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Uncle accused of abuse - help. Advice.

CLove's picture

I thought it would be another day like any other. 

Munchkin was sick when her mother dropped her off (looked very bloated, stomach pains, and diarreah), so we kept her home and I stayed with her. I figured she had a lot to say, and I wasnt wrong. I just did not expect to hear what I did! I really need some advice.

Munchkin had a talk with her sister, about why she doesnt visit gma anymore and why she hates uncle so much. Uncle provies in-home care for gma, and lives at her house and get paid to do so. During the weekends, previously, Feral Eldest would spend weekends there taking care of gma, while uncle went off to get away. Feral Eldest told Munchkin that uncle is a pervert and a really bad person, who would oogle her breasts and take her shopping for bikinis, insisting she try on the too small ones, and that she has a sexy body for a teenager. She has always had a very well-developed body that was top-heavy and was skinny everywhere else, but she always wore baggy stuff. Feral Eldest related one incident where uncle tried to lock her in his room, on pretense of showing her glow-in-the-dark ceiling stick ons. He never touched her, or she didnt say he did, but looked and made comments on her body. 

- this is the same person who has a reputation as a pathological liar, has accused me of being abusive, her father of hitting her and hurting her, was caught stealing, and lied about it. Her father has never abused her, and I have never abused her. The last thing I texted her was that we loved her. 

What the heck should I do? Yeah of course I promised Munchkin I wouldnt say anything, and Feral Eldest is now 19 1/2 - according to her this happened when she was 15-16. I just told Munchkin that I guess I believe her, but dont know what to think. I told Munchkin that it makes me sad, and that if anything ever happens, please call us immediately, no questions will be asked.

Should I tell DH? This is his brother and they are close. He has a large family, and he is known to enjoy gambling, but Feral Eldest accused him of siphoning off money to gamble with.

I of course want to honor my word to Munchkin. Feral Eldest is an adult now. It would do no good spouting off, unless Munchkin was in any danger. Im thinking that I should tell DH, with understanding that this was in confidence. This is his daughter, but I just dont know if I really and truly believe her.

As a father, it would be his duty to approach his brother. Or would it? Help, Im in way over my head on this.


TrueNorth77's picture

So, does SD Munchkin have contact with the uncle? Would she ever be alone with him?

I think you tell DH on this one. With the caveat that this was told to you in confidence. It's up to DH to figure out how to handle it, but at least you will have done your part, told him the information you were given, in the event that it is true and much worse things could come of it (something happening to SD because you chose to say nothing). Can you imagine if something happened to SD, and DH found out you had heard this, but never told him?

Trust me, my sister and I were molested by my step-brother when I was young. It's nothing to play around with, and as much as you want to believe that DH's brother wouldn't do something like never know. Leave it up to DH to figure out how he wants to handle it. At the very least I bet he would make sure SD is never alone with him.

CLove's picture

I would have to kill the motherfucker. 

I am so sorry. I wish I had been there to tear your stepbrothers eyeballs out and stomp on them.

I agree. at some point I will need to spill these beans.

tog redux's picture

Yes, tell him.  When it comes to safety, you can't honor secrecy with children.  You and DH sit down with her and let her know that you told him because you need to make sure that she is safe, as well as any other children Uncle is around.  She will understand.  Kids tell these "secrets" because they are worried about them and want adults to make them feel safe. 

CLove's picture

I think she stayed home because the secret was overwhelming. But even Munchkin doesnt know what to believe...her sister lies so much. But I think that, to protect her, I am going to err on the side of caution. And definitely involve someone else, and more than likely talk to DH. I just need to figure out what to do beyond telling. 

advice.only2's picture

I would tell DH and then he can have a discussion with his brother, to be honest I have a feeling uncle put feral eldest in her place at some point, so she's just spewing her venom on him.

DH's Spawn accused her stepfather of molestation and when CPS started to investigate her alleged molestation story fell apart and the truth came out that she was just doing what meth mouth told her so that he would be put in jail.

CLove's picture

this is his daughter, and his brother. Luckily Munchkin is the only girl of her age - everyone else is older, and not around as much. 

Lndsy747's picture

I would definitely tell DH. Even if his children are now safe who knows if Uncle has access to other kids/teens. I get that it's hard because you don't want to betray SD and aren't sure if it's true but these kinds of things should not remain a secret.

still learning's picture

Uncle could be a perv or he may have just been the one who who got saddled with taking SD to buy a swimsuit.  I'm sure it was awkward for both of them to have to go on that shopping trip, teenage girl and her uncle...awkward.  Maybe SD went into his room to see the glow stars and he shut the door behind him out of habit and she freaked out and thought he locked her in. 

I have worked with tweens and have kids of my own and know that any situation can be exaggerated and blown out of proportion. That being said, that kid needs to be believed and every precation taken to keep them safe.  I would tell DH what was said and make sure that SD is never in a situation where she is alone with him. I would stress to DH that this is for BOTH of their protection!  

CLove's picture

About 1 1/2 years ago, Feral Eldest went no contact with any of her family, and also got angry with her uncle about something to do with seeing her holding hands with a boy. At least thats the story everyone got from uncle.

Now, she is living with her mother and mother is not invited to family gatherings on our side, I guess that she was trying to warn Munchkin SD12 to stay away from him, but I just wonder if its because uncle said she couldnt move in with he and gma. Retaliation game. I know we need to believe someone who is a victim, but she has always twisted the truth into lies, and is pathological liar about EVERYTHING.