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Will DSO ever leave BMs head? Probably not.

bearcub25's picture

I've been at ST for many years but with skids grown I don't have a need to post much but still come and read once in awhile.  The stories never change, just the user names.  No advice needed...I'm finally past the mind game stage of the divorce life just a little anecdote.

The lack of transparency of BM never surprises me.  2 incidents in 2 days really drives it home that she will never give up hope DSO will come back.

1.  DSO's cousin has been posting family history and pictures recently on facebook.  DSO and I have been reading through the stuff and looking at pictures of his deceased family.   Last night he spots a post from cousin that said:

BMs name (DSO has BM blocked but he still saw the name) here are the pictures you were wanting.  There were 6 pictures of his grandparents and aunt/uncles.  I was absolutely shocked when he actually responded:

"I don't know why my EX WIFE would want pictures of my family."  There were no responses when we went to bed so it'll be interesting if there is any follow up today from his family.

2.  DSO and I started going out while he was divorcing.  BM had another man living with her during this process, technically when DSO found out about the guy he filed for divorce.  Our first date is what we call our 'anniversary', as we are not married after 15 years.  A month ago, on our 'anniversary', DSO made a public FB post about our 15 years anniversary directly to me, you know with a different last name and all.   

We were are DSO's nephews wedding Saturday.  DSO's niece works at a local supermarket.  She asked me if we were married and I said no and she acting kind of guilty and said that people were coming up to her at work and asking HER if we were.  I thought of the anniversary post and figured that brought up the question.  We don't see these kids except maybe once a year if that so I wasn't offended that she asked.   But WHAT PEOPLE are asking her this and who of our friends would know she was his niece immediately popped in my head.  She just said random people asked her and she acted like she didn't want to say so I didn't press the issue.  Maybe DSO's relatives but she may have said their names...again DSO doesn't see his family except funerals or weddings, again I wouldn't be offended if they didn't know.  Our friends know we aren't and frankly they don't give a shit.   Plus they wouldn't know her and DSO were related.  

It has to be BM or BM having people ask her this.  Maybe I'm just BM paranoid but for the life of me I don't know who would know who she was, that she was related to DSO, common last name if they saw her name tag, and who would care enough to even ask a relative this question.

So those of you who have BMs that still try and keep that foot in the door, if may never stop.  The skids are grown and there is no interaction with BM but she still keeps rearing her ugly head at strange times.

Stay strong my fellow steppers.

Comments

Winterglow's picture

Your SO's niece was acting guilty because she was asking  not for random people but for bm who specifically asked her to find out.

I'd ignore it all. Bm is a sad person who hasn't been able to move on and who isn't worth your time nor consideration.

bearcub25's picture

Pretty much what I thought.  Niece's Mom, who is the SM of the nephew that was married, said she heard BM was invited.   I did make sure to make a facebook post and tag DSO to let those folks know that we weren't married but may as well be.  I didn't want to keep them up all night wondering anymore.

advice.only2's picture

I'm curious about the responses on the Fakebook post, or if the cousin deleted the post.

SeeYouNever's picture

I'd say it is a pretty safe bet to assume that BM is still in regular contact with members of your SOs family and any shared friends that they might still have. Those are the people that your niece is referring to and she was just being evasive because the truth is uncomfortable. She is being put in the middle by your SOs family. 

It sounds like you guys are a favorite topic of family gossip. BM is definitely exhibiting some obsessive creepy behaviors but your SOS family is encouraging. I would ask him if there are any family members that he suspects are still in contact with BM.

One of my sil talks to BM more than she does to me. She would never admit it but it is pretty obvious from the way she acts in the way she is always taking BM and Estes side in imagined battles. If you stop and think about it I'm sure the leaks will become evident. 

bearcub25's picture

Luckily the days where she rented my brain for free are long gone.    If niece had just said that she saw the post and wondered, I wouldn't have thought another thing about it as she is friends with DSO on FB.   Her Mom actually asked WHO was asking bc she was kind of shocked herself.  Niece is a good, quiet 26yo so I just let it roll off my back.

Harry's picture

Left her,  She then realized that her old husband wasn't that bad after all.  Because with all his faults, She still had someone to taker out to dinner, Take her on getaways, vacation to family function.   That she is now scarring off all her other BF.   With her kids, bills,  

She wants her old life back, your SO to pay the bills. Taker her out and give her time to find a boytoy who likes married woman because they are safe.  You play with them then return them to there husband 

bearcub25's picture

I know BM is in contact with many of them.  It was just weird both of these instances happened within 2 days.  Most of them I hadn't seen since DSOs Dad passed away 2 years ago. 

Funny things about the cousin and the pictures.....she actually like the comment DSO made.   Some of his family are the typical 'WV rednecks' so I'm cordial but don't put myself out there to hang out.   

Picardy III's picture

My DH's family has strong boundaries and zero interaction with BM, yet she's still thirsty for any details of their lives - which sister had a new baby, etc. - pumping the stepkids for info, or even asking DH or me. She recently sent DH's grandmother a birthday card...with professional photos of her (BM) with the stepkids. Cuckoo.

I'm not sure it's even to stay relevant *as the BM and first wife. I think narcissists just can't handle that *anyone* they formerly knew would cut them out of their lives. SD said that BM also stalks former friends on social media, wondering why they cut off contact.