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Are some things just easier to tolerate when it's you or your own bio

Anon2009's picture

Because it seems like a lot of sms and/or their own bio kids were/are far from perfectly behaved too. In fact, sometimes the situations/behaviors (past and/or present) of the sm/sms bio sound worse. I don't believe that any of us were saints as kids.

Is all the bs truly easier to handle when it's a misbehavior on your part or the part of someone you love deeply? Is some of the stuff vented about here, like messy clothes, rooms and eating habits, easier to overlook or cope with when it's you or your kids? Is the moodiness easier to deal with when it's you or your kids? Did anyone here do far worse things than your sks did but it's just easier to tolerate?


Flying.Purple.Step.Monster's picture

Oh.. I agree with this. There are some things that bug me just because it's the skid doing it. I know I shouldn't get bugged by some of the things they do. If my BS leaves a cup in the livingroom I just tell him to pick it up and move on but when a skid does it for some reason it just bugs me more.

Glenda's picture

omg. Me too. I've even quietly cleaned up after my husband just to show the kid that leaving things around is a no no. Maybe its because the kids dont work to pay the rent in which they live, maybe its because we feel like there is a lesson to be taught here, or because we do not want to look soft if we let it slide. OR maybe its because in the back of my mind I see him doing crap like that just because he thinks he is taking a mini vacation from his mom's house and does not feel obligated to clean up. I dont know....hhmmmm :?

Glenda's picture

If the child does not know what he or she says, then I am sure he/she wont understand half the things I am about to say

Flying.Purple.Step.Monster's picture

Oh.. I don't tell the skids to do anything.. I tell DH that one of them left something and he tells them to do it. One of them spilled milk and cereal on the counter top over the weekend... he told him to clean it up.. the kid picked up the cereal by hand but left the spilled milk. I just let it go and wiped it up myself but I should have had DH call him back in to do it right.. the kid is 12 not 3.

blayze's picture

As a step-daughter, I know I was a hellion...BUT my mother allowed it. Probably out of guilt for the way she treated me pre-husband.

I ride my own kid about eating habits, messy room, grades, anything that I don't want him to do/be as an adult. He respects me because I have earned it and we love each other. I have called him an a$$hole (never to his face) ever since he used to spit up on me at age 0. He has both good and bad sides, but I am training him to be good. He's my baby, but I'm quite attuned to any behaviors that might garner dislike from strangers/adults/classmates/teachers, and I do not tolerate much of anything.

I get PISSED when the skids disrespect their dad. They generally don't disrespect me (outright - it's more like passive-aggressive stuff), but I get so angry watching their lack of manners, demands, bossiness and inconsideration for the DAD that essentially put his life on hold to make sure that they were okay. My disgust comes from watching my man become a wimp and still love people - even little people - who treat him like crap. He wouldn't tolerate any of these behaviors from an adult (he's kind of a badass) and I hate that they have this power over him because of his GUILT in choosing the wrong mother for them.

onstrike's picture

Yes,it is more annoying when any child other than my own acts up or does something stupid,lazy etc. I think if we stepmoms could have more of a real influence on our skids,they would be more like our bios because we could instill at least some of the same values,which would make things more cohesive regarding skid and bio behavior.Bm has a completely different set of values than me,which is obvious with sd8 behavior. It is just not something bs10 would get away with,but when bs10 does get out of line, I reign him right back in. No one undermines me and no one interrogates me. As stepmoms I feel part of the frustration and heightened irritation with skid behavior is we are often not permitted to discipline them the way we do our bios.

Anon2009's picture

I don't have my own kids so I don't really face this as much at my house.

It just sort of seems hypocritical to me that the people venting about these behaviors of sks a) were no saints as teens (let's admit we weren't perfect as teens. Nobody is.) b) have bios that are problems themselves (one time I read about a poster here whose own son had been arrested) or c) both a and b. People on this site have admitted they were hellions as kids. People have admitted to treating their parents/steps like crap, running away from home, just really testing the limits of what's ok and what's not. In fact some of that behavior sounds far worse than what skids do. I understand why it's easier for people to deal with their/their kids shortcomings but the reactions when it's someone else's kid is so different. Someone's own bio could be arrested. The bio parent gets mad but eventually forgives them and calms down. But a sk says something or does something rude and it's a huge problem.