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How Old is Old Enough To Manipulate?

the_stepmonster's picture

Ordinarily Grumpy (SD11) is apathetic towards me while Happy (SD9) is up my butt. This weekend however they switched roles. Grumpy discovered I have an unnatural obsession with Halloween and since she is fairly disturbed we bonded over the weekend. Happy is a whole different story.

On Sunday, Happy woke up the house around 7:30am demanding breakfast. DH planned this elaborate breakfast of banana pancakes, truffled eggs and bacon and got right to work. While he was busy trying to make a one big happy family breakfast, Happy decided to repeatedly remind us that “Mommy is the best cook” and “Mommy cooks for us all the time.” Eventually Grumpy (my new favorite step) cut her off by saying “Whatever, she NEVER makes us breakfast.” She didn’t mention the fact that whenever we ask what they had for dinner over there the answer is always “Hot Pockets” but I’ll let it slide.

After breakfast, Happy decides to see if the little girl next door wants to play. And they proceeded to play (i.e., run up and down the stairs, shriek, run in and out of the house 16 times, squeal, make a mess in the front yard, more screaming, etc.) for about 7 hours. I have been known to have a short fuse (especially in my current condition) but as long as she was preoccupied, whatever.

Her little friend finally leaves around 6pm. Approximately one minute after her departure Happy declares that she is bored and wants to do something. DH rightfully ignored her and began making dinner, when again she hailed over her mother’s cooking. (Seriously, this woman must make a mean Hot Pocket.) After dinner, she wanted to go swimming while Grumpy elected to help me with a project (Martha Stewart silhouette curtains). All was well until Happy decided 15 minutes later she was done with swimming and got upset that we dared to something without her. I told her she needed to go shower and afterward she can help. Well apparently that wasn’t good enough. She took her shower and moped instead. When I asked her to help she did it half assed and didn’t even really seem interested.

While I was cleaning, Happy and DH went outside to look at the finished product, when he came in and grabbed his keys saying he was going for a drive with Happy.

According to DH, Happy had a laundry list of complaints. She declared that her sister is mean to her because she didn’t let her help and she told him she wished he had never remarried and that she has been so unhappy ever since.

Let me let you in on something. Every other weekend, this kid has the time of her life. Last visit, I helped her make a lemonade stand and posters and cookies. The visit before we took them to the circus. Before that? They went to the horse races. The difference this weekend is that I did a project with Grumpy. And all of a sudden she is the unhappiest child in the world? DH was very upset that she was so unhappy and informed me that she is just a very sensitive child. It’s my opinion that she is a very spoiled child that she is upset that she wasn’t the center of attention this weekend and in an effort to gain sympathy manipulated daddy’s heartstrings.

So what do you think? Is 9 years old too young to manipulate? Am I an evil witch for discounting her feelings? I forgot to mention that immediately before these complaints she dropped DH’s laptop and erased all his files without exhibiting any signs of apology. Anyway, you decide.

Comments

Jsmom's picture

It starts young. Enjoy it. The teen years are coming and the manipulation is unbelievable...Wait until she starts playing mom and dad against each other to get what she wants and you are just her pawn in the game...

I am truly not bitter.... }:)

RogueRanger's picture

SS could write a book on manipulation, and has been doing it since I've known him.

giveitago's picture

Children can control their parents before the children can even control their own bladders! I am serious here! Watch the next time you see a young toddler out with a parent, watch how they manipulate! The strategic crying, the glint in the eye...I have been accused of being cynical several times but I hold with my views. Parents can be total suckers!!

the_stepmonster's picture

I thought the same thing! Ugh! DH is falling right into her trap. He even said "She's only nine. She's just a baby. She's not capable of manipulation." Barf. I wish I could get him to see that she is just saying these things for attention and to try and form a rift between us. He would never leave me just b/c she said some stupid comment but what bothers me is that she is trying to insert herself into our matters. Funny how she never declared how so deeply unhappy she was and was having such a hard time adjusting before she wasn't center of attention.

iwishyouwould's picture

All kids manipulate. It's the way that they control their worlds because the adults have all the power. It's normal and healthy. The trick is how you respond to the manipulation.

Madam Hedgehog's picture

Nope. I've known SS5 since he was 2.5 and he has been a master manipulator the entire time. SS2 is now starting into it as well. Do not doubt yourself or your instincts.

You know exactly what's going on.