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Update to DSO seeing the light

bearcub25's picture

I know there were texts back and forth with SS and BM (yes, she shouldn't be involved) but DSO only told me about 3 texts.   I stopped sneaking his phone to look at texts a few years ago since I almost got caught 3 times in a week LOL.   Here are the texts, this is in DSO's words.  I don't know the order he received them either.

1.  BM:  Can you come get SS and take him to your house to go onto computer and put in an app at Walmart, or take him to Walmart

     DSO: Nope, I'm busy tonight.

He wasn't busy but this is something SS can do on his phone.  His phone isn't on a plan but he can do it with wifi.  Its a way to make DSO happy with him again for putting in an app and then maybe DSO will give him money or cigarettes, the ultimate goal.

2.   BM: Can you bring SS $10 or a cheap pack of cigarettes?

     DSO:  I gave SS $150 for Christmas and told him that was all he was getting so make it last until he gets his first paycheck.  I have no more money to give away.

This is the 3rd try at getting DSO to give him money in 24hours.

3.   SS:  I have another interview at the place tomorrow.

     DSO didn't say what he responded but probably ignored him. Just a ploy to make Daddy happy again and give him money

Me:  Why si she texting you?  He is a grown ass man and he can text you himself.

DSO:  I did text her this morning just to see if he went to work.

Me:   I don't mean that, she has no business texting you or being in the middle especially when she gets pissed at SS and kicks him out every other week.  Convo ended there.  

He doesn't know why the statement 'I'm getting kicked out on the 9th and can't shower' was for, he was supposedly kicked out 12/19 so just another excuse

This is what she does and SS is doing the same, OSS did it also but not to this extent.  Gets DSO worked up, placates him with the right words or some guilt trip, doesn't follow through with actions, lays low for awhile and then starts again.   BM and SS just don't understand that it took a lot for DSO to ask his brother for the money and DSO doesn't have it to pay back.  DSO now has to use his money he had put aside for tires for his truck and drive around in snow on bald tires.  We live in WV, therre is snow and live straight up a mountain 4 miles.

I was shocked there was no calls or texts that SS was trying to kill himself or seriously injured (scraped his arm) to keep trying to guilt him into being nice and giving money away.

I'm not an evil SM.  In fact, SD only had 2 dollars to her name after paying us her car insurance on time.  She gets paid today so I told her to just take some back until today.   She tries really hard to make it on her own, so yeah I help those that help themselves.  DSO bought her an older Subaru when she graduated in May.  She pays her insurance and haven't had 1 excuse why she couldn't.


tog redux's picture

He's 20!! The proper answer to the question of whether he can come pick him up is to IGNORE her.  If SS wants his father's help he can text himself.  Why are they acting like he's 7?

bearcub25's picture

Its an age old pattern.  I know, I agree, and I point it out but I couldn't really say too much until the asshole was over 18.   When SS was little he learned the louder and longer he screamed, DSO kissed his ass bc it was an embarrassment.  Once SS did it at my house and a neighbor actually came to the door wondering if someone was being abused.

Iamwoman's picture

Ah, the old "resistance to adulting."

Some offspring just need to feel that hard boundary more often than others before the lesson sinks in.

Siemprematahari's picture

He's 20 freaking years old there is no reason your SO should be communicating with BM when this is a grown young man that is capable. All this hand holding and enabling is pathetic and hope your SO finally sees the light. 

tog redux's picture

Seriously. My SS is almost 20 and if BM ever asked any of those things, she'd get RADIO SILENCE.  

Winterglow's picture

Why has he not already blocked BM's  number? His children are adults and he has no reason to keep contact with his ex.

bearcub25's picture

I said this above to Tog.....I know, I agree, and its an old pattern.  This kid is DSOs favorite.  SS was a preemie and almost died after birth.  That is how BM kept DSO roped in.

When the week of the arrest happened I said to DSO that BM uses him bc everyone knows he is DSOs favorite.  

Winterglow's picture

Maybe I'm just being a bit obtuse but I still don't see why he has to have any contact with her.

bearcub25's picture

Yep, I agree.  If DSO didn't at least respond at times, they are the kind of people that will come to his work and make a huge scene or just literally stand there and stare at him until he comes over to them.  DSO hates being embarrassed in public and thats all BM knows how to do.

Aniki's picture

1. No

2. No

3. Good Luck

As for bothering him at work, that is a crock of festering shite and your DH needs to put a stop to that immediately. That's harassment.

Gimlet's picture

Oh bearcub, I hope your husband stops enabling soon.  He shouldn't be putting himself in harm's way with bald tires in WV of all places so he can hand over cash to his deadbeat son.  

Jail would have been a good natural consequence for SS.

Harry's picture

He should not be talking, texting e mail her about this nonsense.  SS is twenty and is an adult. If he give BM his money then he goes without like any other adult.  SS has to learn