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Bored and an update - sorry long

bearcub25's picture

So a few weeks ago, I blogged about DSO and SS and said that SS couldn't come here for his constant disrespect.  SS stayed with SD and I predicted 48 hours he would last.

Well he lasted 47 hours.  March 6th SD and SS blow up DSOs phone and he had to run and get him.  He just moved SS ass right in, disregarding my wishes.  I told him that I would go to Moms until they could find somethng.

Then COVID happened.  I spent that weekend getting all laundry done, getting things prepped.  We had plans all weekend and I didn't have everything done.  I wasn't worried to rush out as I wasn't in danger just pissed off.  Well after I had things settled, cases were popping up in surrounding states and counties.  My Mom is 88, in remission for cancer and I couldn't risk moving in with her at this time.  

Now we are at 3 weeks.  The Asshole eats everything as soon as its bought (20yo, not 12).  Wastes things like paper plates, napkins, toilet paper.  Was told about shortages, he doesn't care.  He takes off and is gone who knows where and with whom.  I told DSO that is not safe, SS took off while we were at work yesterday to 'work' and was gone all night.  Front door unlocked all night.  If I don't lock the door when I'm upstairs or something, DSO always makes a comment about locking the front door but its OK to leave it open all night, no big deal I gues.  Didn't apply for jobs before and now its limited.  Honestly, he isn't trying and DSO doesn't like adults that don't work but he just shrugs his shoulders.

DSO isn't happy but he won't tell the Asshole to find friends to live with or anything, even though I mentioned it twice to him.  He is not happy but of course takes it out on me.  

I'm stuck.  I have to work and cases are exploded near my work.  I can't go to Moms bc I don't want to risk it, can't afford my own place or a hotel right now.  

We are snapping and pissy with each other but IDK why he is with me.  DSO has always been that way when Asshole was visiting.  DSO doesn't bitch at him, doens't say no, always has and I guess always will no matter how old he is.  He is not that way with his other 2 adult kids.

I'm hoping the pandemic is on its way to getting better by Easter.  That is my date to leave and give him until end of May to get them out of there.  

Today is DSOs birthday.  Of course we can't really go out and eat or anything so I on my drive to work I thought, I'll get us take out from Olive Garden or some decent restaurant and we can have a bday dinner.  First thing DSO says...expensive for 3 people.  I said that if we did go out, SS wouldn't go.  So I'm getting Lil Caesars for them, I'll get my own damn food.

Then after I order the food, SS wants a ride from his current location to another location.  Fuck you DSO, you get the damn pizza you talked me into so the baby would have food.  

I've tried to rationalize it won't last long and I need to just let it go but I can't.  I see it won't change and I'm done.  15 years of YSS and this crap.  I don't need a man to survive but DSO needs a Mommy I guess and it ain't me.


CLove's picture

You are doing a great job. Eff off to your "D" So. 

Keep healthy...for when this does recede and you can start a new life.

Harry's picture

You said SS could not live with you " SS couldn't come here for his constant disrespect"

DH said to you " Fu*k you. ". And took SS into your home.   Your Big problem is DH

DH is disrespect you more then SS.  Not a nice way to live 

ndc's picture

I hope you're able to leave soon. Your DSO is as big an asshole as his son, and has as little respect for you as his son does, too.

simifan's picture


You said you own the house. Kick them both out. 


bearcub25's picture

Yes that is what I will do but that will still take time to find something and DSO has to get his unemployment since his job did shut down until the state orders are lifted.    Even evicting them would require going to a courthouse that isn't open at this time, and then they would have X amount of time to leave.  DSO has lived there 14 years.

Livingoutloud's picture

It sounds awful.

Does your SO not working? I don't mean now during crisis but in general? Why are two able bodied adults can't buy dinner for three people or one person cannot rent one room in a hotel? Olive Garden isn't upscale or anything. Is he not contributing? Or you both work minimum wages? Are you very young? 

If it's your house as someone else said, you don't need to move out or stay in a hotel. You aren't even married and he moves in his adult son to your home. What the...Talk to a lawyer and start with eviction notice. 

bearcub25's picture

Yes we both work, but his job just shut down and he has filed for unemployment like millions of other are in a week.  We are in a shut down state.  

I'm 57, I have a good job.  Nope, don't have hundreds or thousands laying around to rent a hotel room.

Yeah money is tight.  I had 2 bio kids and 2 grandkid birthdays in 3 weeks time so I'm tapped from that and Christmas.

Yes what the....


Livingoutloud's picture

Oh I understand, we are in a shut down state too. Sorry about him losing his job but you posted about paying all household bills before coronavirus. If I paid all household bills and it was my house, no one would be allowed to move in without my approval. I understand you pay all bills because it's your house (I hope he pays rent?), if he lives there for free then yes you are supporting him. He'd have to pay rent elsewhere. He now moves other people in. Now you have two people living there for free. I just don't grasp the concept. People don't do it in intact families either. It's just blatant disrespect 

Livingoutloud's picture

Ok I just saw that you own the house and pay all the household bills. And this man moves his delinquent son in. Into your house.  Why are you with this man? 

Kes's picture

It's YOUR house and yet your SO moved his adult son in against your wishes?   Heavens to Betsy!   Incidentally, although your President says COVID19 will be all better by Easter - I think that's a VERY optimistic estimate.  The rest of the world thinks he is talking out of his rear with this statement - it's wishful thinking, sadly.  A more realistic one would be late May or June. 

Livingoutloud's picture

I often see on this site women describing themselves as strong and independent yet they allow themselves to be disrespected and mistreated by men every single day. I dont understand it. It's not being strong and independent at all. Put your foot down if you think you are strong and not dependent on a man.

My DH is not allowed to bring my adult  SDs to live with us and we are married and it's not just my house. Why is this man allowed to bring an adult in without your permission is beyond me. And why are you supporting him?

bearcub25's picture

He wasn't allowed either, he just did it.  If I could've followed through and left, the Asshole would be gone, guaranteed.  You may be one of the people that think Covid is a hoax, but I take it very seriously especially after one of my crew's Mom had it and we all thought we would have to quarantine.

And where did anyone say I support him?  I yes I own the house so I would pay for it and the upkeep bills with or without any man.

He pays his own bills, and I take from him what I need for a few that I can't cover..  We also own a car and a 2 year old Harley together, which we each pay half of the payment.  

Livingoutloud's picture

I don't think virus is coax. My DH is hospital RN and endangers himself daily.

When we've met and got serious I told DH that when we live together, skids will never live with us. If they move in, we will be done. My DH heard they message loud and clear. Sure we don't mind helping but they'll never live here. He'd not take any chances to jeopardize our marriage. Plus he isn't the type to do something without us discussing it 

I had an ex who moved his insane adult kid into our home and I didn't know any better. It wasn't working for me. I was done with him quickly. Now I know not to allow that. 

 It all depends on what we want to put up with. We teach people how to treat us. You can do better. 

Aniki's picture

What a pair of pinheads! At this point,  DSO should stand for Dipshidiot Significant Other...

Sorry you're stuck at the moment. {{hugs}}