Chicken Chit SD23 Feral Forger strikes sort of
Thats my Mothers word for cowards and cowardly bs. And I use it when faced with no better words.
Thank you to Ex Julie and AgedOut for talking me down off the ceiling. And giving the best advice, after Friday night and all that stress. I have taken the advice from them and all of you steptalkers, and will continue to take it. Because it works! She is blocked on my phone. I blocked her on instagram (id forgotten she wasnt blocked)
Last night Im at the store and quickly look at my phone and see a pop-up message from my instagram account. Its Feral Forger. All I can see is a few words "leave me the eff alone, stay out of my life, no one likes you anyway!" Im sure there was more, but when I tapped to read the whole message, its not there. And yes I am certain that was Feral Forger, no one else has that account name and when we were "friendly" we chatted via insta and liked each others stories.
Funny thing I learned about instagram. You can send a message and then unsend it - but only on your computer version. And even if you unsend it - the original message will pop up. Im sure she knew that, and was baiting me. I did not take the bait. I so wanted to call her out for being a chicken chit, who cant face me and tell me directly, and who cannot apologise for anything shes done, and cannot take responsibility for her actions. But all she will get is my silence. And stronger higher boundaries.
But of course my head goes round and round with "what prompted this 'outreach' of hers". And my head goes to Sweetheart Cousin who I spoke at length to Sunday. And her sister SD16 PS. But I realize it doesnt matter because I realize they arent my friends - thank you ExJulieMcoy and Agedout for that too. And thanks to all you steptalkers who inhabit this strange world with me, Stepworld.
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It's because....
It's because you and DH said no and it's easier to attack you than DH.
And a truck
And he has a truck that he can use to move her to her next junk heap. Yes, we are always the easy targets. I know shes not trying to convince me to allow her back in, she is in punisher mode now, and is trying to get inside my head.
So I will stress about her going to family gathering Christmas Eve.
After everything she has done...
I would just tell DH if you see her at Christmas you will punch her in the face. So, no FF at Christmas:)
After everything she has done...
I would just tell DH if you see her at Christmas you will punch her in the face. So, no FF at Christmas:)
Relish her disappointment
Relish her disappointment that she didn't get the expected response.
Thank you
I needed to read that.
Yes!!!
She will be stewing over the fact that she can't yank chains anymore. That is sweet revenge lol.
Yes!!!
She will be stewing over the fact that she can't yank chains anymore. That is sweet revenge lol.
remember, she needs you to
remember, she needs you to engage, to be enraged because without you she's having a one person slap fight and can't play victim. by not reacting, you win. she needs an enemy. she needs someone to use as her big bad guy making poor little her so scared. stop being her bozo doll, stop bouncing back.
Your right
Spot on. Its funny. I USED to think that telling her how I feel and what I think would help me deal with things better, would make me feel better. I did what I thought I wanted and guess what. It did not make me feel any better. I feel MORE stressed. Not less stressed.
I dont think that I gave her any more ammunition, but now Im wondering if inadvertantly I did in fact give more ammunition that she can use against me. Her manufactured victimhood. Im just waiting for something to happen, and it doesnt...Husband has been sweet all weekend and all this week so far. SD16 PS has also been kind and sweet.
I will add "dont be a bozo doll" to my mantra list!
This is great advice! Of
This is great advice! Of course you can still be vilified when you don't engage at all but it's a whole lot harder for them to play victim.
If you deflate the bozo doll and refuse to bounce back they will start accusing you of manipulating your husband and anyone else that isn't on their side. But without any concrete evidence or actions anything they say is just going to be speculation.
unfortunately
There are some members of the clan that have drunk the Feral Forger coolaide. Without knowing me. I can tell, and it adds to stress.
Christmas is coming. Must gather the internal troops.
"Oh you are wonderful. So
"Oh you are wonderful. So much a better person then I. I'll be sure to let FF23 know she can stay with you!"
Yes good point
Good point. As Ipso said "relish her dissappointment". One person slapfight. LOL. Yeah, Im relishing that right now.
And then there is Christmas with family...Im considering not going because she might be there, and because "no one likes me anyway".
I hate that she can still get in my head though.
life is what we make it. go,
life is what we make it. go, have the best fun you can, stop hiding because of her. be proud of who you are dammit. get out of your own damn head.
(said with love of course)
lol
ok. will do!
I wont hide because that is EXACTLY what she wants. She wants me to not interact with her family. well Im just going to work harder at the things that make my life so great right now.
you can't be her bully nd bad
you can't be her bully nd bad guy when you show that you aren't one. stop letting her decide who everyone else gets to see.
Family Support
Husbands family is divided into different "camps". Some of the younger ones are in her camp. And I can tell they have heard her lies, and I dont know how to battle that. Some of the older ones are really nice to me. All I can do is tell the truth of things and let them all see who I am.
CLove, I am sorry that your SParent adventure is so painful.
I understand the withdrawals that come with putting the toxic behind you. It took me quite a while to purge the constant tension we lived with for the 16+ years we lived under the CO. Not due to the Skid's actions or issues, though there were certainly some difficult ones to deal with, but due to being constant wound up for battle with the SpermClan.
Give yourself time. It will fade.
Take care of you.
Thanks Rags
Tension has faded a bunch since I blocked on insta.
No more fear of "something" popping up.
Ill just be happy that Im safe from her machinations.
You are not the happy fairy
You are not the happy fairy. It's not your job to be beloved by everyone, set everyone straight, defend the truth and get everyone on your side. It's not your job to be the most popular person in the room. If you live with integrity, and surround yourself with people who know who you really are, then don't worry about the younger folks who drink her koolaid. She tells lies to people who obviously don't know you well enough to know better. So why would you care about their judgement anyway! I know it's hard to know that people are listening to lies, but the person they think they know is not you. Millions of people don't know you. Those family members don't either. Lump them into the same category of people you don't give a darn about.
Then hold your head high, walk proudly beside your husband and the people who DO know you, and don't give FF the time of day other than a cool polite nod across the room.
(And I absolutely love the analogy of a one person slap fight! She set you up to engage, and you haven't! As I always tell my husband, never fight with an idiot. They'll pull you down to their level and beat you with experience. Stay your classy self, and enjoy the love of the people who matter. FF and her minions don't matter).
Not the happy fairy
Those are ALL great points. Ive read and re-read to internalise. The ones who believe her and choose to be rude, they dont know me and have not taken any time or effort to get to know me.
Its also a very cliquey family, with little subgroups. The older and younger. The young and pretty.
Judgement is a fickle friend that can easily turn on you. I will def hold my head up high, and persevere proudly.
Hahaha leave me alone. She's
Hahaha leave me alone. I love it. She's the one calling and asking to live with you hahah not the other way around.
oh I am sure that there are people who believe you should take her in. My DH have distant very obnoxious family members who were telling everyone that we are such bad grandparents because we must take SGD to live with us.
We can't be kidnapping grandkids! There's zero reason for us to have SGD.' My OSD is an f-up but she's not abusive or neglectful. And these family members were very angry about it too. I guess it's because my OSD is a stripper. Yes it's unfortunate and DH is embarrassed but it's not illegal or warrants people to lose parental rights. And how is it even doable? When she comes over we should hide her and not give her back to OSD? I hate family members like this. Busy bodies
stay disengaged. Complete silence. Ignore
So far - silence
So far so good. Since Tuesday nights "pop up" Ive blocked and have not wavered. Silence. Blissful drama-free silence.