You are here

Advice about Family Court in New York State, SS doesn't want to go to BM....???

NavyStepmom's picture

Submitted by NavyStepmom on Sun, 11/14/2010 - 9:36pm

Forums: 
Family Court

I'm hoping someone in New York has experienced this and can help. My SS is 13, will be 14 in January and the visitation with his BM is that he goes to her Thursdays from afterschool until 8pm. He also goes to her every other Friday afterschool till Sunday at 7pm. This was set by the court over a year ago on the recommendation of a Law Guardian, which my SS said he told the Law Guardian he didn't want to go to her during the school week, she lives in PA about 40 minutes from our home.

He doesn't want to go to her house on Thursday's, he has homework, etc.. and just doesn't want to go there, as he says "to sit around watching TV". The BM is not friendly, and harps on the kid all the time about being with his dad, she's a bitter person.

Everyone says we need to go back to court, but we just paid off a $7,000 lawyer bill and can't do it again, is there anyway we can get this changed without going through an entire court deal, can he just go talk to a judge? Can he just refuse to go with her? He's afraid of his BM, what can we do?

Any ideas or thoughts, or has anyone gone through this and can help me? We've been told about this Lincoln Trial or something...

Thank you so much in advance.

TheOtherMom's picture

Submitted by TheOtherMom on Sun, 11/14/2010 - 9:45pm

In New York, 13 is the legal age for him to decide. Each state is different.
Looking for the website now.

At any rate, go back to court and your SS can legally decide for himself.

NavyStepmom's picture

Submitted by NavyStepmom on Sun, 11/14/2010 - 9:49pm

Thank you so much!! Yes, if you can find the website, please send it to me. I was told there was no "legal" or "magic" age. We really want him to talk to the judge this time, the Law Guardian was an idiot and railroaded the kids. What the SS would really like is that he can say when he sees her and when he doesn't, now that he's in Junior High (8th grade) he wants to do things with friends, sports on the weekends and can't, she won't let him.

TheOtherMom's picture

Submitted by TheOtherMom on Sun, 11/14/2010 - 9:57pm

I stand corrected. Indiana and Texas are the only states that specifically outline legal ages for children. Several states are still weighing this option as of summer 2010.
Where was the custody filed? New York?

TheOtherMom's picture

Submitted by TheOtherMom on Sun, 11/14/2010 - 10:13pm

This link isn't totally reputable but it is a start ...

http://family-law.freeadvice.com/divorce_law/new-york-child-custody-and-...

We have friends stationed in New York and they recently got divorced after 17 years of marriage. Craziness. At any rate, their 14 year old daughter was given the opportunity to write a letter to the judge about why and with whom she wanted to live. In the end the judge stated that she would live with her father because it is in the heart of the child - even though the mother earned more money (he is the one in the military) and didn't have a reckless life.

So there is hope.

StepKidto3Momto3's picture

Submitted by StepKidto3Momto3 on Fri, 11/26/2010 - 1:52pm

There is no state that allows a child to decide where they live or whether they will visit their ncp. There is no state that allows anyone to ignore a court order without risking consequences.

Does the child have real reason to be frightened of mom? If so, have him call the police if she does something when he is there.

Otherwise, he can do hit homework there.