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Update to wish she would go back in her hole

ETexasMom's picture

Well I think I know why the complete change in MSD from "you're not allowed to come to anything" to suddenly being very friendly! She called DH last weekend to let him know she was prego. Since the steps started their campaign to have "bonding time alone" with DH and uninviting me to all family functions there has been no presents and DH rarely shows up to stuff because he doesn't like to go alone. I have a feeling this new found liking me again has to do with her wanting DH to show up to all baby events and she wants presents. Too bad for her I'm not interested in getting on the merry go round with her again.

I knew something was up. Not surprised

ChiefGrownup's picture

Oh, she wants prezzies, alright. She's just now figuring out how expensive things like cribs are and without you to organize all the baby gift giving there's no hope of getting such items from Dad. I wouldn't fall for her act.

ETexasMom's picture

This is his 4th grandkid. OSD already tried the "You have to chose between your grandson or her". He told her he was a grown ass man and didn't have to chose. LOL I think she didn't talk to him for 3 months then gave up.

Acratopotes's picture

Oh congrats ExJulie - you are going to become a granny.... }:)

You better start knitting and change your will for this precious little bundle to get everything... Wink

Why are these girls so predictable, they only contact their fathers when they want something, nothing more.. and when will these fathers realize they are only a pit of money for their snowflakes?

hereiam's picture

Oh yes, a baby (and wanting gifts) certainly makes them come out of the woodwork.

My DH has an older daughter, besides the one I refer to on here, who has been estranged from him for a long time but when she had a baby, suddenly he was Dad (she usually called him by his name).

Of course, DH wanted to see his grandchild and we did the grandparent thing for a while but apparently, it just wasn't enough. According to her, we were supposed to keep the baby every weekend and give her money for diapers, or whatever, whenever she asked. They are back to being estranged after she cussed him out. She has had 3 more kids that we have never seen.

I will say that DH did not go overboard. We did not go to the baby shower, nor buy her an expensive gift, even though her cousin was constantly calling to "tell" us what we should buy. He knew exactly what she was doing and kept his boundaries. He gave her, yet another chance, and she blew it big time, for the last time.

Since your DH has been there and done that, I hope he sees what she's doing.

momjkm's picture

The step grandbabies is a hot button for me and my hubby. OSS has 2- 2 and 4 yrs old. He thinks he should walk through fire to be able to spend time with them. That includes a weekly Sunday visit where the 4 of them sit around and "visit". That's what they call it. Devil SDIL barely leaves the room and my hubby is not allowed to take kids anywhere. We offer to babysit and -zip- nothing. I tried to "visit" several times but I can't stomach it. I don't need a babysitter to visit GSKIDS. SDIL is a hick that has only gossip to offer. Usually about the MIL she worships. Disfunction from all angles.

momjkm's picture

Oh yeah- I threw the SDIL an amazing babyshower for the first gskid- cause I thought I should, she showed up at my wedding with no gift, took all the favors she could, then called the next day after my WEDDING to come get more cupcakes. Did I mention that she threw her OWN baby shower twice on her side?

ETexasMom's picture

Yep did the same for OSD for first grand baby. When he was 3 months old she got made when we didn't drop everything for something she wanted and started screaming at DH he had to chose between me and grandson. Thankfully DH stood up to her and said he was a grown a$$ man who didn't have to chose between his wife or grandchild. Of course she punished him by not seeing his grandchild for a couple months. I have treated all the grandkids at arms length since then. I know they will use those grandkids as weapons whenever they see fit.

MSD is suddenly all super sweet she constantly messages me with stuff she wants me to make the baby and to talk about his room. She's not due till December!!!! I crochet and make personalized items for extra money. I finally told her the other day I had to catch up on orders when she kept asking if I had started on his shower presents yet.

I'm treating her like I would any annoying child of a friend. I'm polite but not in a hurry to do anything for.

momjkm's picture

My problem is my husband will not stick up for me/us. What ever they do is fine and if I say anything I am a troublemaker. This is not what my understanding of my marriage was. I feel very deceived.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Many of us are, and many of were, in the same spot. Your DH currently is more afraid of losing his kids than he is of losing you. You live with him; he takes you for granted that you will always be there.

I was reading some old posts a few weeks ago. Someone mentioned going to a therapist who actually had 30 years of step family experience (certainly not in my town). And she said that in the majority of cases, the DH does not come to his senses until the SM gets fed up and leaves. And there is some truth to that - in my case I was packing up boxes for the storage unit. DH later told me that he thought he could treat everyone equally and everything would be ok. He refused to acknowledge, until he had to, that his daughters had no interest in being treated equally with the New Family Intruder. DH is King Ostrich, with his head in the sand always, does not even know what a boundary is. Your DH is happy to be a doormat and does not understand why it's a problem for you.

My DH had to learn I was not going to be a doormat, I was not going to be a target of animosity from middle aged kids upset their parents were divorced, and if he couldn't enforce a boundary, I would have no problem doing so. He supports me in being removed from his family, and our marriage has improved as a result.

I think also that wives/girlfriends are replaceable; children are not. I have children so I understand that. But I don't let my children trample all over me hoping to win their approval. I am their parent, not their friend.

ETexasMom's picture

Honestly when DH stood up to OSD that day it was more about him then me. He didn't like her trying to dictate her life. When he stood up to her it started their campaign to turn everyone against me. They did big dramatic social media post about how I needed to learn to share and threw a fit because DH didn't come to a cook out with them and was with me at my family event. Of course they didn't bother to mention my family event was taking my grandfather off life support and then his funeral. How selfish of me to expect my DH to be by my side when my grandfather died! They did stuff like that off and on for a few years.

They have always been hot and cold with me. You never know what mood they will be in. The turning point was two years ago. Just before Thanksgiving MSD told DH me and my children were not invited to Christmas. They wanted "bonding" time with him. DH was fine with this at first. I was pissed! I messaged MSD and asked if their spouses, inlaws, and families were going to be there and she said yes. Huge fight! DH started telling MSD and me that "we" needed to stop. I tried to uninvited her to Thanksgiving. It was a mess! When I calmed down I explained to DH it would have been different if it was just him and his kids going. That's bonding time but when everyone is there including their in-laws that's not bonding that is just excluding me and my children. I asked him how he was going to like sitting around while everyone else had their spouses and he was alone. DH started picturing it then and wasn't too happy either. Then I told him she was still invited to Thanksgiving because I was a buffer person and would never treat her in the manner she just treated me. Skids came to Thanksgiving were complete jerks! Sat in the living room being really loud while everyone was saying the prayer. DIdn't bring any food with them and was very rude to my BIL who is DH's friends. Well that really opened DH's eyes. He did not go to Christmas and told them if I couldn't come he wouldn't. Like hell I would have gone after that anyway!

Few months later was YSGD's birthday and DH had to go alone because I wasn't invited and refused to go. DH was not happy. He does not like to go and be surrounded by BM's family alone. Since then he hasn't gone to one party with them. Every once in awhile he will visit alone but not go to any functions. I also for almost two years had them blocked from all communication with them. This helped me remove myself from being a target. Which meant when they got pissy they had to call DH and take it out on him. Last year they had SS call DH and throw a fit because he went to my son's Army graduation. DH was pissed! I've never seen him so mad. Removing myself as a target and making them display their anger all towards him helped alot!

They only reason they aren't blocked from me now is because I was planning DH's 50th birthday and had to communicate with them. After that party where they were all basically ignored because they refused to socialize with everyone else and DH wouldn't chase them down they are on their super sweet friendly time. I don't expect it to last long.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Reading stories like this make me so thankful my closest SD lives almost 1000 miles away! Although it does come with it's own set of challenges, I do not need to deal with them every single day.

You wrote "I asked him how he was going to like sitting around while everyone else had their spouses and he was alone. DH started picturing it then and wasn't too happy either." Isn't amazing we have to spell out something so basic to these men? I know women are better at relationships; I know women have more thoughts and more complex thoughts, women understand agendas better (because we create most of them), but I really think so many men only see what is right in front of their faces.

sandye21's picture

What a bunch of selfish a$$es! They put you down because you went to the 'family event' to bury your Grandfather! As far as SD warming you up, just say you are too busy - or tell her you do not do anything for 'relatives' who ban you from THEIR 'family events' but include your DH. These people do not deserve you time for anything. Can you tell, I'm psssd about it?