SD20 second kick at post secondary
So the issue arises that because SD20 is still living at home with BM she needs to reinstate CS to SD20.
She graduated in 2014...went to university for a semester and took three courses. Flunked two of them. Went back the next semester, took three again..and quit half way through...first time around tuition was paid 50/50 by DH and BM.
She worked full time in a grocery store while living at home with BM from February 2015 to August 2016. Did not pay CS for her during this time.
She had little savings for her return to post secondary having blew her money god know what..nothing to show for it. She had to get a loan to return to school.
DH and I share finances. We don't have a problem helping SD but believe that she is an adult and should be held accountable as such.
Our proposal basically says SD20 has to keep her job part-time, pay 60% (we are talking $35 per week) of her living expenses, and all her personal expenses. We calculated the living expense as the portion we would have been paying to BM if she were a full dependent. DH will pay her the other 40% for living expense. BM will be responsible for collecting from SD for living expenses as that is where she resides.
SD has to use her loan to pay her college expenses and anything not covered will be split between DH and BM based on incomes. She has to prove her marks on a monthly basis and attendance is mandatory.
There are safety nets in the agreement to help SD in case of unexpected costs or job loss.
Failure to abide by agreement results in SD being declared fully independent and our legal obligation to support her financially ended.
Do you think this is harsh?
We are not aware if BM is
We are not aware if BM is charging for rent. She is living at home with BM, who wants to reinstate CS for SD20 now that she is going back to school.
She is considered the age of majority and have not paid CS to BM for her in over a year because she was not attending school...but working full time.
We believe that we should not be paying CS to BM for SD...but are willing to financially help SD a little because this is her second go at post secondary..and the first time was paid for by DH and BM.
It's a grey area. We have
It's a grey area. We have not actually spoken to a lawyer as of yet but we did speak to Family Justice (works along side the court system in these matters) and they said that SD would not fall under the established federal guidelines because she is 20 and has been out of school and working full time.
We are currently awaiting mediation between DH, BM, and SD to determine if they can agree on something or if it will have to go before a judge.
And we are not denying her help Her first go at it was fully paid for. We just want to make her accountable and work for the second try. We aren't looking to waste more money.
If BM snubs your offer and
If BM snubs your offer and goes to court, could she come out ahead on just skid15? Meaning your DH has been paying below going table CS for his kids for a number of years per their private agreement. If BM goes to court to legally adjust CS on just the one remaining minor and is granted table rate, will the amount be more money than currently being received and also higher amount than current and this college deal he's trying to negotiate?
Example amounts only: 1. CS current paying $350 nothing for SD20 2) negotiated CS current $350 plus college SD20 assistance $150 for total $500 3) BM goes to court, loses assistance for SD20 but wins table rate CS for the minor and new CS legal order is $700.
Just saying look at all scenarios.
The new agreement will pay
The new agreement will pay table rate for SD15. So no...she won't get more that way. Our issues that require mediation are to do with SD20.
The purpose of that comment
The purpose of that comment is to ensure that SD20, who should be on her way to being independent..learns to pay her own way. If BM chooses not to collect the money from SD..then that is her choice but the additional money for SD living in her house would be available. That's all we were saying. We are not trying to cheat BM out of money. The amount that SD and DH would pay together toward living expenses is the total amount that DH would pay for SD20 if she were a full dependent...but she is not..hence the 60/40 split. And we would pay the money directly to SD because she is supposed to be an adult...rather than BM as CS.
Mom in this case is SD's
Mom in this case is SD's "landlady" so to speak. She lives with her mother. We are trying to let SD know that she is considered an adult and as such has to start paying rent...even if it is to her mother!
I'm not sure what the big deal is over that....
I would not pay a dime for a
I would not pay a dime for a lazy ass who flunked out twice already.
I would not agree to pay
I would not agree to pay anything to BM. 20 is an adult. Make the court order it. If DH feels it's necessary to help out his child he can help with tuition or funds as he feels necessary.
Age of majority here is
Age of majority here is 19..I'm in Canada. Also we are helping her..but we also want to make her accountable and feel she has to contribute to her education as it is the second time. First time was fully paid for by DH and BM. AND DH split 50/50 the first time..even though their expense splitting ratio based on income is 30% DH and 70% BM....and she failed the first semester..and dropped out the second. No refund either.
Are you serious CS for a
Are you serious CS for a twenty year old. Have her enroll in the military where she can get a solid education and it will not cost her or you a cent. If she flunks her classes in the military she can work in the mess hall washing dishes. I am in disbelief. I could see if she was trying hard in school. Give me a break!
This is the new millennial
This is the new millennial generation we are talking about. Helpless, enabled and expects to be handed everything. How embarrassing to be awarded "child" support when you are 20 years old. Unless you are handicapped in some way this is just ridiculous.
I missed the post where you
I missed the post where you wrote that you made the decision not to have them in your wedding. Good for you! Now, do not pay any attention to sds during your ceremony. They will probably be copping attitudes and not be joyful for you. Ignore them!
Apologies, one glass of wine
Apologies, one glass of wine too many. The above the the wrong post.
IT's a grey area here in
IT's a grey area here in Canada Sally. The couple of professionals that we spoke to said the she wouldn't fall under the federal guidelines for CS but felt the judge would expect DH to contribute something. So we are trying to give SD some help..but hold her accountable as well. BM does not get that she is 20 and should be learning independence..rather lets her spend SD spend her money on fun rather than real life.
Meeting with a lawyer on Monday for a consult.
I just have anxiety in unknown situations...it drives me nuts not knowing what we will have to face.
When I was 20 I'd already
When I was 20 I'd already graduated from college. And my starting job (as a woman 50 years go) in today's dollars was about $50,000 a year.
Eff off these user/losers in today's world.
Awaiting lawyer consult and
Awaiting lawyer consult and mediation. I hope it gets resolved quickly. Not knowing is the worse.
We aren't sure. As this is
We aren't sure. As this is her second go at it...after being fully supported the first time and being in the workforce for over a year..we don't know what the ruling will be.
It's scary actually...how many times can BM do this? Age of majority is 19...
Age of majority here is 19.
Age of majority here is 19. And it's law to keep paying while they are in school. The grey area here is that she is still living home with BM...flunked a semester..then dropped out the next...worked for over a year..and is now going back. BM wants support for her AGAIN.
The sad part of this is that it's making me resent the hell out of SD20...my DD20 is working, living on her own, and knows when she is ready to go to post secondary she will have to either save or get a loan to cover ALL her costs.
AND my DH and I have joint finances..so it does affect me.
Appointment with the lawyer
Appointment with the lawyer on the 31st. We are waiting on the mediation appointment but DH won't accept one before he can talk to the lawyer.
No, not too harsh. Actually
No, not too harsh. Actually I think it is too lenient and unrealistic. I would suggest that if you an DH want to support SD-20 and her return to university that you make your participation performance based. She works or takes out loans for her living and school expenses and if she passes all classes with a C or better... then you give her the agreed amount of money. No pass... you and DH no pay. Simple and keeps the onus completely on her.
To get money from you she must show an actuall official grade report at the end of each semester.
This is how companies tend to manage their tuition reimbursement programs for employees. This is how I went through grad school. I paid my tuiting, books, and fees upfront on a credit card. At the end of the term I submitted for reimbursement with a notarized copy of my grades. The company cut me a check. Lather, rinse, repeat. I was fortunate. My company at the time reimbursed 100% for a grade of C or better. Some companies reimburse on a graduated scale. 100% for an A, less for a B, and even less for a C, nothing for a D or lower.
SD screwed the pooch in her first attempt at university. She needs to be the one to address any unforeseen events the next time around.
I do have a question. Why is your DH agreeing to go to mediation on this. The daughter has launched. He has no financial responsibilities towards her nor should he have. And for damned sure he should not have any towards his XW at this point. Mamma and the babby can FO!!!!! if they do not like how DH and his wife are willing to help. This not a mediation thing, this is a take or leave it thing.
IMHO of course.
I hope she delivers this time.
Hey, the judges are human and
Hey, the judges are human and they will see that the adult baby just wants to extend her childhood of no responsibilities with mommy and daddy still spoon feeding her.