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I think I had THAT moment...

boogeymom's picture

...you know, the one where you finally realize that you will NEVER come out the winner in the whole step-child situation. I pretty much figured out this morning while my H was on my case because I'm not nice to his kids since I don't like rude, disrespectful children, that no matter what, it's pretty much just going to be me vs. him and his family, and I'm outnumbered. I was doing the whole "disengagement" thing for a while, but the skids have officially become very intolerable, and I refuse to have disrespectful children in my house. I'm to the point that I think my strategy from now on is just going to be to act as though they don't even exist. I don't care enough about them to fight about them anymore when it's clear they will manipulate H and my in-laws to no end, so how they turn out is officially not my problem anymore. Homeless? Don't care. Cured cancer and AIDS in the same day? Don't care. I will also no longer agree to be around my in-laws while his children are around if it can possibly be helped because I'm tired of them undermining H and him not doing a thing about it, so pretty much never unless it's at some event where the ENTIRE family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) are expected to be present. I'm pretty sure I don't really care enough about H's feelings about the matter, either, so maybe one day he'll divorce me since I've heard that most times skids becoming adults actually makes them worse to deal with, and he'll clearly ultimately always think I'm a step-monster...even though I'm not the one who yells and I'm not the one who is constantly belittling them. I just don't play and I have expectations of them, so I guess that makes me mean. Fine with me.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

WOW! Me too..... and I LOVE my DH, it would break my heart, but it would almost be a relief that I would have an "excuse" to just walk away from all the skid/BM mess and not be made out to be the evil step mother.

Alone's picture

I'm right there with you. I am the vicious bitch who basically threw the perfect kid out for the summer. Still afraid that hubby will divorce me, but I told him if I stay or go the outcome is the same. Someone will still have to take care of his kid and it will not be me. So SS 16 is spending the summer with his grandparents who think he is just the most perfect little man. Not looking forward to the school year, but at least for now I have some time off.

LRP75's picture

Welcome to the club. It's both heaven and hell at the same time.

I too am demonized for DH's parenting style and the resulting shit storm that his kids have become. God forbid I actually want better for them and desire the ability to contribute to their care.

Apparently, I am such a horrible step-monster that DH doesn't even want me talking to his kids. You know, unless I can use a nice tone of voice. What is a "nice" tone of voice? I have no fucking clue. Because no matter what tone I use -- DH gets offended and jumps to their defense.

I could sound like Ben Stein and DH would still think I was attacking his kids.

So he wins. I will say nothing at all. If they speak to me first, I'll now look at DH and say, "It's talking to me. How would YOU like me to handle this?"

LRP75's picture

HAHAHAA!!!

Oh man... if only they could SEE how ridiculous they look through the eyes of others.

I don't think I will ever be able to think about a McGriddle again without being reminded of your story!

boogeymom's picture

I feel like you came out the winner because 1) f that, and 2) McGriddles are really bad for you, so you're in better health! Wink

Alone's picture

OMG that is really funny. Still laughing as I type this. You know you can still eat a McGriddle, just look at it as the one thing that gave you the strength to stand up for yourself and say F... you people I deserve better. It actually saved your life. Sounds strange but if you look at it like that you can eat it with a big smile on your face. Smile

not THAT happy's picture

Wow!
I don't know if I should say it, or if it's something to brag about... but the minute DH stopped driving 8 hours every other weekend just to see SD and started to call her instead so we could spend more time as a family...I realized I won over SD and FBM

boogeymom's picture

Thanks, y'all. Yeah, no, for a while now I've kind of been hoping H would leave me so I wouldn't have to deal anymore with his damned kids or his parents or HIM for that matter. It's like living with Debbie Downer. I know I loved him once, but I'm not sure if I do anymore. Very scary to admit 8 years in. I'd leave him myself, actually, but for the fact that he's already been left once before and I really do hate to do that to him a second time. At the same time, he'll never change unless something drastic happens, but I don't know if I have the intestinal fortitude to actually execute my plan of not coming home the next time the skids are here. I guess WHEN I snap, I'll actually do it, until then, I'm quite sure I'll just let him know that I couldn't care less about his brats.