New at This....
Hello everyone,
I got introduced to this pg by a co-worker who's a SM like me...
It was really interesting seeing all the blogs in this pg because i can relate to many of the feelings other stepparents go trough. but I have a concern on my own... I hope someone can help me out.
I married my husband knowing that he had two kids and knowing that they were always going to be there before me. I accepted that because I love my husband very much and did my best to feel the same for his kids. After my huband and I decided to move in together, his ex (BM) "came out" and moved in with anther girl. For three years... my husband had a lot of trouble seeing his kids cause she wouldn't allow it. Of course,a Court Order would not stop her, but oh well. Like I said, I tried my best to care for the kids the few times we had them, but it was not easy. BM kept the girl and BM mother (grandma)kept the little boy. so.. for the most part of their early years they were not brought up the same. To make the long story short, they kids are just worse than brats! I can't put up with them and neither my husband! Since they are never together when they are (our weekend) they are terrible! Honestly, at their age, they almost literally burned down my in-laws' house. Not kidding! they tried putting the house on fire! just so you get an idea.
Now my confusion: I know is not the skid's fault to be the way they are, they were brought up differently, they have HDAD, they're kids, ect.... I understand all that, and I try to have them but their way of being is just unspeakable... Every single time we have them, my DH and I have fights! We live ina two bedroom apartment and we can't let them out cause they'll start running away like crazy knocking and ringing doorbells of all the rest of the apartments. We can't control them... OK so now I have a 2 yr old of my own and love to see him play with his bro and sis until i saw my stepdaughter "playing with him" trying to suffocate him with a pillow!
Well because of all those reasons, and after constantly calling their BM to pick them up cause we couldn't handle them, she gave up on insisting they visit with us and it's been since x-mas since we havent seen them, and i miss them! Yes, I wonder what they're up to but dare not to tell my husband cause just to think of having them over... drives ME crazy!
So, what do I do?????????? Is it wrong to forget about them and move on without knowing about them? Someone please advise.
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Comments
If she was smothering him
If she was smothering him with a pillow, you have every right not to have them over. That is endangerment to your child. At the same time, I can understand why you would miss them b/c they are an extension of your DH. I am dealing with a similar situation (not as extreme). Just this past weekend I caught my SD11 smashing my BDnotyet2's fingers in a drawer on purpose. My DH said that SD11 had to stay with his mother this week during the time that he is supposed to have her b/c he is not sure how to handle the problem yet. I'm not sure that I really have an answer for you, but I can empathize and I'm here to talk if you need to.
Well I think if a child is
Well I think if a child is at harm then I say you have every right to not have them over. I am not a parent though but I would think you would miss them and think about them. My step parent not blood son but been in there life since before it was born. Well, the son try to kiss me. I told my mom and thats when she put a stop to having him spend the night. My step parent ex's band him over. So I haven't seen my step bother since. Now its been almost 12 years later. I say it was right for my mom to put a stop to it. I am glad that I wasn't alone with my S. Brother after that. So its kinda the same thing but in a different way. I see why you would do that for your own child. I think any mother would if it was at harms way.
My step brother wasn't in my life that long so I don't really think about him. It was a chapter and it is over. Do I think my mom did the right thing, I would say yes... Do I think you did the right thing, I do... I might be 22 and no kids. But I was the one in harms way. I think kids have rights but a lot of people think they don't. Its just kids being kids. I think the S.kids of yours have issues big time. usually kids get in trouble by age 13 and now since 6th grades ride bus's with high schools its only getting worst as kids get younger. I noticed that. I think 1-8th grades should ride the bus together. Less trouble middle schoolers get into. Some do anyways but I know these things because my 12th grade year I been around 1-5th graders and also middle school age. I saw how the kids acted. Kids are becoming more smart and out smart there parents. Its really not good. I think kids are growing up to fast.
Anyways I hope that helped you out. I hope you and your husband can work this out. It has to be hard on both of you since you see your husband hurt and you want the best for him and the kids. Don't think for a second you did something wrong you saved your own kids life. I say that is a good enough reason.
Thank you CM313... I know
Thank you CM313... I know that my skids act that way maybe because they are jelous of my son but I just wish that their BM would care more for them and have them treated. I feel so bad for my husband because although he doesn't mention it, he is sad and misses them aswell. in fact, i think that he has made up his mind to "forget" about them so he wouln't suffer. I just feel bad/sad that I or my son is now playing a part in his decision.(Like i don't want to feel like it was my fault that my skids don't c their father, I scared down the years they grow up and blame me for taking their father) my skids need help and it kills me not being able to do so. its a long, hard and expensive fight to go trough.
Thank you too 13WEB: As a
Thank you too 13WEB:
As a mother i feel i did the right thing...but at the same time, as a mother i wouldn't want my husband to forget about his own, liek giving up his rights (like he has mentioned a couple of times). I am just in the middle of an emotional roller-coaster. I guess i jsut dont want to be or feel guilty for whatever happens...