I just left town for the night.
After court today, FDH picked up SD12 for the weekend. She walked in the house and fell asleep in her room (2pm). FDH said he thought she'd been allowed to stay up all night again at BM's. At 4 he starts trying to get her out of bed. For 30 minutes I heard him pleading, arguing and her screaming and throwing a tantrum. I was trying to work, my dog was upset and I was getting ready to lose it.
After reciting my new mantra "not my kid, not my problem" a hundred times in my head, I was feeling better. Next thing I know, he's cooking her bacon, eggs, toast and coffee at 445pm! Yes, breakfast at almost dinner time.
I decided to save my sanity and go to the store. He followed me to the car wondering why I didn't kiss him goodbye. I told him I was trying to get away because I was pissed he was rewarding such behavior. He told me her blood sugar was way too high. I said, "that doesn't excuse her staying up all night last night and acting like a screaming jack ass for the last 30 minutes. He walked away and I left.
I came back home a while later and age was being decent. But I had already had it. I told him a few weeks ago that I would leave the house to protect my sanity. I am dealing with a shit ton of depression and anxiety thanks to them and I am looking out for ne now.
20 minutes later, I left the house for the night. I am now sitting on my best friend's back porch an hour away enjoying myself.
When is he going to get it that he should be mortified by his kid's constant shitty behavior, that he should be embarrassed to ask a woman to live with it and that he needs to effing stop negotiating with that little terrorist? Enough!
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When I read your stories, I
When I read your stories, I always think to myself....FDH, not DH but FDH.
Anne....this doesn't have to be your life.
(((hugs)))
We are not getting married
We are not getting married any time soon. No worries there. I can't afford to move again. If things haven't changed dramatically with the kid by the time our lease is up, I think we will have to live apart.
I respect your opinion a lot.
I respect your opinion a lot. (Even though it may feel like I argue with you sometimes). I am thinking about telling him what I'm thinking. I think he needs to know that I appreciate that he's worked hard to change a lot. (He really has) But I don't see myself living in this type of stressful situation for the rest of my life and that dramatic changes need to occur or we will be splitting households at the end of the lease in May. (Almost a year to get it together). I think he needs counseling too. What do you think?
And yes, she has diabetes and a computer addiction. She uses the diabetes to her favor and do does he, BM and the other kids who all make excuse after excuse for her.
I agree whole heartedly
I agree whole heartedly related to what he's doing to her. They both are. That's part of what is so difficult. Here is this genius child that they are ruining because they refuse to give her structure. I know it is hard but not that hard. And they've been told by at least two child therapists what they should do. So I am not the only one.
Thank you for your feedback. I think I will have a conversation with him soon. Just disengaging is not going to be enough for me. I can't. I can let him parent but I won't be the parent cop. And I can't leave my own home because of her for the rest of my life. Maybe if he sees that I love him but won't let this impact me (by moving out) that he will finally get it.
You are lucky from that
You are lucky from that perspective. So is the kid.
This kid has phobias, social anxiety, computer addiction, just came out as a lesbian, diabetes and two parents with their heads firmly planted in the sand.
Oh yes, let's not forget
Oh yes, let's not forget that!
AND her only brother went away to college (he was the best parent she had), her oldest sister has major learning disabilities, he other sister is a beautiful pleaser, her Dad moved in with his girlfriend (me), her mom just moved them all in with her boyfriend and his two teenage sons, they are activelly trying to give away her dog b/c boyfriend's kid is allergic.... Total shit show.
I don't care what her
I don't care what her problems are... don't be a dipshit and take in her fucking dog. There is no better way to teach a child that we are responsible to our commitments to others than through our responsibility to our pets. And lame excuses like "we can't have it here" are bullshit. Talk to your landlord, pay more, or move. It's a life. And HER family, that includes DH, made a pledge to care for it.
The dog is not the OP's or
The dog is not the OP's or her DH's responsibility. They did not agree to or bring this pet into their home. It's up to the BM and her family and HER CHOICES to deal with that particular situation.
You are a completely unreasonable and argumentative person. You don't bother to read or comprehend the OP's story and spout off on a bullshit answer.
Telling the OP to take in the dog is as idiotic as me telling you to do the same.
Are you fucking kidding
Are you fucking kidding me???
First of all, I have adopted many animals. My current two cats and dog are all rescues. And I actually feel bad that I can't take this dog. But she isn't my dog or my responsibility. She has never been trained and is obnoxious. She barks non stop. I work from home and would lose my job. Not to mention that it is insane that I would have to take on the financial burden of food and vet care because BM is a jack ass and shirking her own responsibility. It makes me sick what she's doing but how on earth is this MY problem??
Ps. The dog is aggresive towards cats. Should my two elderly cats suffer because of BM and her shitty decisions???
I know. But there is no way
I know. But there is no way to convey how incredible he is in every other way. He's the kind of guy many woman would kill for, outside of this. And he has come so far. That's why I decided to get myself in a good frame of mind to make solid decisions and in the meantime leave and have fun when he can't parent and she is making me miserable. I am really hoping he will finally wake up. Or that now that she lives at BM's boyfriend's house (as of yesterday) that BM will be forced to wake up. Preferably both will. Something has to give but it won't be my sanity anymore.
Anne - I have been watching
Anne - I have been watching my DH become a huge ass in the last 10 or so months. His kid (17 stb18)D and Uberskank are butting heads. He has adopted this smug, I'm the better parent attitude and it's making me sick. They (he and his kid) text each other constantly. He is always holding onto his phone and will actually interrupt our conversations and time together to contact and/or answer her.
I am beginning to really dislike him, to the point where I am thinking about leaving him because I've lost so much respect for him.
Your situation sounds similar to what I lived through the last 6 years. I too used to think but he has all of these amazing qualities, if he would just stop being a dumbass about his kid. Now I'm to the point where I just think he's a dumbass.
As my mom said the other day
As my mom said the other day when she finally realized what was going on here, "Oh Anne. You waited sooo long to meet a guy as wonderful as he is only to end up dealing with all this crap. It sucks." Yes, mom, it does.
This has to change. I can't live the rest of my life like this.
Hey, I was once in your shoes
Hey, I was once in your shoes (not the diabetes part) depression, anxiety etc. I moved out got my own place, with bs6 with dh. I had to . I was stepmother to a 16yr old ss. He was awful. Ugliest attitude. Dh rewarded his bad behavior. Anyways I am happy, relaxed and alot prettier. Not being vain but it all changes for the best when you move on. Its like a cancer it spreads, awh, I'm so glad its over. Now dh knows what he had. Its reversed now, now I am the center of attention. Ss hates it! O well
Why would dad be giving his
Why would dad be giving his daughter more carbs (bread) if her blood sugar is already high?
wait, I am still stuck
wait, I am still stuck on....did he make her COFFEE? at 4:45 Pm? And she is 12?
It gets better. He first
It gets better. He first asked me whether or not I was out of Diet Coke. He KNOWS that the rule is that the kids must always leave two Diet Cokes in the fridge for me. But he was trying to give her my last one so she could wake up and was disappointed to find out that I had none. So THEN he made her coffee. I met her when she was 9 and she was already drinking coffee. Yes-- mini-adult status. Oy.
Oh and he buys special
Oh and he buys special creamers for them.
I can see my so doing the
I can see my so doing the same thing for sd13. he let her cook bacon in the middle of a cookout/dinner party we were having the other day while I was trying to get the food situation setup for serving.
I got yelled at bc I asked what was happening. Oh and the classic thing was she was cooking the bacon on 2 pcs of paper towels. no plate. just paper towels. I so should have just let her do it but then i told her to get a plate for it.
UGH!!!!!!
Well at least yours knows how
Well at least yours knows how to cook! Mine can't operate a stove but can probably hack the state. And if she did, she probably would've done it on a metal plate in the micro. Seriously, he would've stopped participating in the event to cook her special bacon. Consider yourself lucky. Seriously, I feel ya. This spoiled crap makes me insane.