No, it doesn't get better and yes, it is very much your business when you see your dh hurting and money flying out the household. Same effect would be to take that money place it in a toilet and flush. Just being honest. If you do get them to 'hold her accountable' she'll likely just pas them away with same end effect.

I could have written your post! I haven't found the justice yet, but I keep hoping.

And it enrages me every time.

I can only offer this advice: you need to let go of caring whatever kind of crap BM is pulling. It's between her and your DH. If she is a no show because she's taking them to a ball game, be a duck and let it roll off your back.

Only your DH can decide when he's throwing good money after bad, but to me it sounds like he's hit that point. She's realized that the judge isn't going to show up at BM's house and compell her to hand the kids over and getting a contempt of court order is about as good as getting the original court order. Again, the judge won't show up and enforce it. Maybe it's time for DH to explain to the kids when he is supposed to see them , let them know he very much wants to see them at those times, and if their mother doesn't deliver them to him they have every right to let her know they want to see him and ask her to bring them to him. And then let it go. Unless he has a large amount of money stashed away with which he can continue to pay lawyers to end up in the exact same situation as he's in right now.

No it doesn't get any better; to quote a famous person, the system is rigged. Rigged in favor of BMs everywhere. Now if your DH should suddenly stop paying his CS, all hell would break loose and he'd be in jail and in contempt in 5 seconds.

You may want to think seriously about dropping the rope before both of you are in debtors prison which there really is one for biodads who cant pay their CS.

Your BM sounds exactly like the BM in our case. The only difference being that Chef went pro se from the onset. By the time he realized he needed an attorney, which everyone had been telling him he did, it was too late. With toxic BM, PASing out the skids is basically a given. Even if by some miracle your DH got custody of them, the damage will have already been done and Hell on Earth will ensue. You will not be able to erase all the brainwashing that has taken place.

The system is definitely broken and has been for quite some time. It is especially bad in some geographic areas for fathers. NY, NJ, MA spring to mind.

Check out Dr. Childress on youtube.

He turns up at the designated exchange spot and has a receipt from some place to show he is there.And he does this over and over and over and OVER again.

He doesn't argue with her. He makes like he isn't too fussed about her. She becomes null and void in his life.

When he DOES see the kids he lets them know he misses them and wishes he could see them more often. If they are over 8 yrds old he can say "I wish I could see you guys more. When your mom and I went to court the judge said I get x,y,z days and your mom and I agreed and signed off on it." And leave it at that. The kids can work it out.

Nope, not usually at least. Most of the time the court is heavily one-sided. The courts are over indulged with BS court hearings over little crap meanwhile the major/important cases they should be hearing are months off and usually time-out by the time it reaches their bench. I hate to encourage to just "take it" but sometimes that's how you save a sinking ship. In the later years when they are older (like teens, not 8 like the other poster suggested) he can show them the letters, emails, court orders that back up his story that he tried everything he could to be apart of their lives.

Reiterating what several have said- just my "take":

1. You are completely justified at involving yourself as you watch your household's money fly out the window/down the toilet over this nut job's ongoing hi jinx.

2. Your DH does not need to keep using an attorney for this stuff. File a violation. Sadly, however, if your BM is as sick/spiteful/irresponsible as ours, WWIII WILL ensue and she WILL counter for sole custody or some other arrangement that would not be in the best interest of the kids. If she's like ours she WILL pay an attorney thousands of dollars in retainer fees even though her finances are a shambles. She WILL then attempt to poison your skids by telling them various heinous things about your DH and you. Your DH may then be afraid enough to hire an attorney to protect his rights against this maniac. (This whole thing happened twice with DH and BM- he filed for money she owed once, and alienation the other time, and both times she countered for sole custody. The second time she had gone into foreclosure on her house and even so, charged or took money (probably from her parents) for retainer- to the tune of $6000. They ended up dropping the whole thing. Don't know what will happen next time- if DH will go in on his own or be fearful of the shit she will try to pull again.)

Good luck. I wish you justice served on your personal lunatic!