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On another note with a different SD

Anne Boleyn's picture

The two older SDs are spending the summer in another state visiting their grandparents. YSD was not invited back after he behavior last summer.

The oldest SD has developmental delays but she seems to be thriving there. She has a job at a grocery store and has been walking a lot and losing weight. She sounds really happy. She called FDH the other day to tell him:
- She wants to stay there for her final school year
- She will then go to community college there
- She hates it in our state
- All her friends already graduated so there is nothing for her at her school here

I am also guessing that she's not thrilled about moving in with BM's BF and his kids where she moved last week. And she doesn't want to live here with us because we won't let her mom hang out, etc...

So, I actually think this is a good idea. She just seems happy. I know FDH will miss her but she's a year behind in school so this is the time in life when most kids go off to school.

I told him that I think CS changes are unnecessary other than to tell/put in writing to the grandparents that he pays $X for the three kids and to take it up with their daughter (BM) to send support money for her.

SD says BM and grandparents are supportive of this decision.

What do you guys think?

Comments

Just J's picture

I think if she is doing well there then she should stay. Sounds like she is 17, she should have a choice at this age about where she lives, and if the grandparents are in agreement the the only thing stopping it would be the BM, and that would be really crappy if she said no. But if the GPs want part of the CS, I can see that being an obstacle. Though with CS ending when she turns 18, I don't see that being a huge issue unless the BM is that greedy.

Good luck! I think with a developmentally delayed child, anything the parents can do to make things better should be encouraged.

Anne Boleyn's picture

I think BM is supportive.

CS lasts until she graduates next June. And honestly, living with her grandparents is the best shot of that happening. BM is so "busy" she can't even check their grades online or ask about homework.

Do you think my CS idea would work if documented in writing?

nothinforya's picture

Why even bring up the CS unless the grandparents do? Then, BM can deal with them. Your DH shouldn't have to pay more because the domicile of the child has changed, or have to split his payments. Also, SS has a job, and can start providing for herself, which is great.

Love51's picture

Sounds like a great plan. We had an issue with CS, BM completely stopped taking SS and grandparents stepped in. But, unless CS is changed legally, she still collects it automatically every month. For two years BM had SS 0% of the time and was collecting CS as if she had him 60% of the time. My SO asked her to send some of that money to SS's grandparents that stepped up. They would pick up SS15 from school every day, make him do his homework and feed him snacks and dinner. She refused, felt entitled and kept all the money. If you find any resistance or she conveniently "forgets" to send the money over, she doesn’t legally have to (at least in my State). So, if you have any issues, make sure to get it in writing or legally change the order.
I put a stop to the above issue, I requested SO stop paying BM money every month to have zero responsibility. SO is too nice and was being taken advantage of. The next week, we were back to following the custody agreement.