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'Tis the Season to Make Things Complicated for No Reason

boogeymom's picture

This holiday season is going to be especially ridiculous because we've finally come to the time when the skids would rather spend time with their friends who are coming into town (normal, because they're older now) than they would with their family. However, this year has also been particularly trying with the in-laws because F-I-L retired and pretty much obsesses over the skids constantly doing stuff with them because he has nothing else to do with his time, and they both get all butt-hurt when they want them for a weekend here or there, and either DH or BM says no, they have other plans. This has always been a recurring problem, but now that F-I-L has nothing better to do, it's just gotten out of hand (this is the one thing DH, BM, and I all can agree on). Plus it's finally hit DH that his kids are much closer to being adults than he realized, so now he's trying to get as much time in as possible (I hate this), so it just leads to a giant hassle when dealing with these two brats generally, but the holidays have brought it out even more.

How things have gone up until now is, BM has them X-Mas Eve, DH gets them X-Mas Day, and then, they would go with the in-laws for the week between X-Mas and New Year's and I would get a nice night with my family without them when we left them at the in-laws' house. Oh, no. Not THIS year. This year, they'd rather spend time with their buds who come in from out of town only during winter and summer breaks (again, fine), but now it's causing everything to be all stupid and complicated. Instead of just having them next weekend, like we're supposed to, now DH wants to take the day after X-Mas off to spend time because the skids' friends come in that weekend. This makes no sense to me. They can spend the weekend with us, and DH can tell them they'll get every other day of the break but X-Mas Day with their friends. It would be just like any other week of the year. Meanwhile, the in-laws' heads are about to explode because the skids would rather spend the week with their friends instead of their grandparents, so we have THAT to deal with as well. Also, my whole family is in town this year, and it might not happen again for a while since S-I-L is pregnant with my first nephew (yay!), so they might not be able to come in two years as they have been if they don't want to hassle with a toddler on a plane. The day after X-Mas is the last full day my bro, sis, and their spouses will be in town, and I do NOT want to spend it with the skids around. My family doesn't have any problems with them tagging along with whatever we're doing, per se, they actually like them for some bizarre reason, but my family also doesn't make plans around them, so it'll probably be boring to them, and they'll start showing out, and it will end up being a day of having to deal with them instead of having fun with my family. Whatever happens, I just wish DH and BM would hurry up and figure shit out, and I just hope it's a plan that makes some actual sense. And a plan that involves them not spending Dec. 26 with us. So glad I don't have any kids of my own in the mix to make things more complicated. If I had my way, I'd just do Jewish Christmas like every other year before I moved in with DH and eat Chinese food and go to the movies, and avoid this whole mess altogether. :/

Comments

WhittySM's picture

I'm really beginning to hate the Holidays!

Half of our family works some sort of shift work and scheduling a time when everybody can be there is difficult. Add in a BM that makes life difficult when scheduling Christmas and every other year there is drama about SD not being there and DH gets all depressed/moody (read: ruins my Christmas) until SD shows up, at which point he flips the switch and is his normal happy self.

This year DH's brother wants to host Christmas Eve, which is when DH's extended family does Christmas. Everybody can make it except for. . . you guessed it, SD. BM wants her Christmas Eve. You would think after 11 years somebody would be smart enough to suggest changing the family traditions so that BOTH families aren't doing Christmas Eve, so that SD can be a part of BOTH Christmas traditions. Nope. Soooooo. . . With several of us working Christmas Day (myself included), Christmas Eve is the only time. SD, "No fair! We should do it another day since I can't be there!" DH now doesn't want to go to BIL's house because SD can't be there. Soooo. . . let's ruin Christmas for 13 other people because SD can't be there. I actually think this is a good lesson for her, that she is not the end all be all and that there are other people in this family besides her.

I guess my opinion DH/SD have 2 options:
A. Do what I have suggested for several years and change the family tradition and maybe do Christmas Day evening or New Years Eve or something else.
B. Realize that this is part of divorce. That for the rest of her life, when she participates in a holiday with one family, she will be missing out on the holiday with the other family. And GET OVER IT!!! This also happens when we get married. Some people are lucky and have both sets of In-Laws living fairly close and can actually participate with both families. Others are not so lucky. I choose to have Christmas with my husband rather than my parents because I would have to fly to my parents, and BM would NEVER let us take SD for the entirety of Christmas Eve/Christmas Day. So, I NEVER have Christmas with my family! EVER! I have told DH that unless my parents come to visit us, I will NEVER again have Christmas with my family. My dad/stepmom might visit, but my mom/stepdad won't ever, which is understandable, they have 4 kids and 9 other grandkids right there where they live. Even once SD is an adult and we might not worry so much about including her, DH might still be so caught up in the traditions with his family, that he forgets about me and my family traditions. Sort of sucks for me, BUT I DON'T LET IT RUIN CHRISTMAS!!!