For all those who decided to disengage did you still cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner? I have three bio children that I of course will cook for. Should my SO cook for his kids or do I just still cook for everyone?
I started disengaging over a year ago becasue I was so fed up with my SS 7 not having to follow the same rules my BS 8 had to follow, only I didn't know it had a name. I had just become so resentful of him because DH would always make exceptions and treat him like a baby that I gave up! It has been great. I just have to remind myself not to get angry when he doesn't pick his dirty cloths off the bathroom floor...DH can do it for him. I actually laugh at a lot of the things that used to make me mad. An example, if SS needs something he yells for his DH. DH will ask what he needs and SS will say "you have to come here so I can tell you". DH does it every time, regardless of what he is doing he will drop it and run upstairs so SS can tell him something stupid. Or, SS won't go to bed unless DH carries him up the stairs...lol! Glad i'm not the sucker!
I also can't stand to study with the brat because he has not motivation and wants you to give him the answer so I make DH do it. He spends hours in his room studying while I have peace and quiet. Ahhhh...
Mine are all adults so I dont have regular meals with them. If they happened to be at my house when I got home from work, you know, visiting their dad like good kids do, then I'd ask DH what he was ordering for dinner, and he'd pay for it.
This was my first holiday season having disengaged. I tried my best to ignore the skids favorites for meals and gifts but I failed at that.I made fave items... and told myself while slaving away that I was doing it for bios not steps. I didn't make pink cookies for them because I'd have just messed those up anyway, plus SD and BM made them and brought them to DH.
Next year I will make no fave foods.
I will buy no special ornaments.
I will not personalize anything for steps.
I may not even be around for their visits.
My SO will NOT get his children. We have them for a day and a half and then the bio mom gets them a day and a half. Weird schedule I know. Anyway...He told me tonight after I told him I was making ONE meal and ONE meal only. He flat out said "they aren't coming tomorrow." I guess he doesn't either a) want to parent his OWN children or 2) as he has said in the past "make them feel uncomfortable"
I was so looking forward to teaching those kids a lesson about appreciation. I can only imagine what "lie" he told the BM since he won't flat out come out with "they are disrespectful brats."
According to him I am "mean" to them. Really? I do for them the exact stuff I would do for my kids. I have gone above and beyond my means to be nice to them. I have NEVER once said one foul word to their faces...I grin and deal with it. I told him to step up and be a parent. He said its easier to "just not bring them over." :sick:
I went through that crap for decades. It all started just after we got married and SD 16 at the time didn't want to pick her blankets up off of the floor. That was the first time I got the old, "She feels uncomfortable here." And 20 years later I was not only getting "You make us feel uncomfortable" but unbelievably rude behavior on top of it. I only wish I knew 20 years ago what I know now about disengaging. Just finished 'Stepmonster' and am more determined than ever. I will never again allow anyone in my home who is rude to me or disrespectful.
cook for everyone, but don't ring the bell when dinner is ready...let them know when it'll be ready, make them help set the table or get their own plates when it's time to eat
My SS 8 lives with us as well as my bioson 9 so I must cook for everyone. SS is very picky but I never make special exceptions for him. I had a rule in the past that you must eat all the food on your plate. I use child sized portions. Well, on more than one occasion I caught DH putting SS food in the garbage disposal or eating it for him. This is when I began disengaging. Not only was he teaching him to lie to me but also that he didn't need to follow my rules. This is around the time SS would whisper to DH if he needed something because he didn't want me to hear and possible say no. DH never tells him no and never holds him accountable for his actions. It makes me sick!
What I did was if they don't want to eat what I cook, fine. But I don't do short orders. If they don't eat what is placed on the table they can go without. It's amazing how their little taste buds change! LOL
i quit cooking for skids a very long time ago. i have no bios, so it was easier for me. skids get frozen tv dinners, hot dogs or pizza for lunch & dinner and pop tarts or toaster strudels for breakfast ~ whichever is on sale. and i make dh a wonderful dinner (not to brag, but i am a pretty good cook).
I used to cook for the 3 of us.... husband and I would take turns..(just one SS12 left at home now); but after years of bitching about my food and comments about that's "not how BM makes it"- I dont cook at all when SS is around...so bonus for me-husband has to take care of all the meals (which means a lot of pizza, subway and hotdogs); half the time I dont even eat with them because I am still working and SS12 is staaaaaarving so they can't wait 1/2 hr for me to get home (fine by me) ....Rare occasions for Holidays/parties- I do all the cooking ( I enjoy) and SS wont eat it; so he makes his own. I do cook special meals on weekends we don't have SS...for my husband to give him a break. Its one of BM's favorite things to bash me about..."she doesnt even cook".... my retort- get off your ass and get a job, you dont cook for your SS's either.
I started disengaging over a
I started disengaging over a year ago becasue I was so fed up with my SS 7 not having to follow the same rules my BS 8 had to follow, only I didn't know it had a name. I had just become so resentful of him because DH would always make exceptions and treat him like a baby that I gave up! It has been great. I just have to remind myself not to get angry when he doesn't pick his dirty cloths off the bathroom floor...DH can do it for him. I actually laugh at a lot of the things that used to make me mad. An example, if SS needs something he yells for his DH. DH will ask what he needs and SS will say "you have to come here so I can tell you". DH does it every time, regardless of what he is doing he will drop it and run upstairs so SS can tell him something stupid. Or, SS won't go to bed unless DH carries him up the stairs...lol! Glad i'm not the sucker!
I also can't stand to study with the brat because he has not motivation and wants you to give him the answer so I make DH do it. He spends hours in his room studying while I have peace and quiet. Ahhhh...
Mine are all adults so I dont
Mine are all adults so I dont have regular meals with them. If they happened to be at my house when I got home from work, you know, visiting their dad like good kids do, then I'd ask DH what he was ordering for dinner, and he'd pay for it.
This was my first holiday season having disengaged. I tried my best to ignore the skids favorites for meals and gifts but I failed at that.I made fave items... and told myself while slaving away that I was doing it for bios not steps. I didn't make pink cookies for them because I'd have just messed those up anyway, plus SD and BM made them and brought them to DH.
Next year I will make no fave foods.
I will buy no special ornaments.
I will not personalize anything for steps.
I may not even be around for their visits.
I agree with blender. he is
I agree with blender. he is right on!!!
NEWS FLASH...THIS JUST CAME
NEWS FLASH...THIS JUST CAME IN FOLKS!!!!
My SO will NOT get his children. We have them for a day and a half and then the bio mom gets them a day and a half. Weird schedule I know. Anyway...He told me tonight after I told him I was making ONE meal and ONE meal only. He flat out said "they aren't coming tomorrow." I guess he doesn't either a) want to parent his OWN children or 2) as he has said in the past "make them feel uncomfortable"
I was so looking forward to teaching those kids a lesson about appreciation. I can only imagine what "lie" he told the BM since he won't flat out come out with "they are disrespectful brats."
According to him I am "mean"
According to him I am "mean" to them. Really? I do for them the exact stuff I would do for my kids. I have gone above and beyond my means to be nice to them. I have NEVER once said one foul word to their faces...I grin and deal with it. I told him to step up and be a parent. He said its easier to "just not bring them over." :sick:
I went through that crap for
I went through that crap for decades. It all started just after we got married and SD 16 at the time didn't want to pick her blankets up off of the floor. That was the first time I got the old, "She feels uncomfortable here." And 20 years later I was not only getting "You make us feel uncomfortable" but unbelievably rude behavior on top of it. I only wish I knew 20 years ago what I know now about disengaging. Just finished 'Stepmonster' and am more determined than ever. I will never again allow anyone in my home who is rude to me or disrespectful.
you have to cook for
you have to cook for everyone. be the better person as long as your bios exist.
cook for everyone, but don't
cook for everyone, but don't ring the bell when dinner is ready...let them know when it'll be ready, make them help set the table or get their own plates when it's time to eat
My SS 8 lives with us as well
My SS 8 lives with us as well as my bioson 9 so I must cook for everyone. SS is very picky but I never make special exceptions for him. I had a rule in the past that you must eat all the food on your plate. I use child sized portions. Well, on more than one occasion I caught DH putting SS food in the garbage disposal or eating it for him. This is when I began disengaging. Not only was he teaching him to lie to me but also that he didn't need to follow my rules. This is around the time SS would whisper to DH if he needed something because he didn't want me to hear and possible say no. DH never tells him no and never holds him accountable for his actions. It makes me sick!
What I did was if they don't
What I did was if they don't want to eat what I cook, fine. But I don't do short orders. If they don't eat what is placed on the table they can go without. It's amazing how their little taste buds change! LOL
i quit cooking for skids a
i quit cooking for skids a very long time ago. i have no bios, so it was easier for me. skids get frozen tv dinners, hot dogs or pizza for lunch & dinner and pop tarts or toaster strudels for breakfast ~ whichever is on sale. and i make dh a wonderful dinner (not to brag, but i am a pretty good cook).
I used to cook for the 3 of
I used to cook for the 3 of us.... husband and I would take turns..(just one SS12 left at home now); but after years of bitching about my food and comments about that's "not how BM makes it"- I dont cook at all when SS is around...so bonus for me-husband has to take care of all the meals (which means a lot of pizza, subway and hotdogs); half the time I dont even eat with them because I am still working and SS12 is staaaaaarving so they can't wait 1/2 hr for me to get home (fine by me) ....Rare occasions for Holidays/parties- I do all the cooking ( I enjoy) and SS wont eat it; so he makes his own. I do cook special meals on weekends we don't have SS...for my husband to give him a break. Its one of BM's favorite things to bash me about..."she doesnt even cook".... my retort- get off your ass and get a job, you dont cook for your SS's either.