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EOW Observations

BettyRay's picture

ChaiLatte blogged about this a few days ago and I wanted to add my 2 cents regarding EOW custody. I’ve been doing EOW with DH for 5-years. We started out with 4-nights a month and EO-Thurs. night. Then it went to 8-nights a month and EO-Thurs. night. Now we’re at 10-nights a month and EO-Thurs. night. These changes were due to BM changing jobs. Currently, when we have the boys she’s working.

SSons behavior with us has improved with our increase in overnights. We have house rules (always have) and DH backs me up. Conversely, SSons behavior with BM has gotten worse - to the point where SS12 is in counseling for it. And SS8 is modeling SS12’s bad behavior at BM’s house.

I’m actually longing for FC. I think with more time we could make a difference in SSons lives. When we were at 4-nights a month it was like we were in a holding pattern. SSons knew “it was only for the weekend” so they didn’t care what they did here or who they hurt. We really weren’t a family – it was just DH, and the boys. Now we are a family, SSons actually care about what happens here. SSons listen to me and DH.

Just my perspective.



Pantera's picture

I used to think more custody made things easier until DH got sole custody. In my case/opinion, more custody made things worse.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

BettyRay's picture

This is my greatest fear as well.

But after the fiasco last night I think SSons want to be with us cause when they are here we are here, a more stable environment.

BM offered to keep the boys for dinner last night and drop them off at scouts. It was our overnight but DH took her up on it, otherwise the boys would have spent an couple of hours in the car commuting from BM's house to our house then to scouts and back to our house again.

The boys wanted to stay with us but DH talked up BM and how nice it was of her to offer. Well...

BM had an appointment :? So SS8 ended up at grandma's and SS12 stayed home alone. When they got home last night after scouts they were all hungry and we were having dinner at 8:00PM. All BM had to do was call DH about her change of plans, DH would have been there no problem, but she didn't.

SSons were bummed and DH was upset.

Maybe I'm wrong but more custody for us has to be better for SSons than the way things are now.

Although, I could see ssons going nuts on us because of having a routine and house rules all the time. It's a free-for-all at BM's and I know SS12 likes it that way.

-Henry Kaiser