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Another blended family bites the dust due to step kids

confusedmomof3's picture

Submitted by confusedmomof3 on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 2:15pm

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Blended Family Issues

3 years of my life wasted.

I ended things and moved out. So sick to death of the stepkids (boys, ages 11 & 13) and their constant manipulation. Their dad and mom are the biggest enabling, blind eye idiots ever.

Their kids are rude, loud, obnoxious, hateful, spiteful, greedy, yell at the parent, argue with their parents, sneak, cheat, lie, are irresponsible, inconsiderate.. the younger one will end up in jail at some point because he has chased his brother with a knife twice and a piece of broken glass once.. It's sick.

I tried to love them. I tried to make the house a home. I tried to make every birthday and holiday special just like it was when they were a family before. I wanted a family. I wanted it to work.

I can honestly say that I tried everything. I really did. I found us a "blended family counselor" and DH and I went a few times.. only to have him not want to go anymore because the things we were learning were "common sense.".. (uh-no)

I found counselors for the boys - they really needed help, they were hurting from a nasty divorce and it was so clear they needed to talk to someone other than their parents about what they went thru and what they were feeling.. I got co-pay info, appointment times, etc. - gave all the info to both DH and BM.. they did nothing with it. Neither wanted to invest the money or take the kids on "their time." WTF

I even went to counselor myself because I was beginning to think I was being unreasonable, that maybe what I wanted was too much.

I begged for meetings, so that BM, SD, DH and I could get on the same page with regards to consistency (discipline, expectations, schedules, etc.).. nope, never happened. These kids played both sides to the max. It was so horribly obvious.

These kids tore apart not one, but two families.. TWO.

First, their mom's: Her husband finally gave up and left in May. He told her it was because of her kids and her and their father's crappy parenting.

Then mine. I left in September for the same reasons!

Their ex step dad and I met for lunch today and I can honestly say that neither of us are crazy. We both shared the same sense of "I can't do it anymore - these kids are horrible and mom and dad just don't see it".. We talked for 2 hours about our experiences, how we would dread the week that was the week with the boys. How the boys treated us like crap, like we were not even human beings worthy of a "hello, goodbye or even goodnight".. it's sad really. Sad that both of our children and us had to go thru this hell. His kids and mine both were "relieved and happy" to have those kids out of their lives and neither mourn the loss of the families we tried to blend..

needinginwardpeace's picture

Submitted by needinginwardpeace on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 2:19pm

"First, their mom's: Her husband finally gave up and left in May. He told her it was because of her kids and her and their father's crappy parenting.Then mine. I left in September for the same reasons!Their ex step dad and I met for lunch today and I can honestly say that neither of us are crazy. "

Maybe you guys should date!

needinginwardpeace's picture

Submitted by needinginwardpeace on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 2:25pm

Sounds like not only awesome KARMA towards their significant others for being idiots but a serious love story!

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

Submitted by MarriedaBalless... on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 2:57pm

I was thinking they should date too! Sounds like they have similar parenting styles and lived through the same war of the dreaded step family. Blum 3

Sorry your marriage ended OP. ((((((HUGS)))))))))))

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 2:36pm

I just read your post, and your SS has some serious issues. How does a 5 year old learn that behavior? There is something deep going on there, and I am glad you are getting out of there.

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

Submitted by MarriedaBalless... on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 3:21pm

I'm sorry for the loss of your marriage too. Sad But after having read your post on your pervie SS(5) I think you may be better off. It sounds like a lifetime of hurt and legal problems.

(((((((Hugs))))))))

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 2:33pm

Sorry for the loss, but, it does sound like it was for the best. Shame on both of them for sacrificing their marriages to enable their kids behavior.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 3:00pm

I'll say it...

Shame on both of them for sacrificing their marriages to enable their kids behavior!!!!

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

Submitted by MarriedaBalless... on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 3:19pm

Haa haa! Thanks!

and.... damn you and your delicious looking avatar! I drool every time I see it! I only eat carbs once a week. I guess this week it will be mashed potatoes and gravy. Wink

Breezey's picture

Submitted by Breezey on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 3:16pm

I'm so very sorry. I know there is some relief escaping the torment, but it also must hurt to know you put so much effort into your marriage, your familiy, and the children. Sounds like anything you did wasn't appreciated.

I hope you find much happiness in your singleness and someday find a man who feels the way you do on all levels - including parenting.

3familiesIn1's picture

Submitted by 3familiesIn1 on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 3:28pm

I have been wondering this in many situations including my own...

Do you think the skids were a large cause to their parents original divorce?

I have found myself wondering lately if the skids played a large part in their parents divorcing in the first place - DHs biggest complaint was BM dumping the kids on him the instant he came home from work and not lifting a finger for them the entire time he was home, BM's complaint is that DH was never home to watch the kids he wanted. It seems after divorce this finger pointing 'NOT IT' type of behavior hasn't stopped by either of them for the most part only DH is being the matyr and taking his kids on as much as possible which basically means he works late and I am stuck with them - how ironic that DH is doing to me exactly what he accused BM of - and how even more ironic he likely feels I am doing to him what BM did which is the moment he does show up from work, I dump his kids back on him as they are HIS to take care of - not me.

Anyway, do you think perhaps the awful skids actually caused 3 marriages to be destroyed - adding in their parents in the first place?

Just a thought.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 3:42pm

No, I don't think the children can cause parents to divorce. I think they can be used as an excuse but ultimately the real problem is the relationship between the parents. How can the skids be responsible for the bio parents not stepping up and being partners in their marriage?

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 4:43pm

I think you should write it up and send it to someone researching step-families.... for a case study. The most amazing thing that happened here, in my opinion, is the meeting of the minds: both the SF and the SM agree that the kids are a mess because their bio-parents are asleep at the wheel. It totally exhonerates the SM as the evil witch who just does not love the little darlings, demands too much, cannot make it work for selfish reasons. Your situation is pure gold - it should be taught to future psychologists in grad schools!

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Submitted by 20YearsAsAStep-Mom on Wed, 10/31/2012 - 7:55pm

It could be good dating I mean, but then again you are having BM's sloppy seconds again lol. Good luck I hope your life improves greatly and you find peace and happines..