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Court Date tomorrow, feeling very low

CLove's picture

So, I am feeling it today, that slow dread of COUNTDOWN TO COURTDATE. Its been a few weeks, my short term temp assignment has ended (luckily), and in between job searches, I am brooding. And re-reading the awful paperwork that DH was served with. I now notice that she has taken a two-pronged approach: filing for child support and modification of spousal support. 

Last week, when she recieved paperwork that HE filed, going for 60/40 instead of 50/50, she went ballistic. Texted him that she is going for EVERYTHING. Called him a crackhead and a drug dealer. Said "ur wife is abusive". When he mentioned that he still remembers the night she attacked Feral Eldest, she didnt miss a beat, and texted that he used to hit her. That was in reference to when when he shoved her away because she was beating on him, scratcing him in front of their girls, but ah! the details!

Then, just when we think she cant get any lower - she does. She starts texting Munchkin SD12, who is with us for the 5 days, tellling her child that her father is trying to take her away from her mother! Oh me oh my! Forget about the fact that we ALREADY do more than 50% days, when there are violent arguments at mothers house. Nothing will really change, he just wants to have the fact that he provides travel to and from school every dang day. So Munchkin tells us this, and we assure her that nothing absolutely nothing will change. She shrugs it off, and stops responding to her mothers texts.

Then I mention that her mother is accusing ME of being abusive. I ask Munchkin (sadly this isnt the first time I have had this crap hurled at me) if I have ever been abusive. She quickly sais "no! I dont know why she would say that and that is going to make you think that I tell her things.." I give Munchkin a quick hug, tell her I love her, and I wouldnt believe that she is trashing me to anyone (especially since I just bought her a nice new high dollar watercolor set) I tell Munchkin that this battle has absolutely NOTHING to do with us, that I know she loves both her parents and she should really really try to just stay out of it. As I looked on anxiously, I watched as father and daughter sat next to each other on her bed (neatly made, that detail sticks out), looking at their phones with the same sad, and road-weary expressions on their faces.

And so the battle will happen. The fight will get even uglier than it already has been, the stakes are higher. As I read the paperwork, I am typing up responses so he can remain composed and less nervous. He is a large, gentle man with a deep voice and deep emotions that shimmer below the surface of his megawatt smile. He is simple, for that, and hardworking. I am self-sufficient and help where I can, and this high conflict very toxic, almost demonic woman is conspiring to not only grab as much money as she can from our household, but also cause my relationship with Munchkin to falter and break - accusing me on my wedding day of being abusive, and continuing these accusations, to cause me to doubt Munchkin, and also to cause me not to want to help her  - "this is MY child, she belongs to ME! How DARE you buy her pads and clothes, and art supplies! How DARE you take her to the park and on day trips all over!!!! Shes MINE, B!TCH I gave BIRTH to her" - you steps all know the drill.

As to the accusations of abuse - this is the woman for you newbies), the very same woman who beat her Feral Eldest child, because she was trying to record her mother drunk,she choked her child, threw her against the wall, and body slammed her after calling her a f@cking b!tch" and to this very day, my biggest regret is that we did not call the police and file a report. I am definitely not an abuser, and still want to find a way to block her accusations. And this makes me want to run, run far and fast. I just want it to be over, and we can laugh while we cook dinner, and sip beverages in the backyard while the city relaxes into the night. Sadly, this shadow will be with us until Munchkin turns 18, in about 5 years and 9 months.

I think I might have to cry.

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

BM is going for cash prizes and will use any guerilla warfare tactic necessary.   Its too bad more judges can't see through this act.  Sorry to hear you're going through this.

CLove's picture

wait, there is no plus side.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for the empathy.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I was thinking of you this past weekend, knowing court was coming up and hoping you and your DH were girding your loins.

While it feels personal and horrible, this is what this sort of desperate low life female does in court - and it happens countless times every day in this country. I remember how I felt during my DH’s custody battle, how appalled I was to read the things Psycho accused him of, and all the negative emotion of that time...

Family court sucks, no two ways about it, but maybe you can take comfort knowing that your BM is flinging a lot of poo that makes her look worse that her target. She can’t prove any of it, whereas your DH should have lots of documentation of how much time Muchkin is in his custody. He should also get screenshots of the alienation texts BM sends to Muchkin, and share those with his attorney before court.

Family court is a marathon not a sprint, so try to stay centered, positive, and unemotional. ((((Hugs))))

CLove's picture

My loving and sweet husband has decided not to hire an attorney so he is at their mercy, completely and utterly. I am typing and documenting, and it all just makes me sick. He also, innocently, thinks that they will hand over a judgement and then its all just over and we can move on. Child support for 5 years 8 months! Alimony for 1 year and 7 months! It looks ike an uphill road, and we are already road weary from all the previous 4 years of drama and "poo slinging".

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

DD4's dad feared her. He let that fear ruin us. He let that fear of her and her taking him back to court and winning take precedence over the health and well being of his daughters. She threatened him relentlessly. "I am going to take you back to court and I am going to get EVERYTHING!"  And one day she did. She filed for more even more child support. She did this after SD18 turned 18. She did this when she was getting $1000 a month for one child. He consulted an attorney. He paid the $300 an hour for some advice and strategy but he didn't pay the retainer . And she lost. Oh she lost big time. North Korea went from $1000 a month plus half of a lot of everything extra to $200 every two weeks and only half of medical that she provides receipts for. And he got credit for over paying her from when she filed. 

My point is there is hope. Sometimes there is justice. He won and he did not hire an attorney. THe reign of terror does end. At least your husband was brace enough to stand up against her. I will be praying for you. Hugs. There are definitely casualties of the war. No doubt. You know it. I know it. But this maybe a battle you can win. I hope so 

CLove's picture

is a four letter word. 

LoL/ Thank you NoWire. It is a heavy battle, and her ex boyfriend dropped by, and showed me the restaining order she got against him. He keeps mentioning he will "testify against her' somehow. We might have to get him to testify about the abuse that he witnessed. But somehow he doesnt have a phone or phone number right now. This demons ex boyfriend is basically homeless.

CLove's picture

and prayers are much appreciated. Thanks for the support. Ill be havinga  few glasses of wine tonight for sure.

justmakingthebest's picture

I just want to let you know I am praying for your family. You guys are doing all you can and are amazing parents. 

bananaseedo's picture

Best of luck today.  Prayers and thoughts with you and your husband and for the kiddos.  Please keep us posted!  

 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Goodluck Clove!!! You got this! Keep us informed! It's all rather intimidating. If you can do printouts of the crazy texts she's sent as well, that could be used in court.

hereiam's picture

My thoughts are with you, Clove. I don't miss those days AT ALL. Although, the stress did make me lose weight, so that was a bonus!

Sometimes, these things turn out okay. When I look back at everything BM put us through, in the end, she really didn't win, not financially. She never got the higher child support she wanted and the last time she went for a modification, it did not go up enough for it to go through. She was so pissed! She did her best to get that extra 40.00 a month!

I absolutely detest women who falsely claim abuse. BM did that to DH (and other men, it's her M.O.) and it's deplorable.

Anyway, I truly hope everything goes in your DH's favor.

LuluOnce's picture

Everything you are saying resonates with me. Your situation is so difficult and these BMs are short-sighted and only hurt their kids, which hurts everyone (including us steps!) in the long rung. I am so sorry you're going through this. I pray the judge sees through BM's bull. I hope you have good news to report when we get your update.