If it was your son...what would you be like as a grandparent in a divorce/breakup situation
would you a) kiss bms ass so you can see the grands as often as possible or b) if she was a real bitch, just see the grands when they're with your son and hope they reach out to you for a closer relationship when they're older or try reaching out to them when they're older yourself or c) if your son cheated on bm, side with her even if she's a real bitch?
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I would see the kids when
I would see the kids when they were with my son. That's what my inlaws do. They are polite and civil to bm if they happen to see her but made a clean break with the divorce. They do have a grandchild by my dh's brother that they see through her bm. Dh's brother is a true deadbeat and I've never even met him. He hasn't seen his daughter is 5 years. My inlaws talk to the bm, who is nice enough to allow them to have visits and be part of their grand daughter's life.
Where is the d) none of the
Where is the d) none of the above option? I don't kiss a** and never play suck up. I can and do see my GS when he is with both parents and I certainly don't have to jump through hoops to do so. 'C' isn't applicable to DS/ex-DIL case (BM dumped my ds for the millionaire company owner), besides if BM ever treated me b*tchy and/or started playing games with me and/or my son, the gloves would come off big time and she knows it.
We keep trying to get MIL to
We keep trying to get MIL to stop talking to BM for good. MIL can't stand BM but she still texts her and stuff when she has a question about the kids. Like this weekend she wanted to know if she should ask BM if the kids need Christmas clothes. We told her BM can handle it. Poor MIL gets so stressed bc of BM but she could end the stress if she just waits for when we have the kids.
I would not side with anyone.
I would not side with anyone. Thankfully, I do not have a son, so my grandchildren will be primarily with my daughter. However, If I did have a son, my relationship with my grandchildren are not synonymous with the marital relationship, just as his relationship would have nothing to do with whether or not he was a shitty husband. He can still be a great father.
I would not kiss her ass, but I would keep contact with her so I could see my grandchildren grow.
Slightly different situation
Slightly different situation here. DH & I are estranged from GU SD. She used the gskids to milk & manipulate us. When we cut her off financially, SD started to alienate the gskids from us. We do not believe in negotiating with terrorists, being sneaky or kissing ass, so it's been three years since we've seen those precious kids. I miss them very much, but won't put them in the middle of a crappy adult falling out.
My oldest son just got
My oldest son just got divorced. I would see my grandkids when he has them. I will try to have no contact with their BM. I do realize there will be times when I will see her; but, since I am divorced and remarried myself I know it is better to see the kids on my son's time.