I just want peace.
How many times have I said those words over the past years? But it seems peace and so called "regular" life are an illusion.
My sd16 has a 4 month old girl. We were beside ourselves when this happened but tried to focus on her future because other than doing something stupid she is a very smart person. The baby's dad is an idiot. He is almost 18 and very manipulative. He is also extremely controlling. On the other hand, my sd is graduating high school a year early with a full scholarship to a college for mathmatics. Her bf aka baby dad, has no aspirations whatsoever. He has no boundaries, no curfews, no chores at his house just to give you a little more understanding, he also has anger issues. He fully will tell you he has anger issues and he also acts like a 2 year old at times.
About a month ago my sd received paperwork that she was being taken to court by him to establish custody etc. They supposedly have a close relationship but he didn't tell her this was coming. She forgave him. My dh told him he is not welcome at our house until the court case is finished. He told him that court creates adversarial situations(as we all know!) and he has to protect his daughter. Since then, he bombards my sd's phone with text messages full of hatred. He has texted sd over and over that her dad is a F***tard. He gets mad if she doesn't respond right away to her messages if she is doing something else(we have a farm) and then bombards her phone. He is pushing her to seperate from our family, move in with him, etc. He yells at her when he doesn't see her. (btw he works at a store and she will go see him at his house on his off days) but even when she does it still isn't enough.
My dh and I have no idea how to balance having a 16 year old with a baby and all of this. She may have had a baby but she is still only 16.
She sees that he has something wrong with him but yet, she continues to try to have this totally twisted relationship with him. We have told her before that just because you had a baby with someone doesn't mean you HAVE to stay with them. And that him being so ignorant to her isn't fair to the baby.
Anyway, like I said before, we have a farm. There are 3 teenagers in our house and they all take care of a different group of animals. This guy has been filling her head with phrases like "you should be taking care of "our child" and "our family" instead of doing what your dad wants on the farm. This week she has started telling her dad she wants to get rid of her animals. He has told her no. My own viewpoint on this is that we are financing her lawyer, we have each been through our own custody battles(his lasted 10 years and cost 75k) and that if she can't do something like feed and water her animals each day then she needs to get a job and she can pay for her own lawyer. I am also completely worried about the control this guy has over her. It's this continuous cycle of anger, then a honey moon phase, then her doing what he wants, then anger. The way he talks to her, it has sooo many red flags. My dh and I have both told her we are worried about the way he talks to her. My dh asked her last night, what do you do when he talks to you this way and she said" nothing". He asked her what she wants as far as her future with this guy and she said "I don't know". He asked her a bunch of other questions to which she just said "I don't know". He told her he was going to give her some time to think and then talk to her again. She's the kid he is really close to and he's not understanding her evasive behavior. I told her this morning that hes upset and she should talk to him because he doesn't deserve more drama. (you can read my previous posts for that!) This is a man who will do anything to see that his kids and my kids succeed and realize their aspirations of going to college and being successful at life in general. My DH is a really awesome person and a great parent.
This girl has gone from being a confident person who will stand up for herself to being a robot. Now I know that having a baby at 16 can cause all sorts of emotional issues. But I don't get this hold this guy has over her. My gut instinct is that in the future he will be an abuser of some sort wether emotionally or physically. He does it now verbally. If she doesn't answer his texts right away he gets mad. He texts her literally every few minutes unless he is at work. She sees him 3 times a week or so when he's not at work, yet that is never enough. My dh monitors his daughters phone and she knows this and he is going to print off the conversations and give them to the lawyer. Me, I just want peace in my house, no more years of lawyers, and kids who can have healthy happy relationships.