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A funeral and a BM with no boundaries.

bearcub25's picture

My DSOs brother, Bro3, passed away unexpectedly last week. DSO and his Bro3 are tight, they were the 2 youngest of 5 kids. DSO relied on Bro3 a lot for guidance, fixing stuff, borrowing stuff and Bro3 helped pay the atty retainer for DSOs divorce when BM moved in internet lover man.

DSO was eating Xanax and in no shape to drive 7 hours round trip to get YSS from the group home. YSS was given a pass to attend the funeral. BM spent all of Wed nite and Thurs morning 'updating' DSO on YSS release, DSO was getting updates directly from the social worker so he ignored BM repeatedly. Bitch started texting me bc DSO wouldn't answer...I have BMs number marked as Spam and it goes to a Spam box, so I didn't see the texts until Saturday lol. DSO wasn't talking to anyone, he couldn't form a sentence. DSO is better than me at going radio silent on BM when she tries to engage.

BM goes and gets YSS and misses most of the viewing Thurs, thank God. They get there around 5 and BM parks her fat ass there for the next 3 hours. She actually got to the funeral home before anyone else on Friday. We arrived and there she is and she stayed the whole time (she did bring the SS', but she didn't have to stay). I was prepared she would pay her respects, but I didn't realize she would feel she was still family and park her ass there.

At one point Friday, DSO, a cousin and I are chatting at the funeral home, BM comes up and tries to talk to DSO about when to bring YSS back to her bc they have another funeral blah blah. DSO just stares straight ahead and ignores her until she leaves, she tried to talk to him at another point and he did the same. At the end of the service, when people were coming up to pay their last respects, BM just stared at DSO. I was STARING right back at her, and I'm sure I looked pissed.

I asked DSO after it was over if she tried to come up and hug on him, I would have to bleach him down. He was fucking way I'd hug her.

I wanted to text BM that Bro3 hated her guts. Bro3 actually told DSO to shoot her ass, plead temp insanity and take the jail time when she kicked DSO out for her internet lover. If Bro3 knew she had been at his funeral for all those hours...and took a flower out of the spray, he would have cussed her out or shot her himself.

She just thinks she is still part of the family and its her right to be there I guess.


kathc's picture

People get all weird with funerals. Honestly, as long as she didn't try parking her ass in the receiving line with the family, whatever. SHE looked like the ass there, SHE made it painfully obvious that she wasn't welcome by forcing her presence on everyone. Nobody interacted with her, nobody welcomed her.

I think you're a little too concerned about it, honestly. Please don't take that wrong. Yeah, I'd be spitting nails too at the time. BUT you're letting her take up too much space in your head. Evict the bitch. Do not let yourself waste any more time thinking about her and what she did. It's over and can't be changed. There are no lasting effects other than you letting it eat at you.

Vent, purge, walk away free of it.

bearcub25's picture

Exactly. That is my biggest problem, even after 5 years of 100% custody, I allow the bitch too much space in my head. I will do good for a long time and then something happens and BOOM, upfront and personal.

That's what I'm doing now, walking away free from it. Thanks.

furkidsforme's picture

I will never understand the hangers-on. How embarrassing for BM. She must have looked absolutely desperate.

moeilijk's picture

Personally, it seems way more normal that my own ex would show up at my funeral than my brother's ex.

Normal people don't want to stay at a funeral/viewing for 2-3 days straight. They do it to support each other and to show respect. The former sister-in-law of the deceased doesn't seem to be motivated by those reasons.

It would be great if she was though.

bearcub25's picture

I agree that for her to come, pay her respects and leave is proper.

The few people that knew her were polite and she hugged the widow and the nephews and DSOs other siblings....not DSO though LOL. I held my tongue and just tried to help out with keeping food and garbage cleaned up, watching grandkids so the nephews could have time with the family, and stayed away from her.

To me, hanging around that much implies a current closeness with the family. And as I said, Bro3 would not have liked her there and would have told her to her face.

bearcub25's picture

I know, its more that is how BM is.

She posted on FB her brother in law, so her friends were commenting on so sorry for your family, WTF? Of course, those are just the FB friends and they don't know the story. BM loves for people to feel sorry for matter how trivial the problem is.

bearcub25's picture

It was SILs call. When I told her that BM would be gone most of the day, she was relieved.

bearcub25's picture

I didn't attend SIL2's funeral bc BM helped Bro2 with everything.

DSO has a sister, 2 brothers, his dad and nieces and nephews. I may need to pop the Xanax if anymore happens in the near future.