Stressed out
I have no idea what to do. I am so frustrated and am sure that my marriage is goin to end. I have been married to my husband for what will be two years in November. We both have two biological children. A boy and girl each. We also both have joint custody of the children. So we have all four of them from Monday to Monday, then a week with no children. Well the history is that his ex wife pays for half of his children's expenses, i.e. medical bills, sports,extra activities etc. and both parents each claim one of the children at the end of the year for tax purposes. My ex husband however is not in a position to financially accept this responsibility. So my husband and I claim both of my two children and pay for the medical, sports, etc. for my two children. Thus far this hasn't posed a huge problem. My husband and I pooled our incomes (we both have equal income levels) and worked together to save money. But now my daughter needs to have braces. I have signed her up for them and we have a payment plan. My husband had been fighting with me ever since. Now we have split our finances. He is giving me half of our outgoing bills and says that I can pay for my children and he will pay for his. I am hurt and feeling bad. Is there something wrong with me?
Yes I already have. And the
Yes I already have. And the extra we get from claiming them both is more than the expenses. Even with the braces, but my husband will not hear that. He just goes on and on about how my ex is a dirtbag while holding his ex on this pedestal.
I hate to say it but your
I hate to say it but your children are not your dh's financial responsibility. The fact that your ex is not ready to be responsible to pay for 1/2 their needs is not your dh's problem. If your dh wasn't in the picture, who would pay for the braces? As long as he is not expecting you to support his kids' needs, he is being fair.
That said, I agree with HRNYC, figure out the tax benefit of claiming your children and insist that that is YOUR money to spend on YOUR children.
Just saw your comment about taxes. File seperately.
When her dh sees the math
When her dh sees the math regarding filing separately, he might change his tune. The "married filing separately" status greatly reduces a married couples tax benefits and makes them unable to claim certain expenses such as child care.
I did tax returns for a couple who INSISTED on filing separately. Because of this, he was not allowed to claim the non-custodial earned income credit credit for his child support payments and she couldn't claim her child care expenses. They lost hundreds of dollars by not filing jointly.
I would be very hurt too if
I would be very hurt too if my husband were to take this attitude. How did you deal with his kids' braces/other extraordinary expenses? Do you have separate accounts or a joint one or both? I guess i do not expect my DH to pay for my kids' expenses but telling me that i am on my own would not go down well with me. How is his relationship with your kids overall? Why are you sure that your marriage is going to end over this?
Well we paid for half of
Well we paid for half of their expenses together and his ex paid the other half. We paid for all of my children's expenses. Bit we also claimed both children which benefitted us by lowering our tax bracket and also by the extra 1000 for the child tax credit. It just feels like we were a team and now we are splitting things up. Our 2 accounts are still joint however he has his and I have mine. We used to save money together and have saving goals. Now it is like he is out for him and I am put for me. How are we suppose to tell these kids that they are all brothers and sisters and we are a family when we have split things up financially. Of his daughter needed braces we would have got them for her without a question
I understand why you are hurt
I understand why you are hurt since this is what you have agreed upon and have been doing thus far. Why has he now changed his mind about this arrangement?
My husband and I have separate finances but we have since day one and still do even though the SDs are grown. It's just what works for us.
Because of the braces. It is
Because of the braces. It is 2500 but spread out for a span of two years.
"And the extra we get from
"And the extra we get from claiming them both is more than the expenses."
"Bit we also claimed both children which benefitted us by lowering our tax bracket and also by the extra 1000 for the child tax credit"
So, I'm wondering what his problem really is if the braces are covered by getting to claim both of your children. Seems something else is going on with him that he is not saying.
Yes, there seems to be more
Yes, there seems to be more going on here than just braces. Is there an order with your ex that he pay for things and could he if you enforced this? Are you SURE your kid needs braces now?? So many Ortho's say that kids who are younger need them and they're so full of crap. Until the mature teeth grow in, screw that. Plus, why now, all of a sudden is he being mean about finances?
Either you have decided to
Either you have decided to work out the finances as a team or not.He lets you down after you did your finances for ages together because your child needs braces.How would he feel if you would do that vice versa?
Exactly. We have been doing
Exactly. We have been doing it by pooling our resources and now he wants to change everything because of he braces. We both make the same amount of money. And actually in 2011 I made $20,000 more because he was put of work for 6 mths with an injury. The money isn't what bothers me. It is the principle. If his ex-wife was the one that was financially irresponsible, we would be taking care of his children's financial obligations without a question. But since my ex is the one, I feel like he is punishing me for that. My daughter is almost 12 and her teeth are jacked up!
Oh, that's bullshit! You've
Oh, that's bullshit! You've helped him through "worse" and he's now separating finances from you because you're having a "worse" moment? Total crap. You signed on for better or worse, apparently he signed on for better and when my wife can pay for my lifestyle. Good luck to you. He's being a petty asshole IMHO. Totally unfair considering your past history especially.
Why can't the bio dad help
Why can't the bio dad help out?
Sorry, but I think SPs always have the right to say this no longer works for me.
There are SMs who were ok with parenting\sitting for their SKs at one point, but no longer want to. Should they be forced to continue doing what they once agreed to?
So when he was out of work
So when he was out of work for 6 mos, how did he pay his kids' expenses & his half of the household bills?
Of course, i meant my reply
Of course, i meant my reply to go way up there after she mentioned the out of work 6for mos thing. Didn't mean to sound like I was arguing with you girls.