Adult SKs with disabilities
I really started to think about this the other day when someone mentioned her adult SD has a disability.
I will say that the challenges we face are unique. For starters, it may take us longer than others to "leave the nest."
It also magnifies normal stepkid feelings, thoughts and often behaviors. I think many stepkids feel left behind when a parent remarries, and I know I felt at times that my parents were out leading these wonderful lives while I struggled with a disability (Asperger's Syndrome) and I just really was struggling intensely. I felt so alone in the challenges I faced. I think that's how many sks with disabilities feel- like we are being left behind to struggle without any support while our parents lead these glorious lives.
My biggest aide in all this has been counseling. I've been getting it since I was a kid. Which brings me to another point. People with disabilities may be in counseling longer than those without disabilities.
It may take us a lot longer to adjust to having stepparents. I know it did for me. Routines are comforting to most of us (even those without disabilities) and divorce, death of a parent and a parent's remarriage all change our routines drastically. I think this us the case for all SKs, but especially for those of us with.disabilities.
What do I think needs to happen to make things easier on everyone involved? The bio parent needs to take the lead in getting the disabled sk all the help they need. They need to spend time with their disabled child, both quality time and time teaching their child important life skills. All of these things have to happen before and after the bio parent's remarriage, and regardless of skid's age.
What do you think of this, especially those of you who do have disabled adult SKs?
Anon, I've worked with
Anon, I've worked with children and young adults who have had varying degrees of Asperger's Syndrome. Some with Asperger's such as Bill Gates have done rather well in life where as some that I have encountered will probably never be able to take part in what we consider a 'normal' society. I can remember the intense reactions to any break in routine. So I really empathize with you.
I recall, while working with special needs children and young adults, that one of our objectives was to do our best to help them make a productive and rewarding adjustment into society. During this time there were some heart aches but I also saw miracles. It just takes a little more time.
I hope you do not take this the wrong way but I can tell you from experience it takes a very strong marriage to deal with the demands of raising disabled kids. I agree: “The bio parent needs to take a lead in getting the disabled SK all the help they need.” This has to be balanced out so that the parent has a rewarding life too. I think the key is empathy and respect. Yes, it would be harder for a Asperger's person to accept an SM but your Dad should still stress that there is to be mutual respect. And from what you have written in past posts I believe this has happened.
Thank you so much. I agree
Thank you so much. I agree with all of what you said. There was and always will be a lot of heartache involved, but there are rewards and good times as well. Sometimes it can be a real struggle to keep going, but I do, with the help of wonderful people like you. And you are right- my dad has done what you said, and that has helped too.