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"happy" holidays!

AJanie's picture

I hope some old friends are still hanging around here because I could use an STalk vent session!

I will probably be back for good at some point since my new love interest has a son :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:

I am in holiday mourning mode and have a terrible cold right now, too. The first holiday season after the end of a marriage is certainly a difficult time... I don't think I realized it would be this weird/isolating/depressing.

I hung some lights in my apartment and bought a holiday candle. That is all the decorating I will be doing. Biggrin

I am also absolutely broke and not sure how I will buy anyone gifts. The financial damage that my ex did is becoming more apparent with each passing month. Trying to keep up on my bills is awful - and knowing so much debt was accrued (in my name!) because he was off blowing money on drugs is almost too much to handle sometimes. He has absolutely nothing and couldn't care less. Somehow he finds money to parade women around the local bar though. Must be nice to not give a sh*t about anything but himself. Barely scraping by is an awful feeling. I will not file bankruptcy, because I somehow still have good credit and intend to push myself to make payments and keep it that way, but I will never let anyone take advantage of me like that again.

I was working a second job part time from home for a friend but now he is going through a divorce and the work has stopped... awful timing. I was counting on that income.

On to the positive...

I am still casually and happily dating new guy. We see each other mostly on weekends. He has a 5 year old son who I barely see and plan to keep it that way for a long time. His ex is friendly and amicable - I did run into her once already... it was a nice change from the old BM who would give me death stares. I still have a lot of thinking to do about this relationship before I will allow it to go any further.

Dating is actually a lot harder than I thought. 2 people with busy work lives (and him with his son), trying to find time to spend together... sometimes it almost feels impossible. No wonder why people just move in together. *I won't be doing that anytime soon.* I have step hell PTSD, for sure. I over analyze everything now.

Anyway,
I miss you all and look forward to rejoining conversation around here.

AJ

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

My first holidays after XH and I split sucked. I spent a lot of time with family and some with DH (who I was dating casually at the time), but not having *someone* after nearly a decade with a partner at holidays sucked. It sucked even more because BM threw a small fit about me being around for Christmas since she used to celebrate at FIL's house with DH and the boys, so FIL asked that I not be involved that first year. I sympathize, but can also tell you that it gets better - so much better.

As far as work, if you're not really into the holidays, there are lots of places looking for extra help. FedEx and UPS will pay better than retail and give you hours. Same with other warehouses. It'll be temporary through January (unless they can keep you), but it will help you get through this financial and emotional time.

Also, check with some of the hiring agencies. Many places right now hire at-home customer service reps who can help during the holidays. Probably $10-13 an hour.

Call your CC companies and see if they can help you with lower payments, freezing your credit, etc. It won't get rid of your problems, but it can definitely slow them down so you can get a handle on them. They would rather work with you to get all their money versus kill your credit and only get some of it.

You got this, AJ.

AJanie's picture

Thanks for the advice. I did look into some temp work. I find it is hard enough working full time and not feeling guilty about my dog sitting home alone. I was hoping if anything I could find a breakfast shift at a diner or something close by just on the weekends, but obviously you can't exactly pick and choose when it comes to a job. No luck so far.

ESMOD's picture

Glad you are doing well... I know the bad stuff sucks and paying for his irresponsibility makes me angry for you! But, it's going to be a really good lesson in life and how much we allow people to take advantage of us at times. So.. slow and steady wins the race and while it may seem like your EX is living the life without a care.. an addict is living in a hell of their own making and believe me.. he is paying for it and will for some time.

AJanie's picture

It was certainly a valuable life lesson. I have been careful not to overextend myself for anyone these days! I was always such a doormat. Nice to hear from you, ESMOD.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

^^This.

Glad to hear you're doing well, AJ!! Biggrin

Depending on your location, there are delivery jobs available. A friend of mine in a large city told me about it (will ask her for the info). You sign up, then log in to say you're available, pick up a package, and deliver. She was making anywhere from $25-50 for one delivery (plus tips) within an hour.

ETA: The place is called Postmates. Smile

AJanie's picture

Thank you, Aniki! No postmates in my area yet - I checked. Nice to hear from you!!

MoominMama's picture

To be honest i'm a real Grinch these days. I really hate the holidays. When my sons were younger and I wasn't an SM I enjoyed the preparation, all the cooking etc but now it has no mean whatsover. We are going to the UK and to my mothers house. I actually don't want to go. Glutton for punishment.

Although back in the old days there were times when the money was soooo tight with my ex being so idiotic with it. I know it's really hard to get into the spirit when you going through money troubles.

AJanie's picture

Money troubles and holidays certainly don't mix. To be honest, I was never really too into the holidays. I guess it is just a little worse this year. Hope this year you find them enjoyable despite feeling like a grinch.

Annoyed2626's picture

No wonder why people just move in together. *I won't be doing that anytime soon.* I have step hell PTSD, for sure. I over analyze everything now.

Yea I got pushed into moving in together, and it torpedoed the relationship within a month because the skid was so annoying. You're smart to say you'll hold off on that!

skatermom's picture

Don't move in with the new guy even if you think you will be saving $ that way, dig yourself out of debt little by little and stay in your own place. I still miss having my own place 6 years later.

Acratopotes's picture

hey hey hey stranger.... missed you...

now for the debt, can't you get him through court to pay? If not pffft hang in there girl you will survive this, you will find a second job or a better paying job. Christmas gifts are over rated, make the people you love cards, those who love you back will appreciate it and those people are the real friends, the others can follow in Xdh 's footsteps for all that you care...

Now this new love interest... remember remain friendly to BM but disengage Hon, enjoy the times you spend with this man even if it's only once every 2 weeks, not the time to get serious..... maybe after a year or so when you are sure he's not just a rebound guy, keep your options open so to speak..... enjoy your little woman cave and be happy... that's all we want in life really Wink

AJanie's picture

Acra!

My ex won't ever pay me a dime. He will lie, cheat, steal, fake injuries or work under the table. The $2,500 I managed to squeeze out of him is all I will ever see. I have somewhat accepted it.

I do enjoy my woman cave, trying to make sure new guy isn't a rebound and take it slow. He is such a sweetheart and definitely seems to like me more than I like him. It is kind of nice for a change, but I have mixed feelings about it. I think he is great, very sexy, kind... but then I wonder if it is a big red flag how into me he is, so early on. Gah!

Dating sucks Blum 3

robin333's picture

Thanks for the update AJ. You are doing great getting through this and it will get easier and better. Please be careful and take things beyond slow with the new guy. You owe yourself some healing.

AJanie's picture

Trying, Robin! Slow and steady... wins the race. Right?

Nice to hear from you!!

WalkOnBy's picture

Hi AJ! I second what Gimmy and Robin said.

And yes, slow and steady wins the race every single time Smile