You are here

There has to be a better term than Step ___... Any suggestions?

drift40's picture

I feel like when I talk about my "step" son there is always a negative connotation, same with "step" dad. Does anyone have suggestions for an alternate term?

Anne 8102's picture

I call my stepdad by his name, but when I refer to him to other people, I call him "my dad." I also call my stepchildren by name, obviously, but when I refer to them to other people, I say our son or our daughter.

~ Anne ~

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

laughterandtears's picture

I always say This is my son *** and my other two sons *** and ***. I never get any questions that way. Plus it doesn't make my SS's feel like outsiders. We hae a saying in our house, the only steps at our house are the ones leading up to porches.

IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.

Mocha2001's picture

I just call my SS my son or "our son" ... same with Anne and my step-dad ... to his face I either say his name or "dad" and to others "my dad."

~ Katrina

sweetthing's picture

for when the baby comes. The boys call me by my first name and are quick to point out when people mistake them for mine that I am step mom. ( we have always been very clear that they have a great mom & I don't need to try & be her.) However when the baby is born I don't want to go around introducing them as this is my son & these are my steps. I am thinking of just referring to them all as these are our boys. ( I , well all 4 of us actually wanted a girl really bad, however I am so happy that he is a boy because it will make it soooo much easier with this issue and I think that boys are less maintenance. My brother's girls are really high maintenance & they have a how maintenance mom. I am sort of medium to high with certain things and am afraid I could have created a diva Smile )

The other thing that will make this interesting is from the 4 d u/s we had done it appears that the baby looks like a replica of our 7 y/o. I had really hoped he would take more after daddy & his brothers than me just for this reason. We have told the boys & their BM that 1/2 brother is not a term we will be using. DH & BM were arguing the other day about how DH doesn't want the baby regarding her as the evil lady who takes away his brothers ( we want him to have a positive atitudfe towards the boys BM as she picks them up here daily after school)or that his brothers are just every other weekend brothers. She made the comment that baby will just have to get used to that & that the boys were remarkable & could make friends with anyone. She even compared it to her BF's kids. DH pointed out that is different & if her & BF broke up would they ever see these kids again? She pretty much dropped it & agreed that during school year the boys could stay over 1 night a week like they do in summer. Of course DH threatened to drag her into court & have CS looked at. Our state changed rules & now looks at BOTH parents income. He also said while they were at it since he has another child that they could throw that one into the equation as well. She totally backed down after that. She knows she makes about what the two of us do together & then gets 1/3 of DH's income tax free. We have agreed ( DH & I) to never allow the baby to be factored in, but when it is review time what happens happens.

I told DH it's like this, I will never have another baby, the boys are the only brothers he will ever have, but the boys will always have each other. It is important that baby have them in his life.

loonybonusmom's picture

that's it...that's what we call it, I got lucky and scored two bonus sons! I know when ss8 refers to me anywhere social(school)...I am still the step, but with something like a family thing...he always calls me the bonus mom! Can't say it with the eldest ss16...I am probably the evil one right now, but there was a time when....as far as calling us mom/dad...i don't think they have to, they know who we are, and like it or not where we belong so they deserve the respect of our first name. With my youngest ss, he was a baby, and did often call me mamma, still slips out, but it is unfair I think to the other bio, and the child to expect much more.

Imustbcrazy's picture

We introduce the kids as OUR kids, My kids, THE kids... whatever... never STEP- I call my Step Dad, Dad or by his first name and introduce them as my parents, my dad... It is all family so why feel the need to LABEL it? I love to hear DH talk about HIS kids... it makes me feel good when he tells someone "I have to go pick up my daughter from school". My BIO dad would probably kill me if he knew I called my Step Dad "Dad" when I want to. He snapped at me a few weeks ago for referring to him as my "Step Dad" in conversation. He seriously told me "don't call him that call him by his name"- EXCUSE ME??? I am 30 years old, don't you tell me what to call him. People get too caught up in all of this TITLE crap. Family is family.
Daddys Gurl-

Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.

goingcrazy's picture

In the beginning, my daughter called my husband by his name and SD called me by my name. Soon BD started calling DH daddy. It took SD much longer, but now calls me mommy. Most people don't even know that we are a step family. My daughter looks like she could belong to me and DH and SD looks exactly like DH so you can't even tell. When the subject does come up, all I say is that I have the two most beautiful daughters in the world, though I can only take credit for the beauty of one. And I leave it at that.

SHL's picture

I cringe when I hear people use the "step term" when introducing the children. Even worse is the 1/2 brother/sis thing and I can't believe someone would use that today, but has anyone noticed (got me thinking), how horrible the media is? They always use those terms, and always bring attention to the....adopted child. For example, notice Paul McCartneys child that he and Linda adopted, they never refer to her by just name but she is always preceded by the title "adopted" whereas his other children are not. That should stop, and its always done by the media. I never hear people protest about this, and its blantly rude and demeaning.

People should not introduce children as Steps, halfs, adopted or...Alledged children!

drift40's picture

My step son is very close with his father (he's a great guy) and I don't want to confuse the situation by me calling him my son and creating awkward feelings, or for him to have to call me Dad. That's why I wish there was a better term/word. Bonus to me wouldn't work.

I find myself referring to him as my little guy, which seems to work, but its not perfect.

Bonus Wife's picture

I read an obituary recently...and I couldn't believe they said..he was survived by Mary, his second wife! What kind of crap was that???
It should have read...Mary, his wife!!!

I too am sick of it.

When people ask how many kids we have, we say 4. We never say...he has 3 and I have one...although if I introduce them to someone I do say proudly this is **** my stepdaughter....or for the one that doesn't acknowledge me as her family...I say this is ****, my husbands daughter. It sucks.

Funny, when I shop with my younger sd...and people assume I am her mom...she never corrects them and we giggle about it afterward!