So sorry to hear this, do you suspect drugs or cheating?  Either way it's sounds like it's time for you to get out of this situation.

Since you quit posting on a regular basis I was so hoping it was because things were going so well. I'm sorry to hear that the opposite seems to be true. Clove, you are a loving and giving person who deserves so much more than you have with your DH. You shouldn't have to live your life "walking on eggshells." Please be careful moving forward as it sounds like your DH may not be totally safe to be around right now. Please know we are all here for you.

I know things haven't been great with you both from what you have posted and that he isn't the greatest spouse. However, is there a possibility he did do the work and that it is this friend's prespective she was being harassed? I definitely do not want to defend your DH because of all the things you have shared about him over the years, especially the last year. Definitely not defending his actions about not getting a job and going out, etc. either, but I just can't imagine being told this information and not having a conversation with DH about it. At the same time he is a major gaslighter so that does make it tough. My DH and I are overcommunicators with each other so it is hard for me on this to know what I would do to give good advice

I hope you will hear his side.  Not to play devil's advocate but I can see somebody going overboard if money was tight.  The late hours, that's another issue.

Damn. I'm so sorry. As for the truthfulness of the allegations, i agree that you should talk to him. But also, you know him. You've lived with him for years. You know if what is alleged is consistent with his character and recent behavior. Also, if he's out till 3 am, what kind of husband has he been? It sounds like this is a last straw type of incident, not the main cause of you leaving. 

I'm sorry it has come to this, Clove. Even if this chick is full of shit, your husband staying out 'til all hours, and the way he treats you, is unacceptable.

My husband's ex loves to sue people and claim harrassment, just to see what she can get, so I don't exactly trust someone's word that it's true (even if papers are served). DH's ex would lie, lie, lie, then get someone else to lie for her and she would win in court.

Regardless, it's high time you get out of this relationship.

Does he have a lot of money in savings or how is he paying his share of the bills?

You have put up with enough of this man and his clan.

So sorry to hear this. I was wondering where and how you were. 

This guy and his insane baggage load have been nothing but a burden on you for far too long.

I get the giving of the benefit of the doubt, hearing his side, yadda yadda yadda. However, does what the lady who notified you of all of this is saying pass the smell test?  That, is the question IMHO.  Based on his long and distinguished history of failed character, etc...... I have to say that the smell test on this is not looking to be in his favor.  Hope-ium is exceptionally addictive but when a write off shows themselves to be a write off, stop smoking the Hope-ium pipe.

I find that the end of an intolerable relationship, rather than being a waste of the past, is a new beginning.

No one of deviant character can hide what and who they are forever.  He has long shown you who and what he is, it is time to believe him.  Be ready for the gas lighting, the pouting, the woe is me, the "you are abandoning me in my hour of need",  and the rest of the plethora of guilt, manipulation, etc that he will sling at you to see what he can get to stick.

In the off and remote chance that the RO, harassment, etc suit is without merit, search deep inside yourself to find if that erases the long history of his crap.  Only you can decide.  Though I truly hope that you decide for what is truly best for you rather than letting you get in your own way on what IMHO has long been a known end outcome for far too long.

Take care of you.  Take the new beginning of your do-over and enjoy you.  Use anything and everything that comes out of all of this to  your fullest advantage and get on with living your best life.

As for him, no care, no quarter.  Play this out to win.

IMHO of course.

CLove!! I'm so sorry. I also thought things were better when you disappeared.  Please put YOU first. Regardless of what comes out, you deserve so much more. This guy is a lost cause. I hate that he's mean to you. What an azz. 

Please take care of yourself 

Clove.. I'm so sorry to hear this... While this person's accusations might have some small potential to be drummed up.. it's also possible that she has learned that with certain people that the only way to truly get their attention and to stop their nonsense is to involve the law.  I had an abusive EX BF that kept coming around and trying to steal from me and the last tiime he came.. he tried to choke me and I called the police.. they came and read him the riot act.. even let him drive away with a suspended license to get him off my property (not quite enough evidence of abuse at the time since I called them before it got bad).  Guess who left me alone after that?  The risk to him all of a sudden was too high.. I was no longer his easy target.

I was probably one of the ones that was a "anti-DH"  and felt the way he had always treated you was unacceptable.  I am thinking that based on his most recent behavior and history that you probably have few doubts that he is at the very least capable of the kind of behavior he is being accused of.. I'm guessing he has been at minimum very emotionally and verbally abusive to you.  

He certainly has also come off as someone that is a bit of a faker in his work ethic.. big on talking himself up.. but not great on follow through or being a good employee.. hence the work history.  He also definitely came off as lazy in some of your posts.. probably not a stretch that he didn't do work he said he did.. tried to get over on someone over that.. it's possible prior employers also saw he wasn't doing work he claimed... and for that reason he was let go.  so.. again... her accusations are not totally unbelievable.. 

And.. I'm mad for you again.. because now you have THIS to deal with.. on top of all the other bizzaro behavior from him.

UGHHH.. anyway.. get yourself the best legal counsel you can... and you can and do deserve better!

well this sucks monkey junk. I had assumed life was rolling along nicely for you. I got nothing to say other than you are my concern. you are the person I want to see passed all this w/ a smle on her face. take care of YOU, mentally, physically. I have a feeling your road is not only going to get bumpier but also have some deep pot holes. No matter what your future may hold, take care of you first. 

I'm so sorry, CLove. I've always thought you had one of the kindest souls of anyone on ST. And I'm sure I've been one of the voices saying that you've put up with too much for too long. You deserve so much better. I hope you'll keep us posted as things play out - your husband does sound more than a little unstable at the moment and that worries me for your safety.