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To blend, or not to blend?

SittingPretty's picture

I'm wondering how other blended families manage finances. We have a joint account that we use for household items, and separate accounts for everything else. I have a good relationship with my skids, and have no problem paying for them whenever they're with me. We've been together for almost five years and have had no issue with how we've handled things so far.

Has anyone done this kind of system successfully term? DH is opposed to blending finances. On the whole, this benefits me as he has two kids, (I have one and don't pay child support) child support payment and pays pretty much all the special expenses. He earns more than I do but after all that is factored in, I have more disposable income. I think his main objection is that he would have to consult me on activities, expenses etc for the kids if we were a blended income family. I feel like this is an odd approach in a long term relationship but perhaps it's just practical in a step situation?

Should I just be grateful that he doesn't want me to pay for his kids and leave well alone? There are situations when expenses arise for them (they're close in age), for example they both needed braces at the same time. He paid but was struggling to do it. I would have been happy to help but he wouldn't accept it. I'm kind of in two minds about it because I don't think this is really how a family should operate. I wouldn't expect him to help with my child but in the same situation it would be nice to have support. He tries to do everything by himself.

Acratopotes's picture

Leave the finances as they are... there will be no resentment in years to come cause he can't afford it and you have to pay for rude skids.

With your extra cash in pocket, why not start planing for retirement, or invest the money in good solid investments for your old age, DH will not be on the same path as you then and then you can take care of it, this is a good marriage in my opinion.... he looks after you now from time to time and his own children and later you look after him....

The only time DH needs to consult you is when he takes money from the joined house hold account, cause that's for the house hold not for the kids,
It's to cover the mortgage/rent/utilities/repairs and food nothing else..

fairyo's picture

I agree with Acrat- keep your own money! Different relationships sort out their finances in different ways and this seems to be working well for you. Your DH wants to pay? Let him, he's have to do that on his own.
My DH pays for just about everything, and he seems happy to do that. My wages are my own more or less. The savings we have are in my name. I have more disposable income because I don't waste my money on my kids like he does, or buy boats that never sail!

Cover1W's picture

Don't blend it.
How old are his kids?

DH and I don't blend money we do the same as you, one joint house and then we each have our separate accounts. He has a lot of debt he brought to the marriage and when we first were together I helped out more. And then that continued. And he and BM started expecting it. And then resentment grew. So now, even though I have a pretty good situation compared to a lot of people, there's no way I'm helping with things I ultimately have no control over (food issues, clothing issues, hygiene issues, etc.). I help them have a nice house, basic food items, heat, electricity and maybe some extras if I feel like it but nothing more. Ultimately, they are not my kids, I didn't choose to have them and I don't get to parent them so I don't pay for much as a result. And my DH understands that.

SittingPretty's picture

They are 9 and 11. So a long haul in terms of expenses, especially if he decides to help with college etc!

skatermom's picture

We don't blend money at all. Been together 8 yrs. Married almost 2. Just this week DH told me he was overdrawn in his checking account. He wanted me to give him some money to cover the shortfall, I refused. Why? Because he took his daughters shopping last weekend and bought them new Converse tennis shoes at $56.00 a pop. If you are that broke, go to WalMart for their shoes, you'll get to sympathy here.

SittingPretty's picture

Thanks for all the advice! Looks like a unaminous ‘don’t blend’ then! I think you’re probably right. I hope I wouldn’t resent it if I did but why take the risk?