Dusti's picture

DD almost had the twins

Hi Everyone,
I've been here reading i just don't post. I am not sure what advice I could offer when my life is so upside down. But I get a ton of laughs and advice from you guys. Thanks so much.
My dd was having some contractions and so she was put on bedrest. She is 32 weeks now. The dr wants to hold off for another 4 weeks and then they won't stop labor.
Dh and I are okay. He isn't happy with dd still and dd is (or was since she can't now) forced to leave when ss comes for visitation. We compromised that ss wouldn't spend the night and would come over on Saturdays to spend time with dh. I refuse to do anything while he is here. I only speak with dh. I refuse to waste my time speaking to ss.
As of now there is no family for the twins. SS and bm won't agree on the families dd picks. We have picked 3 and they reject them. I told dh he can make the decision with ss and leave bm out of it but bm won't stay out of it. Right now we are in a holding pattern because ss and bm picked a family from their church and dd didn't like them. It is such a mess right now.
So that is my update. Any advice on what to do? Anyway we can get around bm and ss?

Dusti's picture

We are going through an

We are going through an agency. SS insists on being a part of picking out the family and he won't agree to anyone dd likes. Instead he keeps pushing a family from his church. The agency says they can't make ss sign and he has to sign.

Dusti's picture

I haven't spoken to another

I haven't spoken to another agency but I have spoken to an adoption attorney not associated with the agency we are using. He can't help us. SS has to sign his rights away or he can choose to keep them forcing dd to give the twins to ss or raise them herself. She doesn't want to raise them and doesn't want ss to have them either.

Dusti's picture

Because he isn't capable of

Because he isn't capable of raising them and bm would. No way is that woman going to raise my dd's children. She already forced her to carry these babies. She won't get to raise them to.

Disneyfan's picture

Oh, so all of this is about

Oh, so all of this is about getting back at BM, NOT about protecting your daughter.

—

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace

WalkOnBy's picture

YOU do not get to decide

YOU do not get to decide this, Dusti. It NOT your place to determine whether or not someone else's kid is "capable."

Your daughter made this bed, literally. Now she has to lie in it.

If she doesn't want to see or hear about her children, she can pull a Medusa and take off. Those kids, their father and their grandparents shouldn't have to give two shits about her fee fees.

She is NOT the center of anyone's universe except yours. And, THAT'S the problem right there.

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

JustAgirl42's picture

Damn, time goes fast. Sorry,

Damn, time goes fast.

Sorry, no advice. Sad

—

'I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing common about common courtesy or common sense.'

Dusti's picture

DD doesn't want to raise the

DD doesn't want to raise the twins. We are trying to find them a good home away from ss and bm. As a mother she should be able to put them in a safe home.

Dusti's picture

The agency says we can't do

The agency says we can't do that otherwise we would have.

Dusti's picture

We can travel to another

We can travel to another state like Utah I think but dh will make sure ss knows because his son has "rights". He has the "right" to decide who raises his kids and make that choice for his children. No he doesn't but dh won't budge and I know he would run and tell ss and that gets bm involved. Plus I think there are residency laws.

WalkOnBy's picture

HEY DUSTI - HE HAS THE

HEY DUSTI - HE HAS THE "RIGHT" UGH ------ stop saying it like you are being sarcastic or generous.

He has EVERY RIGHT to his own freaking kids.

YOU are what's wrong with BMs everywhere.

Just. Stop.

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

JustAgirl42's picture

Why do you want them away

Why do you want them away from their father and grandmother...did they do something wrong?

—

'I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing common about common courtesy or common sense.'

JustAgirl42's picture

That's what I thought and

That's what I thought and wondered why SS would be punished.

—

'I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing common about common courtesy or common sense.'

a better life's picture

per OP blog the BM has "been

per OP blog the BM has "been a dream" prior to her young teen's statatory rape. Now that it has occured she is adamant against abortion and would like some type of contact possibility for herself and preserving same for her son through a local open adoption. Doesn't sound so whackadoodle to me.

Dusti's picture

DD doesn't want to be

DD doesn't want to be involved in their lives at all. She wants to forget this ever happened. She is afraid she will see them through ss if he has contact. By pictures or by dh having a picture. She just wants to forget.

JustAgirl42's picture

Not sure things work that

Not sure things work that way...

—

'I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing common about common courtesy or common sense.'

JustAgirl42's picture

I think they may have already

I think they may have already done that. ?

—

'I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing common about common courtesy or common sense.'

Dusti's picture

SS is an ass and took

SS is an ass and took advantage of my dd. No way is he or his bitch of a mother raising my dd's children. This is my dd's body and he gets zero choice in what she does.

JustAgirl42's picture

HE took advantage of HER?? I

HE took advantage of HER?? I must have missed something!!

—

'I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing common about common courtesy or common sense.'

Dusti's picture

She was a virgin and naive.

She was a virgin and naive. Ss is a horn dog who was sexually active. He seduced her.

Dusti's picture

I am not going to loose my

I am not going to loose my marriage over this. DD is almost grown and heading to college. Am I supposed to live alone or start over while she is off living her life? SS is to young to raise 1 not to mention 2 children. His mother will never get her hands on those babies. I just haven't figured out how yet.

a better life's picture

Please get help. Out of all

Please get help. Out of all the characters in this sorted drama here is the most to least disturbed. You are the worst, then daughter, then dh, then ss, then bm. You can't see this because something in you has snapped. Face and walk into the shame, humiliation, and pain-deal with it,cope and heal. Your attempt to escape it is going to trap you more than embracing it.

Disneyfan's picture

Your daughter is an adult.

Your daughter is an adult. She made the choice to have sex with a 14 year old. She made the choice not have an abortion.

Once those kids are born, this is no longer about her body.

—

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace

a better life's picture

You have zero say in if the

You have zero say in if the ss or his mom are a part of raising the twins (that your daughter and you do not want). you have described BM as 'a dream' prior to her child's rape. You sound unhinged and should get some real personal mental health help.

Disneyfan's picture

She doesn't get to control

She doesn't get to control that.

If she does want the children but the father does, then she should give to him and sign her rights away. If SS's parents are willing to him raise the kids for the next 5 years or so, then that's great.

If your DD doesn't want any reminders of the kids, after signing away her rights, she should just move away and carry on with her life.

—

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace

DaizyDuke's picture

Maybe I'm just an ignoramus,

Maybe I'm just an ignoramus, but is it legal to just willy nilly "pick" a family to give your baby to? Don't people have to go through adoption agencies or lawyers or something?

And I don't mean to be a brat but just who exactly in your group (BM, SS, SD etc) is qualified, so to speak to do the pickin? I mean this whole situation is weird AF. Just seems like someone who is not involved in this cluster would be better suited to find these babies a decent home.

—

ღIt's all fun and games until someone doesn't pick up on the sarcasm ღ
ツ I try to act nonchalant but underneath, I am chalant AF ツ

Dusti's picture

As long as they pass the

As long as they pass the background checks they would be legal to adopt the twins. That isn't going to happen though. DD doesn't want to be a part of the twins life once they are born. She should not be tortured with ss talking about them or knowing dh is seeing their pictures. She wants to forget this ever happened and her therapist says that is okay as long as she deals with her grief.

DaizyDuke's picture

How would she hear SS

How would she hear SS "talking" about them if he is not allowed in your home? And she doesn't want to "know" that DH might see pictures? I'm out.. this whole thing in strange AF

—

ღIt's all fun and games until someone doesn't pick up on the sarcasm ღ
ツ I try to act nonchalant but underneath, I am chalant AF ツ

Dusti's picture

Both dd and I know that ss

Both dd and I know that ss will give dh pictures. Dh might mention the babies as his grandkids or put a picture up somewhere. He might keep it in his wallet and dd might accidentally see it some how. Somehow dd might see a picture or hear a story and it would crush her.

Dusti's picture

I am not losing my dd so ss

I am not losing my dd so ss and bm can have the twins.

Dusti's picture

I would prefer to find a not

I would prefer to find a not legal but not quite illegal way around it that the adoption attorney didn't tell us about.

Disneyfan's picture

How in the world can

How in the world can something be not legal but not quite illegal???? Puzzled Puzzled

Isn't that the same as kinda pregnant?

Do you have some sick, twisted desire to go to jail?

—

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace

Dusti's picture

Like skirting the law. Like a

Like skirting the law. Like a loop hole. I won't do anything that would land me in jail. I worked to hard to get where I am.

twoviewpoints's picture

So then you're planning to go

So then you're planning to go off to college with DD?

WalkOnBy's picture

OMG this this this this

OMG this this this this this!!!

Every word of THIS!!

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

ESMOD's picture

WTF why would it be

WTF why would it be considered "losing your DD"? It's not like she would be going to MARS.

Your speshul raping snowflake will have to deal with the mess SHE created.

This is the bottom line. The BEST CASE situation for your daughter is that she gives the blessing to the adoptive couple in the BM's church and doesn't have any financial obligation going forward and can move away so that she won't be faced with the consequences of her action. She can block SS and DH on facebook so she doesn't accidentally see a picture and you can visit her without DH. That is the best it's gonna be.

Worst case? You keep up your crazy, immoral schemes and the BM decides to have your DD charged as a RAPIST and charges you and maybe your DH as complicit in the crime. She goes to prison and is a registered sex offender for life. You and DH face sentences too. SS KEEPS both children with his mom's help and they make your DD pay through the nose in child support. Your DH divorces you because you tried to protect your daughter but cared nothing for his minor son. Result, is you will be alone. Your DD will hate you forever and BM and SS have the twins... YAY.

Which option do you want honey?

a better life's picture

You are going to lose your

You are going to lose your daughter anyways. The way that you are handling this situation she is never going to be able to be a mentally healthy person or have a mentally healthy Mom. You are taking a bad situation and multiplying the difficulty to the extreme by YOUR way of handling it. Step way back and way out of this. Let whoever wants to love these twins and be a part of their life be that including the ss, the bm who you described as 'a dream' prior to her child's rape, and your dh.

Dusti's picture

We won't be doing that but

We won't be doing that but thank you for your advice. DD made the decision. I am not able nor would I force her into an abortion.

BethAnne's picture

Is there any chance the

Is there any chance the babies aren't his? This problem would go away if a paternity test showed that he is not the father. It is a long shot but if you are desperate it might be worth a try.

Dusti's picture

No. He is the only one she

No. He is the only one she had been with. Even if she tried to claim he wasn't, dh would throw down making sure ss was treated "fair" and that his rights are respected because he is the "dad". I swear sometimes I hate my dd for being such a wimpy man allowing bm and ss to ruin dd's life!

BethAnne's picture

Your husband can do all he

Your husband can do all he likes but the law is the law, until ss's name is on the birth certificate he is not the babies father and only your daughter or a paternity test can put his name there. It might be worth asking a lawyer what the procedure is if there is a question as to the babies paternity. You never know it might buy you some leeway.

Dusti's picture

So don't put ss on the birth

So don't put ss on the birth certificate and say we don't know who the dad is and put them up for adoption? What happens then if ss and bm get an attorney. Can they get the twins back? If so will they have to give them to dd so ss isn't raising them?

BethAnne's picture

That is the part you need to

That is the part you need to talk to a lawyer about. I do not know the law. My guess is they would be able to delay the adoption until paternity is proved and perhaps there may be something you can do in the mean time. But my only knowledge of the law comes from bad tv shows so if I were you I would go and see a professional.

Dusti's picture

Bm would fight this and win.

Bm would fight this and win. Then ss would have custody of the twins and dd would have to pay support and such.

DaizyDuke's picture

GOOD!!! That would be the

GOOD!!! That would be the best thing for them! At least SS and BM actually CARE about the babies... all you and your DD care about is yourselves and how any placement might affect YOU. Heaven forbid your ADULT daughter be reminded of how she slept with her 15 year old step brother. Oh but I forgot, that was all HIS fault.

—

ღIt's all fun and games until someone doesn't pick up on the sarcasm ღ
ツ I try to act nonchalant but underneath, I am chalant AF ツ

Merrywey's picture

What evidence do you have hat

What evidence do you have hat BB & SS care about the babies? This all sounds like an out if control power struggle on both sides.

—

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. "
Maya Angelou

DaizyDuke's picture

Holy crap, just read some of

Holy crap, just read some of her comments below! "BM just wants a church family to adopt the babies so she can see them and have contact with them" *Gasp* The nerve of her!!! "Maybe when they are born I can just drop them off at the firestation"

WTF? Do I need to point out more?

—

ღIt's all fun and games until someone doesn't pick up on the sarcasm ღ
ツ I try to act nonchalant but underneath, I am chalant AF ツ

DaizyDuke's picture

GOOD!!! That would be the

GOOD!!! That would be the best thing for them! At least SS and BM actually CARE about the babies... all you and your DD care about is yourselves and how any placement might affect YOU. Heaven forbid your ADULT daughter be reminded of how she slept with her 15 year old step brother. Oh but I forgot, that was all HIS fault.

—

ღIt's all fun and games until someone doesn't pick up on the sarcasm ღ
ツ I try to act nonchalant but underneath, I am chalant AF ツ

DaizyDuke's picture

*dup

*dup

—

ღIt's all fun and games until someone doesn't pick up on the sarcasm ღ
ツ I try to act nonchalant but underneath, I am chalant AF ツ

JustAgirl42's picture

I'm out. I feel like we're

I'm out. I feel like we're being baited.

That last sentence is just not right.

—

'I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing common about common courtesy or common sense.'

JustAgirl42's picture

Yep, that's why I feel like

Yep, that's why I feel like we're just being baited again.

—

'I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing common about common courtesy or common sense.'

a better life's picture

Oh my, your dh would stand up

Oh my, your dh would stand up for his own son's rights and this is your definition of a wimp?

Dusti's picture

I thought so to but if ss

I thought so to but if ss doesn't sign off on the adoption -which he hasn't- then the twins can't be put up for adoption. He is holding all te cards. Bm is so damn selfish! She wants her best friend from church to adopt the twins so she can be near them. She won't even allow ss to go to the adoption agency without her.

a better life's picture

BM is so selfish? You are

BM is so selfish? You are making it sound like she is trying to protect a statuatory rapist and hide the evidence and search for any way (even illegal) to get her way. Oh wait, that would be you.

WalkOnBy's picture

OMG, I just spit my coffee

OMG, I just spit my coffee across my desk!!

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

Dusti's picture

We are being told we can not

We are being told we can not legally eliminate ss. I am hoping we can find a loop around.

Dusti's picture

I have considered dropping

I have considered dropping the twins at a fire station which is legal and a fire fighter would take custody til social services got there. You can do that anonymously but if they find out bm may try to take custody. Do you know if dd has to say where the twins are or can she claim privacy laws?

twoviewpoints's picture

Do you seriously think DH

Do you seriously think DH wouldn't notice that stunt?

Your husband, along with his son will be right behind you claiming what you've dumped. And once you've dropped the babies your daughter nor you will retain any say from then on.

Disneyfan's picture

SO DD will give birth, you

SO DD will give birth, you will kidnap both kids, then drop them off at the firestation.

Are we allowed to say CREW?

—

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace

Dusti's picture

I didn't mean it like that. I

I didn't mean it like that. I ment we could take them to the firestation or a hospital. Both are allowed by lay. They don't ask any questions and care for the babies until social services come.

Disneyfan's picture

YUP, I was trying to figure

YUP, I was trying to figure out the time line. I just figured I had the timing wrong.

—

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace

Dusti's picture

Thank you for your concern

Thank you for your concern Disney. DD is 33 weeks tomorrow. her due date was adjusted.

SourGrapes's picture

Can you PM me? I want to know

Can you PM me? I want to know too! Smiling

—

If it has tires or testicles it's going to give you trouble.

a better life's picture

um no, she can't just make

um no, she can't just make her kids disappear and not tell anyone. Sheeesh!

Even when kids are dropped at the fire station they try to find out who the parent is to make sure they can be legally adopted!

you are unhinged, get help!

BethAnne's picture

I know this is tough, but

I know this is tough, but personally if I were in your position I would move away with my daughter and let BM and SS have the babies, your daughter can sign her rights away and I would divorce your husband. I know it is not the answer you want to hear but I cannot imagine how your marriage has even survived this long let alone the coming years. At some point you will have to choose between your daughter and your husband. If there is a deadlock and the lawyers can do nothing for you then having the twins so close will either drive your daughter crazy or it will drive her away. Again, I know this is not ideal but it may be the corner you are backed into.

kathc's picture

I can't believe they're

I can't believe they're almost here, seems like you were just telling us what happened. Ugh. I was rooting for abortion then claim she had a miscarriage. I'm sorry to see she's chosen to have the babies. Of course BM wants her friends to adopt them--that way she has access to them and can continue to torture her own son, your daughter and you and your husband forever.

The best thing for those babies would be to go to people who don't know ANY of you and will keep them away from ALL of you. They don't need to know the circumstances of how they came to be. BM is a psycho for thinking it's OK to inflict that on innocent children.

I wonder if your DD could claim she's keeping them, would SS sign away his rights to get out of paying CS? If that would work, then she could turn around and allow them to be adopted without him being a factor...

Dusti's picture

The attorney advised us not

The attorney advised us not to do that. That we can be sued for denying ss his rights and that we would have to lie on the paperwork and could be prosecuted. The attorney I spoke with also said the twins would absolutely be given to ss and dd would lose any say since she signed away the twins for adoption.

Dusti's picture

He wouldn't sign his rights

He wouldn't sign his rights away if she kept the babies. I am sure bm would fight for his "rights". i agree with everything you said. i don't understand why they can't see it's better for dd and the twins not to know all of us.

a better life's picture

It seems like this bm is

It seems like this bm is willing to go through the hard work of having her minor son face up to the choices he made, do right by the twins but still have the ability to have some contact for herself and him if he so desires someday. She sounds like a very good Mom.

Dusti's picture

She will be 33 weeks

She will be 33 weeks tomorrow. Her due date was adjusted. I'm sure they changed your due date around when you were pregnant. A week or two is nothing.

Dusti's picture

Well I don't know what to

Well I don't know what to tell you. Hers was adjusted.

kathc's picture

Yes, you're right. They do

Yes, you're right. They do adjust dates as they go and find things aren't exactly where they should be for the estimated time. After all, there's no cameras in there to tell them exactly when conception happens Eye-wink

BethAnne's picture

I say I often fudge the truth

I say I often fudge the truth on this site in an attempt to keep my anonymity. I am sure many others do too.

Disneyfan's picture

LOL But why fudge that part

LOL

But why fudge that part not the rest of the story?
If anyone she knows were to stumble upon this site, they are going to know it's her.

Honestly, how many SMs have an 18 year old daughter who had sex with 14 year old SS and got knocked up?

—

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace

WalkOnBy's picture

unless, the truth is that HE

unless, the truth is that HE is the adult and SHE is the minor?? Or it's a single birth as opposed to twins. Or it's triplets!!!

Maybe she is the parent of the boy? The possibilities are endless!!

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

WalkOnBy's picture

dup-a-dee-doo!@!

dup-a-dee-doo!@!

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

Dusti's picture

What if she gives birth in

What if she gives birth in another country? Would we have to tell an attorney where they are?

ESMOD's picture

"DD doesn't want to be a part

"DD doesn't want to be a part of the twins life once they are born. She should not be tortured with ss talking about them or knowing dh is seeing their pictures. She wants to forget this ever happened and her therapist says that is okay as long as she deals with her grief."

Looks like your DD is in the same position a lot of guys end up in. They end up being held hostage to the pregnant girl's decision. I mean, a guy can want the girl to terminate and she can refuse and force him to be financially responsible for the babies. Or, they can WANT to be fathers and the woman can terminate. Ultimately it ends up being her choice.

In your DD's case, BM had a trump card. The fact that your daughter apparently committed a crime in becoming (allegedly) pregnant with an underage boy. So, SS's BM was basically able to blackmail her into carrying to term.

I know it's tough to watch your kids suffer the consequences of their poor choices. Unfortunately, your daughter is most likely going to have to deal with the reality that these kids exist. I don't think that given the family dynamic that she is going to be able to pop them out and go upon her merry way without ever having to be faced with the evidence of her mistake.

I think that the option of the couple from BM's church would be the best choice because it is obvious that BM and SS DO want to have contact with the babies. Look, not seeing/hearing about the kids isn't going to make it like this never happened. It did. She has to face facts and be mature enough to allow them to have a relationship with the children even if SHE doesn't want one.

If everyone knows her wishes about not hearing updates/seeing pictures, I have a feeling it won't be too hard for them to avoid telling her or showing her.

Please encourage your daughter to be understanding do what's best for the babies.

SourGrapes's picture

I am failing to understand

I am failing to understand why the agency/attorney is saying that SS15 needs to sign off on the adoptive family? He's a minor and not old enough to enter into a contract. BM may want a say, but she has no legal right to the babies either. From where I'm sitting, 18yo BD is the only one with the legal right to these children. Can someone who knows the law better explain this to me?

—

If it has tires or testicles it's going to give you trouble.

Dusti's picture

Because ss is the father he

Because ss is the father he gets a decision to. His legal guardian signs with/for him is what we are being told.

Dusti's picture

So there isn't another way

So there isn't another way then? Our choices are letting bm and ss pick the family or dd raises the baby and ss gets some custody or ss raises the twins. So that is it? There is nothing else? This is what the agency and adoption attorney told us. I was hoping you guys could help us find something else.

ESMOD's picture

Ok seriously? You have

Ok seriously? You have consulted with multiple legal experts but you are grasping at straws on an internet chat board where NONE of our credentials is verified?

You need to listen to the good legal advice you have gotten from the experts.

Your DD can sign her rights away to the BM or some other adoptive family that BM chooses. She can move across the country so she is never forced to deal with this again. DD has the ability to leave if she wants to. Her "rights" to ignore this situation kindof ended when she made those earlier decisions.

Dusti's picture

I'm desperate and not proud.

I'm desperate and not proud. I have no problem asking people for a loop around or someway that isn't quite legal to keep bm and ss away from the twins. Yes. I don't want them to be in the twins life. Yes i understand how that sounds. I get it. I'm a controlling evil woman.

ESMOD's picture

Did you get legal advice when

Did you get legal advice when this all happened?

If your DD has developmental delays or other mental problems, it's quite likely that there may not have been any legal repercussions.

She also could have cried "rape" and claimed she was too scared of SS to report it at the time. (not advising, but wouldn't be the first time some girl used this to get out of being in trouble)

But, I think the time for that is past now.

It is clear you and DD want this "problem" to just go away. But, at this point, your options are pretty limited.

The time to make this disappear would have been when your DD found out. She could have taken care of it and no one would have been the wiser. They couldn't have found out about an abortion because they wouldn't have even known she was pregnant.

But that is water under the bridge and none of that is possible.

If she wants to forget this ever happened. She can move to a new town and just not come back. Simple.

ESMOD's picture

It happens. It is not right,

It happens. It is not right, but it happens. We can all know it has happened. There have been multiple news stories about it. It makes it hard for those who really have been raped. It's wrong all the way around. The OP doesn't sound like she cares about legal/illegal and right/wrong. I am not suggesting that she should/could do this to solve her problem.

I also asked if her DD had a mental problem that would have made it impossible for her to comprehend that what she did was illegal.

Again, not any consolation to the person who was victimized (the 13 yo SS) if she has a mental defect.

twoviewpoints's picture

You absolutely do NOT want

You absolutely do NOT want 'slightly illegal' or shaky in any matter. These are two infant children you're talking about.

Anything that isn't on the legal up and up could be tragic for the babies and heartbreak for the adoptive parents after the father and his mother catch up to it.

I realize you don't give a rat's behind. Everything for you is about your daughter. Boo-hoo-hoo
your daughter. Your daughter is an adult who did this to herself. Time to grow up. Time to think of the babies.

a better life's picture

Stop being controlling and

Stop being controlling and evil then and your life and that of everyones will be better.

ESMOD's picture

"From the sounds of it? This

"From the sounds of it? This kid/his Mom are going to take custody of those babies and your daughter is going to be responsible for her actions and pay CS."

Or DD can sign her rights and approve THEIR choice of an adoptive family and she won't have to pay CS, can move across the country where no one knows her and live her life.

ESMOD's picture

I think one of the acceptable

I think one of the acceptable options for the SS and his mother was an adoptive couple from their church. That would mean SS and DD would both surrender their rights to the adoptive couple. I do believe that would relieve both SS and DD of financial obligation as well.

WalkOnBy's picture

And in Michigan, whether or

And in Michigan, whether or not the other parent is remarried or not has no bearing. Nor does having to have a stepparent willing to adopt.

In Michigan, it is very, very difficult (read impossible) for a parent to "sign off" unless it's the state taking your kids away.

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

WalkOnBy's picture

bully or not, whether the kid

bully or not, whether the kid was 13 or 14 when they had sex, it was/is still rape...

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

WalkOnBy's picture

Nah, you wouldn't. Damper

Nah, you wouldn't.

Damper might, though - lol!!

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

Jlbfinch's picture

If this is for real the last

If this is for real the last thing your DD should be considering is some kind of adoption fraud. I looked at your blogs and you did say that your SS was 13. Think of how bad it already looks for your DD, if she tries to do something fraudulent with the babies it could easily land her in prison.

robin333's picture

All I can say is that this

All I can say is that this would not be happening if you had not allowed BM to blackmail your DD into not getting an abortion when she asked for one.

—

"I've seen dogs with better manners." Aniki

"A healthy future depends on having productive members of society - not basement dwellers." Notasm3

BethAnne's picture

Can you and your daughter go

Can you and your daughter go and talk to the church couple? Maybe that will aliviate some fears. If BM is as bad as you think then this couple already realize it but really want babies or they will soon find out when BM gets involved in their lives too much. Then as the twins parents they may choose to limit contact with BM and the rest of the family anyway.

Merrywey's picture

This is just abt the sanest

This is just abt the sanest advise I have seen in this thread.

—

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. "
Maya Angelou

misSTEP's picture

Have you considered that if

Have you considered that if you fight BM too long, she will decide to have SS KEEP the babies?? Have your DD let the babies go to the church family.

She will move away and go to college. I would suggest to her that she make use of the counseling office there to get over any "hurt feelings" and come to grips with her own choices.

Oh - and ALLOW her to make her own choices (and mistakes). Maybe if you had done that earlier in her life, she wouldn't be such an "immature" 18 year old. You keep talking about what you do and don't want. What about your DD? Does she share the same level of hatred of SS's BM? Or is she just parroting you and going along to get along?

—

"when you remove BM and skid drama from your marriage?? You can actually be HAPPY!!!" DaizyDuke

"It's an insecure mother's validation to have her child reject the other parent" - Maxwell09

Cooooookies's picture

I can't even read this

I can't even read this without being enraged. It is crazy entitled golden uterus nutjobs like Dusti that us stepmoms deal with all the time. Honestly Dusti, you need to be guiding your daughter in the legal, sane, right and honest direction.

STOP thinking about yourselves and do what is best for the babies. This. Is. Not. About. YOU. This is not about you, this is not about you, this is not about you. This is NOT NOT NOT about you.

Please let that sink in. Please, for the good of the poor, innocent infant souls that are about to be born into a sh*t storm they didn't even ask for, do what is RIGHT!!

Give the babies to SS and his BM if it gives them a good life. Give them to their FATHER. Stop talking absolutely insane illegal nonsense and think about someone other than yourself! And for gawd sake teach your daughter better than this. This is absolutely ridiculous!!

—

"I do think it's the BM who sets the tone for the relationship. If she's controlling, hasn't moved on, or makes everything into a competition for time and resources then the SM is in for some drama." ~strugglingSM

WalkOnBy's picture

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS!!!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS!!!!!!

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

DaizyDuke's picture

Exactly this! what kind of

Exactly this! what kind of hateful, vengeful, control freak would rather drop off babies at a fire station than let the FATHER and his mother raise them? Oh that's right... because they might talk about the babies and DH might have pictures of the babies and it might be upsetting to poopsie. GET OVER YOURSELVES!

—

ღIt's all fun and games until someone doesn't pick up on the sarcasm ღ
ツ I try to act nonchalant but underneath, I am chalant AF ツ

Cooooookies's picture

Dusti - do you even realize

Dusti - do you even realize that your DH, the man you claim to love soooooooooooooooooo much, is the Grandfather? Your husband is Grandpa to these poor, unwanted beautiful little innocent souls.

If you do not want your marriage ruined over this, I highly suggest you do NOT drop his grand babies off at a fire station like pieces of unwanted furniture.

These babies are human beings! These babies are LIVES THAT MATTER.

They matter. They are still worthy of a good life, even if you and your daughter don't want them. You don't get to play God and you should just feel grateful that SS's BM isn't pressing charges against your precious little poopsie that had sex with her CHILD son. And that your husband hasn't figured out yet what horrible soulless beasts you and your daughter really are and what you're talking about on this site.

You make me sick.

—

"I do think it's the BM who sets the tone for the relationship. If she's controlling, hasn't moved on, or makes everything into a competition for time and resources then the SM is in for some drama." ~strugglingSM

Salems Lot's picture

I was debating whether or not

I was debating whether or not to post on this thread, but you my dear took the words right out of my mouth.

Thank You!

—

Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can't.

Narcissist (n): a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil a$$hole with no soul.

Cooooookies's picture

You're welcome This just got

You're welcome Smiling

This just got under my skin and I had to say something!

—

"I do think it's the BM who sets the tone for the relationship. If she's controlling, hasn't moved on, or makes everything into a competition for time and resources then the SM is in for some drama." ~strugglingSM

WalkOnBy's picture

haven't read all the

haven't read all the comments, but the ones I have don't seem to be anything other than "you're an idiot and you can't break the law" type posts.

is anyone seriously trying to help OP break the law or be even more scuzzy???

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

WalkOnBy's picture

Wow - yep, I do see a few

Wow - yep, I do see a few like that.

It's unforgivable to support this broad in her quest to teach her daughter how to evade the law, screw over the father of two tiny babies and generally be a world class GUBM!!

I am a HUGE father's right advocate and this infuriates me beyond belief!!!

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

WalkOnBy's picture

Yup - and when I read Dusti's

Yup - and when I read Dusti's words, I swear it's like reading old Medusa text messages.

there is one encouraging poster whose attitude regarding this doesn't surprise me, and there are some who are.

DO NOT KEEP KIDS FROM THEIR FATHERS!!!!!

—

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

ESMOD's picture

The more I read on this

The more I read on this thread and then going back to the OP's other blogs, it is patently clear that she and her daughter are completely and 100% in the wrong here.

It is no wonder the girl is in this position when your own mother has such a broken moral compass.

What surprises me is that the OP's DH hasn't left her.

The best thing in the world would be for the DD to let the church couple that SS/BM approve of take the child. Then DD needs to go to a real therapist who will not tell her that it will all be ok if they just sweep things under the rug. DD also needs to work on growing up and would probably gain benefit from getting away from her mommy.

oldladieswearpurple's picture

She should keep one and let

She should keep one and let ss have one - then move to a different country with the one she keeps and send it to a summer camp back in the US when it reaches about 11 or 12... maybe just maybe ss will pick the same summer camp and send his kid there too... then those crazy twins may just switch places and try to get dd and ss back together by making them dinner on a fancy yacht...

just sayin'

Wifeypoo's picture

Lol I love that movie!

Lol I love that movie!

oldladieswearpurple's picture

She should keep one and let

She should keep one and let ss have one - then move to a different country with the one she keeps and send it to a summer camp back in the US when it reaches about 11 or 12... maybe just maybe ss will pick the same summer camp and send his kid there too... then those crazy twins may just switch places and try to get dd and ss back together by making them dinner on a fancy yacht...

just sayin'

ESMOD's picture

I agree that BM is running

I agree that BM is running the show. However, it seems like BM isn't totally wackadoodoo. She is willing to go the adoption route. However, she wants it to be an open adoption so she has some contact with her grandchildren. She also probably wants to preserve the opportunity for the SS to be in his children's life in the future when he IS mature enough to want that.

I put this above, but these are the two alternatives for OP.

Your speshul raping snowflake will have to deal with the mess SHE created.

This is the bottom line. The BEST CASE situation for your daughter is that she gives the blessing to the adoptive couple in the BM's church and doesn't have any financial obligation going forward and can move away so that she won't be faced with the consequences of her action. She can block SS and DH on facebook so she doesn't accidentally see a picture and you can visit her without DH. That is the best it's gonna be.

Worst case? You keep up your crazy, immoral schemes and the BM decides to have your DD charged as a RAPIST and charges you and maybe your DH as complicit in the crime. She goes to prison and is a registered sex offender for life. You and DH face sentences too. SS KEEPS both children with his mom's help and they make your DD pay through the nose in child support. Your DH divorces you because you tried to protect your daughter but cared nothing for his minor son. Result, is you will be alone. Your DD will hate you forever and BM and SS have the twins... YAY.

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

In 7 years this is the most

In 7 years this is the most mind boggling story I've read on here...

a better life's picture

Why should bm 'stay out of

Why should bm 'stay out of it'. I glanced back at your blogs to figure out the backstory. You stated that bm had 'been a dream' up until her child's statuatory rape by your daughter. Now it seems you are trying to villify her. Of course she is going to be involved in her minor child's life (and that of her grandchildren) as pertains to this very important decision. Neither she, nor her son, or even your husband should have to cast these twins far away merely so you and your daughter can bury your heads in the sand and try to pretend it all never happened.

kathc's picture

I'm waiting for the post

I'm waiting for the post after the babies are born and adopted out that says, "Well, my DD was just arrested and charged with rape"

Just because BM claims she won't go after her for rape doesn't mean she won't. I'm betting once the babies are born that's exactly what she'll do.

Disneyfan's picture

Can't say I blame her. The

Can't say I blame her. The woman should face legal ramifications for having sex with a child.

—

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace