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What if DH does agree with BM? What if he does think you're being too harsh on the SKs?

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 4:02pm

I was talking with DH about this.

Now, he's never agreed with BM on anything. But if he were to agree on something with her, he says he'd not say anything but "let me get back to you," and then talk it over with me and tell me why he agrees with BM.

If he thought I was being too harsh on SKs, he'd talk with me about that in private and then I'd go back to SKs and say, "I apologize for being too harsh. Instead, xyz is going to happen."

What do you think your DHs should do if they agree with BM? What do you think they should do if they think we're being too harsh on SKs?

Comments

tryingmom's picture

Submitted by tryingmom on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 4:12pm

A few years ago DH told me that I was too harsh on the skids, and BM agrees. I looked at him and said....."fine, you can agree with BM, you can think I am too harsh with the skids and I can just stop BUT, both of you better step up and parent these kids with no excuses because someone HAS to do it" Shut him down and he rethought his position. It was a wake up call, neither he nor BM parented the skids, they were running the show at both homes and they didn't even understand what a limit or boundary was. I was not going to allow that in my home. Being a parent isn't fun, it is hard work, and what you put in eventually you get out. Step up and BE the parent.

Life was different after that. If it wasn't, he could have packed up his precious world and move to his own house and let BM run him too.

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 4:17pm

SO never agrees with BM but he won't hesitate to say I'm too harsh. I have steptalk now and I don't fall for that bullshit anymore. If I'm so mean then kick me out! It's your house, SO. Why do you keep me around if I'm so damaging to your son? Hmm? I can leave, your call, SO. That usually shuts him up.

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 4:18pm

I think DH should talk to me about it. Then I think I would tell him he and BM need to think long and hard on why my perceived harshness even became a topic of conversation.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 4:44pm

That's what I think too. I might feel differently if bm was a different person with a different, better history of behavior. If she was getting medical and counseling help (and a diagnosis for her mental illness) I might feel differently.

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 5:15pm

Agreeing with bm no dh hardly ever does. Mainly yuck will call and grip about the boys behavior but when dh suggested anything she says she can't do it as she doesn't want them to be mad at her. Dh finally told her that if she wont do anything about then don't call him

Me being too harsh yes a few times he has thought I was even on my own kids. But he got over that when both my kids are in school and my DD git a full ride. Plus she thanked me for being a mean mama. LOL

myspoonistoobig's picture

Submitted by myspoonistoobig on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 10:01pm

I would be so shocked that DH and BM agreed on anything at all that I'd probably just go along with it.

The way they talk to one another is fucking ridiculous, and even when he's being coached by me to be as delicate and tactful as possible, she gets offended by any communication at all, even if it's absolutely necessary.

If and when we move to SS's state, I'm going to push for co-parenting counseling for the two of them.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

Submitted by New second wife... on Fri, 07/12/2013 - 9:05am

If my DH ever for some oddly unforeseeable reason agreed with his Ex he'd better never do it in front of her and he'd better use a lot of tact with me...lol.

^^^ THIS.