Am I seeing this right or am I being crazy??
Ok, sooooo... need to know if I'm wrong for being offended by this?
Last weekend I got up (along with my DH) and made breakfast. It's our typical Sunday morning tradition - a HUGE breakfast; bacon, eggs, pancakes, hash browns, coffee, juice, milk. It's fun to do and even more fun to eat!! = )
Anyways.. I love to cook, so no issue there. The issue is this.. I got everything just about done and was finishing up the last 6 or so strips of bacon and DH calls the kids in (bio daughter, her sleepover bff, SS10 & SS13) in to have breakfast. No biggie. We usually get them seated and all set before we get our plates anyways.
Well, DH gets plates ready for his "boys" - piles them high with eggs, bacon, pancakes, hash browns.. and doesn't get my daughter or her friend's plate ready. This kind of irritated me because I was still cooking and why wouldn't he get their plates ready?? I mean, really? So, I start to make the plates for the girls.. grrr!
Then I notice he has piled like 5 pieces of bacon on his "boys" plates as well as his own leaving only a few pieces left for my daughter, her friend and myself.. WTF?
Then his ass sits down and starts eating with the kids while I finish cooking and he looks up at me seething and says to his son, gimme some of your bacon so "XXXXX" can have some.. and proceeds to grab some off his plate.. REALLY???
I was like no thanks. Don't take his bacon. That's wrong.
What he SHOULD have done is give everyone a couple pieces, let them finish what they have and then give them more. In the end his "boys" couldn't even finish all the bacon he piled on their plates.
I mean, this is the story of my relationship in a fricking nutshell!! Shit on SMOM constantly in front of his "boys"..
Yea, I know.. it's only bacon, but see the message here..?
And he wonders why his kids are selfish and always out to "get theirs" and have zero concept of consideration for others. He also wonders why they have no respect for me - uh.. it's because I'm not equal.
Thoughts?
PS.. and soon enough he's gonna wonder why I'm gone!
He was a pig. Is he always
He was a pig. Is he always like this with everything?
Yes. He always puts his
Yes. He always puts his "boys" first.. it's never ladies first. I'm guessing it's because of their jealousy issues, but he's only feeding those issues by not showing them the right way to treat people.
Yep - his kids follow right
Yep - his kids follow right in his footsteps and they act as if they are the only people in the house that matter. I just looked at them stuffing their faces that morning and wanted to just smash them in the plate of food they were hoarding.
OK, the boys should have
OK, the boys should have waited until the women/ girls got their breakfast first. Then their father and then the boys. No discussion. EOS.
This is good manners and the right thing to do. Well mannered, courteous children get jobs and get invited back. I proved that with my kids.
DH would serve his sons up first and then me and then himself. Ummmm NOT HAPPENING! And when I asked him for the umpteenth time PLEASE raise your sons like young gentlemen and not pigs at the trough he acted like I was intent on STARVING them. And then his mother came to visit (I LOVE HER!). I tired to correct the boys when they barged to the front of the line and DH said "Let them go..." MIL turned and told her son "No! OOF is right. Your father would NEVER let you kids eat first. Didn't he teach you ANTHING? G/sons, ladies first so step back. OOF and I are first from now on..." SMACKDOWN!
Your DH had a guest in the house and fed his kids first? WTH? The man is a cretin. Ugh!
I agree whole heartedly.
I agree whole heartedly. Unfortunately, I can't get through to this guy that concept.
I wish I had a mother in law that would stand up tp these creatons, but she is equally a doormat... he husband is KING PIG. He comes over to the house and expects to be waited on - which is fine to an extent because he is a guest, HOWEVER.. his lazy fat ass won't even walk his dirty dishe into the kitchen and place them in the sink. Nope. He will just leave them on the table for someone else to get.
So, the apple isn't falling too far from the tree.. 3rd generation assholes are being created as we speak..
""I don't know how you fix it
""I don't know how you fix it either. Say something, and you're being too sensitive. Do something (like toss the rest of the breakfast on the floor and take the girls out for breakfast) and you're crazy. Accept their bullshit, and you're a sap. It's a no-win scenario, over and over and over and over and over.""
You hit the nail dead on the head sister. I'm so sick of being called "crazy" or "bi-polar" in front of the kids when I react to their bullshit. DH sees nothing they do as inappropriate - EVER. If I tell them to stop yelling, screaming and making noises (and I'm talking they are fricking LOUD) while they are playing video games I am told I am "raining on their parade." Bear in mind I am in the kitchen, which is katty corner and on the opposite side of the house, trying to pack lunches and get dinner ready for the next day and it's so loud I can't think straight. Yet, I'm raining on their friggen parade. What about MY parade? What about MY right to come home and have some peace? I work damn hard 50+ hours a week and have to deal with this shit? I mean, hell.. they played and were loud for 3 hours and at 7:30 I'm like enough and I'm the bad guy.. always the bad guy.
Start doing the exact same
Start doing the exact same thing. Feed yourself and your daughter, and let his kids wait for him. When he asks why, tell him you thought that how it work now, since its what he does.
Or, if that happens again
Or, if that happens again just say..... Well dd, since the guys ate all the food and didn't leave enough for us, it looks like we are going out for breakfast, go get your shoes and coat on. And then leave.
Or if he just serves him and his..... Well dd, looks like we weren't invited to breakfast this morning, so let's go out to eat. Get ready we leave in 5.
I know, right? The kid he was
I know, right?
The kid he was attempting to take the bacon from is SS10, who already has resentment issues with me. And now he wants to take bacon away from an overweight kid to give to "that bitch stepmom".. yaaay! Love the message that sends.. Now she's taking MY FOOD!!!! AHHHHHHGGGHHH!!!
The funny thing is he did it.. saw that it was wrong (heaping food on their plates) and then tried to take it back.. from his kid! He could have taken bacon off his own plate or said "honey, I'll wait till you are done finishing up cooking and eat with you".. nope. He just wolfed his food down and went on about his business after I declined to take the bacon he was trying to give me from his sons plate.
His kids and him of course finished eating.. and left me there to eat alone once the girls were done.. Yay.. I feel appreciated and loved. Fricking NOT!
That's one thing DH has
That's one thing DH has ALWAYS made a point of teaching SS. Even with him only coming over once every 2-3 months for a weekend, when we go ANYwhere, he makes a point to get to the door ahead of me & holds it for me to go in first.
When SS is fixing a plate at our house, he is careful about what he takes to be sure there is at least the same amount left for everyone else, & if he goes back for a second plate, he'll always ask before he takes the last of something.
It's common courtesy. It's manners. It's respect.
When I first met so 3 years
When I first met so 3 years ago and his son was living with us he did the same. Once the food was cooked no matter who the cook was he'd immediately dish his son's plate up FULL and then whoever was left in the house got what was left. I too had to nip it in the bud by saying every single meal time that we have to see how many is in the family and devide things accordingly. It slowly started sinking in but even still now every once in awhile when his son is gone to a friends or sports he will dish up his sons plate overly full to the point where when it's reheated it's spilling over. His son was the one who actually began telling his dad he had to lose weight and didn't want to eat so much. My so is the opposite with his older son though and is always telling him not to eat so much and leave some for the rest of us. I am not sure on the psychology of this but it's smoothed out a lot and everyone now gets equal portions or at least the kids do b/c I eat way less then the guys! I have taken my kids out to eat when this happened so maybe I was sending a message? Anyhow just rambling!
i would cook just enough for
i would cook just enough for me and my kids or just start doing cereal or oatmeal something easy that each person could make for themselves. if they wanted the big breakfast let dh do it and do your own thing DO NOT cook for them.
Yep he's an ass. I would tell
Yep he's an ass. I would tell him too AND I wouldn't cook for him or those heathens if this is how it is going to be. Your SS are only doing what they are allowed to do. Can you not speak up and tell them that they cannot eat until you are at the table? That is one giant thing that I changed in our house. DH's kids would dig in and start stuffing their faces before the adults got to the table. I stopped that immediately. They are not allowed to start eating until everyone is seated.
I really don't mind if the
I really don't mind if the kids get started eating a little bit before us on the weekends.. but it's gotta be ALL the kids - not just HIS kids. That's a bullshit message he is sending an truthfully I am just over dealing with it.
Well, what I would do ( I
Well, what I would do ( I love to cook as well and have dealt with piggies) is grab ALL the bacon off of DH's plate and divvy it up between me and the two girls. But I'm a bitch like that.
And divvy up what was left as well 3 ways. He can suffer for his selfishness and his kids piggery. (said in soup nazi voice) "no bacon for you!"
I like this^^^
I like this^^^
Your Dh definately has
Your Dh definately has issues. My Dh and I are working through simular problems. I found having Dh read Stepmonster helped him.
I get the feeling that your Dh isn't thinking about you and the role you have in the household.
My Dh realised that we as a couple are the most important relationship and that it was important for the skids to see this. Granted we aren't perfect, but we are working on it.
Have had to correct my ss
Have had to correct my ss about this repeatedly over the years. He would invite his friends to eat almost every single night. They would help themselves to everything. Didn't matter who was left to eat, they could care less. Of course, a kids friends take their que from the person who lives here. He sent a clear message to all of them that no one, not even his dad, mattered one bit. Sooo. I stopped cooking. I refused to cook for his friends. On occassion, I would cook a favorite meal of my kids, invite my kids to eat it all and completely exclude him. Then my son who is ninteen started culinary school. He would come home and cook glorious meals. When ss tried to squeeze in and take what he wanted, my son would smack his hand with a spatula, and say back off bitch. Moms and dads eat first. Love, love, love my kids.
Anyhoo, nuf about me. If this guy does this with his kids, I'm reading macho, self-centered, freakin' asshole. And you're completely right to say that it would indicate his personality in a nutshell. These types of acts fully display a person's core character. And it sends a message to your daughter that women come second. They WILL accept the reality they are raised in as normal. I know this from experience.
BINGO honey!!
BINGO honey!!
what is op?
what is op?
You need to get over being
You need to get over being afraid of humiliating, embarrassing, degrading, or castrating him. Do it. Let him have it head on. Let him see that your daughter and her image of what is good and normal in the world will NOT be fucked with because of his personality problems. You can do this.
Because I would have been
Because I would have been called "crazy, bi-polar, psycho" and told I was making something out of nothing...
Do the same thing to him and
Do the same thing to him and his boys. Show him by demonstrating how inconsiderate it is. Make a piled high plate for you and the girls. Then sit down, lick your fingers, spit as you speak all over the food, take a couple bites, claim you're stuffed. Pour it in the sink, or offer it up as sloppy seconds. Then proceed to go out for dessert! Leave him speechless and dazed. You're not confused, cm of 3, your head is just spinning from this guy.
You know, sometimes this shit
You know, sometimes this shit is so jaw-dropping that you just don't know how to approach it. It's so fundamentally wrong. If you confront someone who is so blatantly wrong and they attempt to defend their position, you really have no choice except full on battle. That's what I see. What if he argues? She's gonna be so damn furious, shit's gonna fly everywhere in front of kids, guests and all. Could be the breaker. Alot of people don't want to deal with the deal breaker.
What I do at mealtimes is put
What I do at mealtimes is put out the required number of plates on the counter, *I* divide the food out onto the plates and then *I* put the plates on the table and call everyone in. If there is leftovers, people can share them out only when they have finished what is on their plates first.
It stopped a lot of messing like this - my eldest used to serve himself way too much (and finish it so he has a weight problem now that he has given up sports) and DH's kids used to serve themselves way too much (and throw away most of it).
Cuts down on the washing up too. Not a solution for everyone but works for us.