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I reached my limit and drew my boundary....

bearcub25's picture

SS20 is currently sitting in a regional jail with 6000 bond.  I thought DSO had a break through yesterday afternoon but it was short lived.

After he kicked in a door in Dec, I blogged about it, he lived with family friends.   He started 2 jobs and got fired from both for not showing up.   2 jobs in 3 weeks.  The people he was staying with have a 16yo DD.   Rumors started floating around about him and a 16yo so he moved in with Grandpa the weekend of Feb 23rd.  SS and BM and Grandpa have had big fights in the past and Gpa and BM both aren't afraid to call the cops.   A fight started on Feb 28, cops were called, SS took off, he was arrested for 3 domestic charges and a restraining order from Gpa and BM.

So he was to go to court this morning.  I agreed he could come last nite and shower and then DSO could take him to court.  

He starts messaging DSO yesterday afternoon and unleashes on DSO.  Here is the gist of it:

Where were you all my life, living with....long pause but I can fill in the blank, SS said living with that Whore Girlfriend, you stayed out all night drinking and then beat women and kids.   You are a drunk, my sister is a whore (SD is a good kid and not a whore), my brother is a loser.   You have never been there for me your whole life and your brother had to bail me out of jail (the Dec incident) and you have never taken care of me.  Tell your brother that I ain't paying back his money anyway, you can pay it since you have never done anything for me my whole life.    SS is like BM, they know what to say to him to make the guilt amp up 1000%

DSO replied,   Go fuck yourself, I'm done with you.

I then tell him flat out.   I'm scared of hm and that he may go off on me.  I do not want him staying here anymore.  I've been dealing with this same shit for 15 years and I'm done with drama.

DSO was shaking when I got home from work.  He was over and done with it for that moment.

About 530 the Asshole starts calling and wanting DSO to come get his phone and knife bc he was turning himself in.  

Yep, DSO ran to him and is in a puddle of tears bc his baby boy is in jail.

Sidenote:   11 years ago, my DD was 19 and had just finished her first year at WVU.  She went out, got a DUI and ended up at the same jail.  She let a friend know to come and get her and I didn't know a thing until the next day.  She did NOT bawl and cry like a baby and I didn't either.

At 10 I'm trying to sleep and his phone rings.  SS is trying to call him from jail but there is no account set up so DSO can't take the call.  After 4 calls, I go sleep in the guest room.   Money is added and he can talk to his baby boy.

Of course this morning he takes the day off work to go to court, but they wouldn't let him in since the Asshole is an adult.  

I texted him that he needs to spend his day reaching out and withdrawing money from his retirement.  They could release SS today and the kid has nowhere to go.   DSO can get this money, bond him out, and get a cheap place for them to live.  He snapped back at me that he'll get the money if needed and he'll talk to his brother.   The same brother that bailed the kid out 3 months ago and the kid won't get a job to pay it back.

For a fleeting moment I thought DSO was going to grow some balls and take a stand.   I do see DSO getting the money to bail him out.   I see him getting money and him and baby boy getting a place to live.  I see baby boy completely fucking DSO and costing DSO more than he bargained for.  I do not see my weekends and life being put on hold for that Asshole like we had to do when he was a minor.  That part is guaranteed.

DSO will be 53 in a few weeks.  He has worked a blue collar job for years and never contributed to a 401 until him and I got together.

And he just texted that the trial is continued bc he just got his lawyer.  DSO just blew 2 vacation days to pine around for an asshole that has no respect for him.

I saw SS' mugshot.  The kid looks like he is on meth.   DSO would never admit it but SD says SS does do it.


bearcub25's picture

Watch this shit show from the sidelines.   As long as the kid isn't in my house, doesn't affect me.   I own the house, have a job making twice what DSO makes.  My kids are grown with their own lives and kids.  

I'm good.

tog redux's picture

Yeah, this is hard - he's enabling his son and he's not going to stop because you want him to. Where is your line in the sand? That's all you can control. 

futurobrillante99's picture

I am sure all of this is distressing and annoying for you. Let your DH be an idiot insofar as he isn't jeopardizing your safety or financial wellbeing. Then, pop some popcorn and watch the shit show (with a loaded shotgun nearby). Stand your ground and don't let the meth addict back in your house.

bearcub25's picture

No, it doesn't touch me finanacially.  I do have a loaded 45 and a big ass dog.

StepUltimate's picture

You're set then. 


Gimlet's picture

I'm so sorry.  It's so hard to watch this.

Adding my voice to siempre and tog, what are you going to do to protect yourself, physically and emotionally?


bearcub25's picture

He isn't allowed in my house.  DSO has no access to my money so I'm good.

The mental gymnastics are tough but I have my family to focus on.

Harry's picture

Just start think about in 10 years your SO will be retiring, with no money except SS    How are you going to live ?  You will be paying all the bills and his bills also.  That next 10 years do come fast 

bearcub25's picture

In 10 years, I will have been reitred for 5 years, getting my state retirement and my social security.  I can sell my home.  I could even do a part time job of something I love doing.

If worse comes to worse, I'll move in with one of my kids LOL.  

I pay all the household bills anyway, I would be paying them if he lives there or not, and my house is 2 years away from being paid off.



Chmmy's picture

DH usually grows balls for a minute and then they deflate again. Im assuming the same in your case.

bearcub25's picture

Yes but it took a few hours with his older age and all LOL.

As soon as baby called crying, they popped.

CLove's picture

This is DSO's fault? 

Kiddo is an adult, he needs to hav a wake up call and be on his own.

DSO needs to back way off.

Glad that you are taken care of. The thing is that you will then be asked to take care of DSO, or he will work through retirement. 

bearcub25's picture

I have tried to get that in his damn head.  He may have to work thru retirement but not my ass.

thinkthrice's picture

from all these posts is that 99% of the time, guilty daaadddeeee never changes.  whether it is doting on BM, having mini spouses, being ungrateful and nasty to SM.


Exjuliemccoy's picture

You've been gearing up for this for a long time.

I hope some of the younger/new SMs on this site read your post and take note of your firm boundaries and Take No Carp stance. 

THIS is how a woman handles her business.