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Tales of the Spoiled

BettyRay's picture

This is what I witnessed this morning :sick: :

DH jumps out of bed and hurries getting dressed.

DH runs outside and starts SS16’s car.

DH comes back inside and wakes the skids up.

DH gets skids lunches (which he made last night) out of the fridge and puts one in each skid’s backpack.

DH goes back outside and gets SS12’s ski stuff out of SS16’s trunk and brings it in. (The stuff has been in there over a month and both skids keep “forgetting” to bring it into the house.)

By now both skids are dressed and standing in the kitchen watching me make my and DH’s lunch.

DH asks skids if they are wearing deodorant. SS16 goes back to his room to put some on.

DH tells the skids to get going.

The skids leave.

DH goes into SS16’s bedroom to get his water glass and sprays a ton of Lysol and closes the door. (The stench in there is putrid.)

DH goes into SS12’s bedroom and gets his water glass.

DH leaves for work.

And here’s the kicker, my DH actually wonders why the skids are immature. :jawdrop:



BettyRay's picture

My silence speaks volumes to DH. If I'm busy making the skids lunches, fetching water glasses and starting cars - I can't make DH's lunch. Actions do speak louder than words. Dirol


GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Wow. At their ages, those kids should be doing every one of those things themselves, especially Mr. 16.

And that's scary that SS16 can't remember to put on deodorant but he's allowed to operate a motor vehicle! Seriously. That's truly frightening.

How long do you think it'll be before your DH gets tired of being his kids' manservant? If ever?

Tuff Noogies's picture

i wish mine would tire of it. he's crippling their future ability to be self-sufficient and capable adults. but he wont tire of it, it's just part of how he operates... i really need to do better lately w/ disengaging from it- it's just much harder 24/7....

BettyRay's picture

DH thinks that at 18 they will magically be adults and everything will click and he'll be able to step back because they will "know" how to take care of themselves.

Yup realtiy is not going to be pretty for DH.


askYOURdad's picture

The best parenting advice that I ever received and live by even with 6 year olds:

"If you want your kids to stay grounded, put some responsibility on their shoulders. You are raising adults and at the age of 18 they only know what they have been taught and will do what has been expected of them up until that point"

askYOURdad's picture

I think the second part was worded better but you get the gist. I think it's so true and so important. There is a fine line between letting your kids know you love them/making them feel secure and spoiling/limiting them. It's so important to love them enough to teach them how to live without you.

luchay's picture

THIS conversation we had after I nearly left, one of my conditions for staying in fact was that he HAS to start parenting them, that means discipline, consequences for good AND bad behaviours, and teaching them how to grow up and be responsible for themselves. Teach them HOW to be the adults you want them to be 'cause it ain't just gonna magically happen.

BettyRay's picture

Couldn't agree with you more.

I've told my DH something similar many times and still he does everything for them. I've given up trying.

When DH gets angry at them for being lazy I just tell he it's his fault because they don't know another way.


DaizyDuke's picture

DH thinks that at 18 they will magically be adults and everything will click and he'll be able to step back because they will "know" how to take care of themselves.

Gah this is my DH! He said some of the stupidest things the other day when I pointed out that letting SD15 go into school 2 hours late (when she has already missed 6 days and been tardy at LEAST 10 times) was a rather dumb idea and that she was never going to be able to hold down a job with her lazy ethic that HE is enabling.... he said that it wasn't a big deal and it's on her if she fails. Really???? Pretty sure it will be on US if she doesn't graduate and/or hold down a job because she'll NEVER be able to move out and be on her own?!!? Is this not common sense here?

luchay's picture

Oh wow, twin OH's - mine said the exact same thing!!!

Prefaced with "their ONLY KIDS!!! They can't be expected to take care of themselves til they are adults!!!"

I said to him "So when they turn 18 they will magically know how to do all the shit you do for them, to take care of themselves, to be responsible and have manners and know how to be considerate of others? It's just gonna magically happen on their 18th birthday????"

He still does it all for them (well mainly ss10 nearly 11) Kid cannot even get himself a bowl of cereal. Last month we were away, the day we were leaving everyone else gets up, packs up their stuff, gets their own breakfast and HELPS with all the other assorted stuff (packing car, cleaning unit etc) And by everyone else that means me, OH, SD13, DD's 11 and 8...

SS10 - stays in bed til the last 10 minutes, then OH gets a bowl out, the box of cereal out, a spoon out and leaves them all on the bench next to the fridge. He wakes SS up, gets him out of bed (literally helped him get out of bed FFS) showed him the brekkie stuff and said the milk is IN the fridge, have your breakfast while I pack up your stuff.

SS stood there. Looked at the bowl, the box, the bench, looked around the bench, IN the sink, perplexed expression on his face... Opens the cupboard next to the fridge and looks in there.... All this over about 2 minutes. In the end I said "it's IN the fridge SS, you know? That big white thing there???"

OH was NOT amused.... Dirol But heck, at least the kid managed to figure out where the milk was... He spent the three hour drive home in his jammies because he's too lazy to dress himself and OH never laid out any clothes or helped him...

Goincrazy40's picture

MY DH does this shit for my skids and more … he prepares ALL of their food, he does ALL of their laundry (and puts it away), he makes and changes their beds, does dishes, drives them around, buys them whatever they want, pays for whatever they want to do. Sickening. I also think he believes they will turn in to self suffcient people at 18. I don't think so!

bluehighlighter's picture

Ah jeez yeah that's a mess.

My SS is 8 years old and I've had to slowly be like "i think he can do that if we show him how"

He's spoiled by SO and both sets of grandparents. His grandmother still dresses him - won't let him dress himself and they wonder why he's acted like a baby.

I have him do things himself then help him if he looks like he's struggling.

I mean grandpa peeled his banana the other day. come on my niece could do that when she was 3.

IDK if they like doing it b/c the like being busy but yea they only learn things you teach them or allow them to figure out without help.

Last night my SS8 and I were alone at home and he figured out which of the 5 remotes to use in the new system we set up and how to use it with out my help. THEN he said something that was hilarious and awful. "I figured it out pretty quick huh? When dad comes I'll say "i don't know what to do" (acts out his dad interrupting and taking the remote) "give it to me son" (in his dad voice)

tabby yabba do's picture

A really nice single dad I knew (platonically) and I were having brunch one day with our kids. He was bemoaning to me that women he dated could never seem to accept his role as a single dad. A moment later his 9 year old daughter's food arrived and she batted her eyelashes at him and said "Daddy, can u cut up my pancakes?" And he smiled as he cut up her pancakes. When he was done I asked both of them "Who cuts up her pancakes at school?" :?

My best parenting motto: "The biggest disservice you can do for your kids is to do too much"

askYOURdad's picture


Smile Smile Smile

BettyRay's picture

It was probably my DH. DH was cutting both skids food regularly up until a couple of years ago. Seriously, SS12 then 10 had a friend over and his buddy was cutting his pancakes and digging in and SS12 just waited for DH to do it for him. I pointed it out to DH, he started slowly making the skids cut their own food after that.

After we started living together DH actually got pissed at me when I'd set the table and put a spoon, knife and fork at the skids places. DH felt the skids could only handle a fork. I was like the skids need to learn how to feed themselves.

It's been a long slow walk with DH over these issues.


luchay's picture

OMFG - another snap!

First time we sat down to a meal at home with the skids I put out cutlery (it was stir fry chicken, the kids were NOT expected to be there but OH and BM had a fight and she made him take the kids as they were all so upset - it was the day after we moved in together, we were supposed to have 4 days grace with NO kids before mine flew in and we got his for the first "family weekend" It was our "honeymoon" period...

He decided to pop over and visit the skids on day two for a few hours 'cause you know, he missed them. Bastard I should have walked then!

So, he turns up with these two kids to spend the fucking night, the house is barely set up, I had 30 minutes to find air beds and bedding for them. I also made the lounge room livable, put the couches together, set up the TV and put the legs on the dining table and put the chairs around it. I made it as homely as I could.

So I set the table. Cutlery and all that "normal" stuff.

OH came in and looked at the table and said "SS doesn't use cutlery, can't he just have a chocolate spread sandwich? He won't eat THAT!!" Kid was 8.

OH ended up taking them home at midnight because SD was upset about her mum.

Sign of things to come.

The next meal was sausages, vegies and mashed potatoes. Cooked with the skids limited palate in mind. crap food - blerk and yuck. OH cut the ends of SS's sausages and put them in bread for him, SS picks up his sausage in bread and proceeds to leave the table and go into the playroom and start playing with my DD8's blackboard, OH was oblivious!! I made him bring him back to the table and said we don't walk around and play, we sit at the table and eat our dinner.

Took about a month before SS used cutlery. OMG - the reaction from OH - TEARS of pride - I kid you not. Literal tears ran down his face as he beamed at the wonder of his EIGHT YEAR OLD SON USING A KNIFE AND FORK FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!!! Oh the miracle of it all. What a child prodigy.

F*ck, my inner bitch is out to play today.

bluehighlighter's picture


Does anyone's family do the Treasure box? it's like a lil treat they get for trying new things?

SO gives treasure box treats for really stupid crap that is age appropriate that the child should've already been doing.

I think it's meant for toddlers?

Unfreakingreal's picture

Your DH sounds like me in the morning! I run myself ragged at 6am! Can I have him? LOL...

My BS16 turns on my car in the morning but only because he HATES to get in the car when it's cold.
He makes his own breakfast now but only because I stopped doing it for him.
He makes his bed but only because I instruct him.
He takes out the garbage but only because I tell him to.

However, he showers daily, does his whole Proactive thing in the mornings, wears deodorant & cologne every day & cleans his room once a week without any prompting from me. He does not drive and doesn't want to learn yet, and he doesn't work either because he really has no time with school and sports.

Little by little I am trying to get him to be a bit more responsible, I have babied him for WAY too long.

BettyRay's picture

I guess I just think that by 16 DH shouldn't have to instruct him every morning.

Here's the list:

Get dressed.
Make bed.
Brush teeth.
Comb hair.
Are you wearing deodorant?
Do you have your backpack? Keys? Glasses? License?

I just think this stuff should be routine by now.

SS16 will not shower or wear deodorant unless you tell him too. It used to drive me nuts. But DH looks at it like a form of birth control. DH says, "what girl is going to want to be with him if he looks and smells like that?" Too funny. Since I started looking at it that way it doesn't bother me as much.


BettyRay's picture

DH doesn't brush their teeth for them but he does remind them nightly. Biggrin

Oh and DH is still tucking SS12 into bed. I'm wondering when this will end or if SS12 will be 18 and DH will still be getting him a glass of water and turning down his bed.


BettyRay's picture

SS16 has a part-time job, about 15 hours a week. He is buying our old car, (hasn't been late with a payment yet), pays his portion of the car insurance and buys his own gas. So in that respect I can't complain.

BUT when he wanted to get his license and offered to buy the car I read him the roit act and told him no job = no license = no car.

Now BM let him get his license without having a job. But when he realized that there was no way DH and I would let him drive any of our cars he actually followed through and got a job.

I also wrote up a contract for the car and a payment plan. DH, BM, SS16 and I signed it and each have a copy. So far he's been responsible. BM thought I was nuts but I don't care. The skid needs to know there a consequences.


z3girl's picture

This made me think of my mom for a moment. When I was in high school, my mom used to go out and start my car for me in the morning while I was getting ready. I miss my mom so much. (She died 6.5 years ago.)

Here's a big difference though: I worked 43 hours per week while in high school and made honor roll. I never asked my mom to do it, but she did it for my dad and then me when I started driving.

BettyRay's picture

When I met DH his lunch consisted of a 6-pack of Coke a day. I take a salad and fruit for lunch. I make a big salad Sunday night and take a bowl daily, it's no biggie to do another.

Actually making the salad same become our Sunday ritual, DH and I prepare it together.