we are going away just for fun and DH is paying for everything. And every night he talks to her he makes it sound like he is just sitting home alone doing nothing. He says he does this (about the trips) so BM doesnt thnk he has more money than he does and tries to take him to court. I use to believe this, but as SD is getting oder I really think its more to not make precious princess jealous.
And now you are taking her to that same restaurant? WHY???
Im planting seeds
I dont really want a relationship with Feral Forger. Shes just like her mother, and super enmeshed and not worth the time.
BUT, as long as she is DH's daughter, I figured Id call her out and let him see that I "tried". Then I can cut her off completely because of course she will betray me somehow. And we can move onto our next chapter. She now knows and its all out there on the table. In telling her I paid my own way, that will shut both Toxic Troll and Feral Forger up, when it comes time for the three year review of child support, I can speak up to her assertions that DH takes his wife out but doesnt pay enough in child support.
Its for show.
I get wanting to manage things
While Munchkin is still a minor but if you really don't want a relationship with FF than you shouldn't have one with her. It does seem like you waiver sometimes on if you do or don't.
Its fine to say you don't for the forseeable future and if by some miracle FF pulls herself together you can re-evaluate. Its also fine to say you only want a superficial relationship with FF but DH can have whatever type of relationship he wants.
But 'trying' just to show DH will likely cause more issues, I think, Its also somewhat manipulation of your DH to falsely get his hopes up if you're not sincere.
He is fully on board
He knows the "manipulation drill", and I know Im taking a chance here.
What I accomplish is that "I tried", and FF now has no more excuses, no leg to stand on. After talking with Munchkin, who tells me that FF is the root of all the anti-cLove sentiment, Im just going to let her show her true colors and then Im off the hook.
Well if DH is onboard
I guess its up to both of you. Seems like an odd strategy instead of DH just laying down the law with FF but different strokes for different folks...
While my SO if not the strongest when dealing with Bratty he has made it clear that not having a relationship with her is my own choice, not something he'll force, and it doesn't matter who is at fault.
FF is an excellent liar
very fake, and puts on a good show. So, knowing her ways of doing things, this seems the safest.
An added bonus is that I get to be the faciliator that brings them together. We dont have to "hear about it", from TT.
Eventually her true colors will win out and I will be justified in keeping my distance. Im forcing things out into the open because I am sick of all the BS. Lets just get this all out there.
It felt REALLY good to tell FF her accusations. And let her know that all the good from me will dry up if she doesnt shut her lying trap.
Munchkin pulling a knife on her didnt seem to work.
It would appear that you are
It would appear that you are a bit too invested in what TT and FF think of you. Had it been me I would have laughed my a$$ off and made sure to take DH out to said place for a second time and post even more photos...with captions along the lines of "So good we had to do it twice." "You know he can't get enough when he comes back for seconds" etc.
I love the way you think LOL
Its going to be useful later
Im p1ssed that DH has to deal with this repeated pattern, and I think on some level he knows its manipulation, but I want him to see that I tried and it just didnt work, vs me completely "you hate my daughter". What an opportunity also. To call her out on what she sais about me, under the guise of being "hurt and shocked".
And we did laugh. I will have to quote you on that next post, for tonight.
Opinions only matter if you
Opinions only matter if you let them.
STOP LETTING THEM!!!
It was good to get things out
I'm with the ignore TT crowd.
I'm with the ignore TT crowd. If FF has issues she can come right to her father. Don't feed into the dysfunction by giving TT's texts any response in any way - including by bringing it up with FF.
It was a mistake. Im feeling that now. At the time it felt REALLY good to unload 7 years of bull crap.
Ah the classic guilt trip of
Ah the classic guilt trip of all disordered BMs when the ex has a life.
I'm sure if she had stayed married to him they neveeer would have went out without them 20 something kid, right?
Did you forward the medicated and confused message to BM lol? I mean, you probably shouldn't but it would be funny.
It’s all about control
FF wants to control everything and everybody. No matter what you do FF will want something else. Just to cause drama and to starting controlling things. You are in a no win situation
At least they used your name.
At least they used your name. SS21 likes to say to DSO to really show his jealousy and hurt little fee fees, 'You picked the whore girlfriend over him.'
It started out as "the girlfriend", then "the live in", then regressed to "your stupid wife".
So this is definitely something to be grateful for.